Post # 16
sleepybunny : As for the rules, I probably worded that incorrectly. My fiance and I had to set expectations when we started planning because we knew our guest list would be over 250 people – so normal things that other couples I know have done – no kids at the wedding, only people directly involved are invited to the rehearsal dinner (and out of town guests are invited to meet us out after dinner) – I just expected her to act like a normal wedding guest and not try and dictate our day when she’s not hosting in any way. She is known to try and control situations that she has to place to control, so I’m really not surprised all of this is happening. Fingers crossed she acts fine on the day of.
Post # 17
Of course you invite her. That shouldn’t even be a question. It doesn’t sound like she’s been all that difficult, actually. She just had a lot of opinions and suggestions and then got butt hurt when you didn’t go along with them.
Check in with her as though nothing has happened. If you don’t hear anything, expect her not to be be at the shower. If you do not hear from her in a timely fashion for your wedding, follow up and then if you still don’t hear anything, then consider her rsvp a no. Treat this like a task you take care of at work- take the emotions and frustration out of it and do what is best in the long term.
Post # 18
caparker : Are the daughters in the wedding party? Are they getting ready with you? Just wondering where you landed on these demands.
You know and you’ve said you can’t uninvite her. Just because she is being petty and not responding to/coming to your shower does not mean you pull her invite altogether. You can always have Fiance address it in a kindly worded email or something so at least it defuses the awkwardness.
Post # 19
caparker : It sounds like you have been reasonable to me! She is just a guest.
If she often tries to insert herself then at least now you know that she will try that with you. If you politely said ‘no’ that is not rude even if the other person does not like it. I would still invite her but I would not chase her approval or change any plans.
I hope it works out!
Post # 20
If it’s going to cause more drama to your live’s post wedding I would choose to invite her. It’s so hard when it’s family because those people are around for the rest of your lives whether we like it or not.
Post # 21
She’s been very annoying, but still invite her. I’m sure she still loves you, some people just have bizarrely strong Opinions about things. Cutting a family member out of a wedding is BIG and will casue more drama than just letting it go. Honestly with 250 people you’ll barely even know she’s there.
Post # 22
Haha, are you me? My FI’s aunt is a true nightmare. She invited herself to the second rehearsal that my mom is having for family in my home country that won’t make it to the actual wedding, is continuously pushing us to invite a certain second cousin that we don’t even know, and has tried to put Future Sister-In-Law against us by calling her and saying “aren’t you upset that you are not the maid of honor?”. 😀
That said, we are not univiting her. Of course we won’t be accomodating her crazy requests, (besides the self invitation…we gave in on that one to be nice to FMIL), but I feel like uninviting would just be rude. I don’t plan on speaking with her all that much anyways, will be quite busy, so…whatever!
Post # 23
caparker : absolutely…unfortunately, we cant control others we can only control ourselves. And you got it together so don’t worry! Maybe if you think about how sad and lonely she must be to cause or try to cause pain for others it might help you look at the situation differently. Good luck to you!