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How close is your FI to his father?
I think it would be best for all involved to invite her, both as gesture of goodwill and to keep the peace, but it's your decision. Keep in mind, though, that not inviting her will almost certianly lead to a fair amount of drama, and your FI's father deciding not to attend.
I understand where he's coming from but a married couple is a married couple and should be invited as such. You'd be upset if FH was invited to a wedding without you. I think its just in the best interest of keeping family unity to just go ahead and invite her.
I would have to agree that you should invite his step-mom. Can we ask why he's not such a fan of her? Did something happen with his mom and dad that involved her? How will his mom feel about her being invited?
It ettiquette books say you have to invite her. I have a situation with one of my parent's SO and wish I didn't have to but it's about respecting your parents and their situation. Sometimes having a heart to heart with the parent about the step parent (as far as weddig expectations go for the day of) will help alleviate stress. Things like where will everyone sit to minimize conflict....
Like a lot of these situations, he can choose not to invite, IF he is willing to cause major harm to his relationship with her and his father. If that is an acceptable turn of events, feel free not to invite her.
I agree with the poster above. If he feels very strongly about not inviting her, he doesn't have to, but just be prepared to accept tha fall-out.
Well if he strongly dislikes her than you both do not have to invite her, but that might mean that his father will not come either.
Thanks for all the comments and advice. To answer some of the questions...my FI dad is still married to the stepmom. My FI' s real mom passed away 6 years ago but she's been divorced for a long time from my FI's dad. But the divorce was not caused by the stepmom. Anyway, FI had never been a fan of his stepmom eversince but his dislike escalated 2 years ago because of some personal reasons. He is not super close to his Dad also but we would want his dad to be at the wedding. He just told me he doesn't want his stepmom to be there but I told him that if we invite his dad then it's automatic that the stepmom is invited. There's still time for my FI to change his mind....the wedding is in September...we'll see...
I am in the same boat... my biological fathers wife is the DEVIL!!!!!
I do not want to invite her but it is a totatl faux pas if I dont. I dont think she will have the guts to show up to my wedding. I may also tell my dad that it is probably better if she does not come.
My dads sisters will be at my wedding so he will have someone to sit with.
My step dad which is my "dad" who I love more than anything will be doing all the father duties at my wedding.
I agree with everyone else - it's his choice whether or not he invites her, but if he chooses not to he should be prepared for some drama with his dad.
We have the same sort of relationship with FI's stepmom. We don't love her, but we have to deal with her. She may not be our favourite person, but she's been really supportive of us so I'm giving her credit where it's due. To keep her out of our hair, we're giving her an "important job" for the day. This will keep her out of the way, but at the same time make her feel like she's contributing to our day.
If you don't invite her, your FI's dad will be really hurt and I don't think it's worth risking their relationship (or relationship for your kids if you plan on having some down the road) over one night. Try explaining it to you FI that really, he only has to talk to her for probably 10 minutes over the course of the day since you'll be mingling with the other guests. You could even get a friend to act as a wingman, if they see FI cornered by his stepmother they could interrupt and say he's needed somewhere or whisk stepmom away to show her some really amazing detail she just HAS to see ;)
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Hi! My FI doesn't like his step -mom and he's planning not to invite her to the wedding. Is it okay just to invite her Dad and not his step-mom? Thoughts???