Post # 1
We are having our wedding in LA where we met and currently live. My fiance originally went to college and worked/lived in NYC, where he had this insular group of college friends who all lived and breathed together. We are inviting 80% of my fiance’s closest friends from this group to the wedding. There is a girl friend of his who also moved to LA (she is originally from here) around the same time as him. She is from a wealthy family and has one of these yuppie jobs where she doesn’t have to work much and travels the world off her family money.
At her insistence and my fiance’s inability to say no, we’ve met up to hang out with her a few times at her parents’ house. They were very nice each of those times, but this girl basically snubbed me for not having traveled the world, alienated me with inside jokes with my fiance, and generally was not very considerate of me and treated me like a third wheel. I don’t think this was intentional towards me – I think it’s just her personality. We even went to Thanksgiving at her house, which was kind of horrible since all they talked about were the lavish parties they went to and more world travels. My fiance has traveled so has something to talk about, but my family nor I have never had the means to do so.
This girl did not make the 80% of the people who we are inviting from my fiance’s group, but she possibly would have since she lives here, but my fiance knows that “I don’t like her”. Now I am afraid that when the rest of his friends that we did invite show up from out of town, they’ll all meet up with her and it’ll be awkward since she’s not invited. Especially since her family has invited us to their home, with lovely intentions, despite her behavior toward me – which I’m pretty sure she’s oblivious of. Should we just invite her to avoid any awkwardness? I would not be very happy to have her at our wedding, but I don’t want my fiance to feel self conscious either. He has said that he doesn’t care, but who knows.
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
xtals: There is a girl who will be at our wedding that I’m not pleased about, either, and it sucks. How big is your wedding? If it’s over 100 people or so, it should be easier to avoid/ignore her than if you are having something very intimate (like 20 people). I guess what it comes down to is this: would you be more happy than your husband would be sad to not have the friend there, or vice versa? If he truly does not care and you would be unhappy, it’s probably easier and less dramatic to not invite her and say you are having a small wedding.
ETA: it also deends on how close of friends they still are. They don’t sound very close to me, but it’s hard to say from your story and my limited knowledge
Post # 3
It sounds like this is more about your own insecurities than her projecting anything on you. Honestly I would just invite her to be polite if you’re inviting her boyfriend, but you probably won’t even notice that she is there.
Post # 4
No offense, it does kind of sound like you are projecting your insecurities a bit. As you and your FI have spent time with her, I would invite her. It would send her a big message if you didn’t invite her.
Post # 5
If she makes you miserable, don’t invite her. If you don’t invite her, you’ll probably end the friendship. The old “kill 2 birds with one stone,” kind of thing. You don’t need that kind of negativity at your wedding. Invite those that make you happy and are truly happy to celebrate with you.
Post # 6
I am in the world of thinking that it is your wedding, your special day, and if your FI indeed doesnt care, then dont invite her. If I had someone who made me feel like that, I would never have them there on what should be the happiest day of my life.
Post # 7
Hi bees, thanks for the input.
louisianablue: JrzyGurl: I completely agree that there are things in here to do with my own insecurity – I’ve talked about this with fiance – and also a lot to do with the fact that these bad experiences were at the beginning of our relationship, 3 years ago! We haven’t hung out with or talked to her for about 2.5 years. This also has a lot to do with my then-new boyfriend (now fiance) who thought it was a good thing to do to “impress” me by bragging about his rich friends and taking me to meet them, then trying to look cool…! Misguided on his part, I think he overdid it and fed into my insecurities at the time. We aren’t inviting her boyfriend or anything, so there’s no awkwardness there (coincidentally we are actually inviting one of her serious ex’s and his now-girlfriend, so maybe she won’t even want to come).
fallparkbride: PABride: gingerkitten: I think the general rule of not having anyone at our wedding who will make us unhappy is a good one. I think people will see the friends my fiance invited (they are all his closest friends and former roommates) and not think she is obviously missing at all. He really doesn’t care if she is there, and the only thing he’s said was that if we invited her then it would open up a new sphere of like 5 other people he’d have to invite. The only thing different between her and those people is that I’ve met her, and she lives close to us/the wedding.
Post # 8
xtals: Ssimply because there is a large majority of this group invited AND she lives locally, I’d extent the invite. I know people say “it’s your wedding, you can do what you want”– and to a degree that, is true. But regardless that it’s your wedding day, your actions still impact how other people might feel. Even though the girl’s personality seems to suck, she seems to have gone our of her way to include you and your FI, even during the holidays. Not to mention others in the group who are traveling in might think it’s odd you didn’t invite her–
There is a group if my husband’s friend who all hang/bowl together in a league, etc…. One of the guys isn’t in the bowling league, and my husband only knows him through a mutual friend. That being said, he’s definitely a part of the group. And my husband actually likes him and his wife and son, as do I. But he my husband isn’t as close to him as he is everyone else in this group, mostly because of the bowling league– it’s the one things that ties everyone else together a little more-so. So while we were trying to keep our guest list within our budget, my husband said “we don’t have to invite X (and his wife/kid) since I’m not too close to him”. At first, since technically, they are my husband’s friends to begin with– I went along with it, happy to keep the guest list as neat and trimmed as possible. But then we were at another one of the guys’ kid’s bday parties. And one of the other guys sat down at the table with me and was all excited about the save the date. And it got me thinking about completely awkward it was to not have that one guy and his wife and kid at our wedding. It wasn’t like out of 40 in a group, we invited half the families/couples and not the other half. It was this one family out of a closer knit group. So I insisted we invite them because I wouldn’t have wanted future get togethers to be even slightly awkward. And I’m glad we did.
Post # 9
xtals: You stated this: “We haven’t hung out with or talked to her for about 2.5 years.”
That should make the answer easy.
Post # 10
I wish it were possible to just not invite people who make you unhappy and annoy the crap out of you — both of my sisters-in-law were at my wedding :D. The know-it-all unsolicited advice giver, as well as the bitch. A now-former friend showed up after we’d had an explosive fight and hadn’t talked in a month. Good times! But you know what? Even if someone is invited…there are so many people (and I had a small wedding — 55 people) and you are so busy doing other things that you forget about it. Couldn’t care less about any of those people.
The only reason I’d consider not inviting her is that it’s been almost 3 years since you’ve talked, but that’s up to you. Some folks use their weddings as a way to catch up. If you’re also inviting other friends that you haven’t talked to in as long, it may not be a bad idea to extend her an invitation. You might have a grand total of one or two minutes of ‘worldly’ conversation with her, and then you’ll be on your merry way.