Should we invite my fiance's snooty girl friend? (warning: possibly catty)

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2524 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

xtals:  There is a girl who will be at our wedding that I’m not pleased about, either, and it sucks. How big is your wedding? If it’s over 100 people or so, it should be easier to avoid/ignore her than if you are having something very intimate (like 20 people). I guess what it comes down to is this: would you be more happy than your husband would be sad to not have the friend there, or vice versa? If he truly does not care and you would be unhappy, it’s probably easier and less dramatic to not invite her and say you are having a small wedding.

 

ETA: it also deends on how close of friends they still are. They don’t sound very close to me, but it’s hard to say from your story and my limited knowledge

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  gingerkitten.
Post # 3
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It sounds like this is more about your own insecurities than her projecting anything on you.  Honestly I would just invite her to be polite if you’re inviting her boyfriend, but you probably won’t even notice that she is there.

Post # 4
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

No offense, it does kind of sound like you are projecting your insecurities a bit. As you and your FI have spent time with her, I would invite her. It would send her a big message if you didn’t invite her.

Post # 5
Member
3707 posts
Sugar bee

If she makes you miserable, don’t invite her. If you don’t invite her, you’ll probably end the friendship. The old “kill 2 birds with one stone,” kind of thing. You don’t need that kind of negativity at your wedding. Invite those that make you happy and are truly happy to celebrate with you.

Post # 6
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am in the world of thinking that it is your wedding, your special day, and if your FI indeed doesnt care, then dont invite her.  If I had someone who made me feel like that, I would never have them there on what should be the happiest day of my life. 

Post # 8
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

xtals:  Ssimply because there is a large majority of this group invited AND she lives locally, I’d extent the invite.  I know people say “it’s your wedding, you can do what you want”– and to a degree that, is true.  But regardless that it’s your wedding day, your actions still impact how other people might feel.  Even though the girl’s personality seems to suck, she seems to have gone our of her way to include you and your FI, even during the holidays.  Not to mention others in the group who are traveling in might think it’s odd you didn’t invite her– 

There is a group if my husband’s friend who all hang/bowl together in a league, etc….  One of the guys isn’t in the bowling league, and my husband only knows him through a mutual friend.  That being said, he’s definitely a part of the group.  And my husband actually likes him and his wife and son, as do I.  But he my husband isn’t as close to him as he is everyone else in this group, mostly because of the bowling league– it’s the one things that ties everyone else together a little more-so.  So while we were trying to keep our guest list within our budget, my husband said “we don’t have to invite X (and his wife/kid) since I’m not too close to him”.  At first, since technically, they are my husband’s friends to begin with– I went along with it, happy to keep the guest list as neat and trimmed as possible.  But then we were at another one of the guys’ kid’s bday parties.  And one of the other guys sat down at the table with me and was all excited about the save the date.  And it got me thinking about completely awkward it was to not have that one guy and his wife and kid at our wedding.  It wasn’t like out of 40 in a group, we invited half the families/couples and not the other half.  It was this one family out of a closer knit group.  So I insisted we invite them because I wouldn’t have wanted future get togethers to be even slightly awkward.  And I’m glad we did.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
3707 posts
Sugar bee

xtals:  You stated this: “We haven’t hung out with or talked to her for about 2.5 years.”

That should make the answer easy.

Post # 10
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I wish it were possible to just not invite people who make you unhappy and annoy the crap out of you — both of my sisters-in-law were at my wedding :D. The know-it-all unsolicited advice giver, as well as the bitch. A now-former friend showed up after we’d had an explosive fight and hadn’t talked in a month.  Good times! But you know what? Even if someone is invited…there are so many people (and I had a small wedding — 55 people) and you are so busy doing other things that you forget about it. Couldn’t care less about any of those people.

The only reason I’d consider not inviting her is that it’s been almost 3 years since you’ve talked, but that’s up to you. Some folks use their weddings as a way to catch up. If you’re also inviting other friends that you haven’t talked to in as long, it may not be a bad idea to extend her an invitation. You might have a grand total of one or two minutes of ‘worldly’ conversation with her, and then you’ll be on your merry way.

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