My BF and I have been planning an elopement, just us and the officiant. I love the idea of it being a special day for just us. I just want to get up, get ready, get married, take some pics, grab lunch/dinner and start our minimoon. This is a second marriage for both of us so neither needs the hoopla of a wedding.
Apparently he is now thinking it may be best for his kids to see us get married. He thinks (well a coworker has convinced him) that this will help them transition as this gives them something physical to witness and mark a change. If the kids come that means his parents will need to come, which means I need to invite my parents so while it will still be small it wont be just us.
I actually agree with the logic (theyre only 5&8) but I still like the "just us" idea. I will definitely side with whatever is best for thE kids. I guess my question is do you think the kids need to see us get married????
@luvmesumhim: " I guess my question is do you think the kids need to see us get married???? "
Yes, 100%. I wouldn't imagine getting married without my daughter there; she's just a bit older than your partner's children and it would hurt her beyond imagining if she wasn't included.
Why do the parents have to come? It can just be you, your FI, and the kids. that's still incredibly sweet
I had the same plans too. Just us, somewhere. But, the truth is, I think my kids NEED to be there. It's a hard enough transition for them, and I think they'll do better if they are a PART of it. So, yes. It adds parents, etc...
(my children are 6 and 9)
@lynashag: well because I still want my minimoon so they have to go somewhere afterwards. LOL Sure I guess we could drop them off...I dunno it just wasnt my original thought I guess you're right though. It could just be the 4 of us thanks. :-)
this is why I like it here. Helpful bees
@itsmle: question. Does being a part of it mean being in the ceremony? Or simply present for it? I really didn't want any type of sand ceremony or anything so not sure how I could include them in the actual ceremony.
@kittyface: thank you I really thought they'd be Indifferent as I'm not sure they really understand what a wedding is. I was just thinking it would help the understand why I was moving in.
I thought of the idea too when I get re-married. But I do want my children a part of it. They'd be excited and so happy. Assign them a little something...fill up sand, and let them be a part of that (sand instead of a unity candle)
I'm simply thinking of having them both walk me down the aisle. It would be cute if there was some sort of vow made to them as well, but I don't want that to be my idea.
My ex got remarried last year (so they were 5 and 8), and they were bridesmaid/groomsmen. I think they understood what was going on. For some reason, they were FINE with it, but with ME...my daughter doesn't want me to get married, move on, nothing! Flat out said she WON'T let me! We have a lot of work to do with her on this.
I could not imagine getting married without my stepdaughter (5) there, and I'm shocked that her mom got married without her there (even though she lives across the country and hasn't seen her since she was 2). We had 10 people at the ceremony and she stood between us. It just kind of turned out that way.
We are having a DW and my children (will all be in their teens by the wedding) will definitely be there. There wouldn't be a wedding without them and FI knows this. It does suck because we won't have any time to ourselves but I'm hoping some of my family that is there will take them for a night or two...nevertheless that is part of having children/marrying someone with children.
And 5 and 8 year olds know what being/getting married is.
I'm going to be the weird one here but...
We are planning on just the two of us, only us & my FI has a precious 6 year old son who I can't wait to consider family! But WE decided WE wanted it to be about us & that's it. No one else. We feel very confident in our decision & no one close to me finds it weird. Even people with children.
Does it mean we don't love him? HAAAAALE NO. Does it mean we don't feel he's special? Not at all. It just means we are getting married & we get to decide what works best for ourselves.
One of my uncles & his girlfriend had a baby. They did not marry until she turned 6/7. They did not take her on their wedding trip. They came back married. All is well there.
My future step son knew FI was proposing. He knows why I wear the ring and was beyond excited. He did ask about a party but nothing about a "wedding". We will be having a dinner when we come back with our family & friends.
The biggest adjustment so far has all of us living together now. FI has him half the time. But not once has he asked a peep about a wedding. I think by the time we come back it will be just like it was before we left.
Go with your heart. Do what feels right YOU BOTH.
I'm going to play Devils Advocate here but do you think you would want the same type of wedding just the 2 of you,if you had 2 children and your FI had none?
I understand him wanting his kids there on your special day and to answer your question I think they do need to see you get married to cement your new family.
I couldn't imagine getting married without my daughter (3) and my DSS. We don't want a huge affair so our wedding will have about 20 people. This will include our kids, both sets of parents, my grandparents, a couple of aunts, my sisters and a niece and nephew.
It will be a small intimate wedding with a reception at a restaurant. That way no one feels left out and then we leave for our honeymoon and the kids will have plenty of family to watch them.
Children love being included in something so special. All 4 of my kids will be in my bridal party, and they are so excited. We thought of eloping but my kids begged us not to, and I thought that was so beautiful.We still plan on having a wonderful honeymoon.
My daughter wasn't invited to her father's wedding (and he had a small, but fancy, wedding). She was heartbroken! I was recently married and even though it was small (courthouse and dinner at a fancy restaurant) I made sure both my daughter and my mom (from out of state) were there. It wouldn't have been the same otherwise. I wanted my daughter to feel part of her new family!
If you want something small to share with your children perhaps consider a memories package at Disney. They allow only 8 people so you dont have to feel obligated to have your parents. Then you can spend a few days with the kids at Disney sharing the feeling of creating a family together.
We were originally going to do an escape package it allows for 20 total. However we had a lot of people say they wanted to come so we've pushed our date back. It was very important for me to have this day my daughter could see and be a part of. It was also important to include her in our honeymoon since to me we're building a family not getting married and just starting a life.
Here is some information on the memories package: http://disneyweddings.disney.go.com/weddings/florida/memories/faq/detail
My dad eloped with my stepmom when I was a kid and I felt left out. When you have children you are not only getting married but you are creating a new family and involving the kids in the wedding signifies that.
@luvmesumhim: awe yes, I'think the kids will appreciate being there ESP cuz there are so few people, basically VIPs!
2 sets of parents, 2 kids, 1 officiant and you guys isn't too much... Everyone can stand an throw rose petals on you guys for your first kiss then you can all go to dinner and the kids can go with the grandparents and you can go on your honeymoon. It sounds sweet & not much more effort but will defo make lasting memories for them.
I wouldn't say that it is wrong to go without them; however, you do need to discuss it with them. My dad and stepmother eloped in Vegas without telling us. I guess we all knew that they would probably eventually get married and were probably not splitting up, but it was almost a slap in the face considering the trouble my mom went through to make us involved in her wedding to the extend we wanted to be (which meant for me observing. Don't like crowds much...). Dad and Stepmother told nobody until 3 months after they got back.
Moral of the story, discuss it with them. You don't need to ask if its okay or anything like that, but you really do need to tell them about it.
As a child of divorced parents I say YES! My mom got remarried when I was two and was in her wedding. I still have vivid memorries of their wedding. I still own things like my little dress and silk flowers from their wedding. I think it concretes the merging to one family.
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