Should we not elope but have an intimate ceremony for the kids sake?? :-|

posted 1 year ago in Ceremony
Member
1867 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@luvmesumhim:  ” I guess my question is do you think the kids need to see us get married???? “


Yes, 100%. I wouldn’t imagine getting married without my daughter there; she’s just a bit older than your partner’s children and it would hurt her beyond imagining if she wasn’t included.

Member
717 posts
Busy bee

Why do the parents have to come?  It can just be you, your FI, and the kids.  that’s still incredibly sweet

Member
272 posts
Helper bee

I had the same plans too. Just us, somewhere. But, the truth is, I think my kids NEED to be there. It’s a hard enough transition for them, and I think they’ll do better if they are a PART of it. So, yes. It adds parents, etc…

(my children are 6 and 9)

Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee

I thought of the idea too when I get re-married. But I do want my children a part of it. They’d be excited and so happy.  Assign them a little something…fill up sand, and let them be a part of that (sand instead of a unity candle)

 

Member
272 posts
Helper bee

I’m simply thinking of having them both walk me down the aisle. It would be cute if there was some sort of vow made to them as well, but I don’t want that to be my idea.

My ex got remarried last year (so they were 5 and 8), and they were bridesmaid/groomsmen. I think they understood what was going on. For some reason, they were FINE with it, but with ME…my daughter doesn’t want me to get married, move on, nothing! Flat out said she WON’T let me! We have a lot of work to do with her on this.

 

Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I could not imagine getting married without my stepdaughter (5) there, and I’m shocked that her mom got married without her there (even though she lives across the country and hasn’t seen her since she was 2). We had 10 people at the ceremony and she stood between us. It just kind of turned out that way. 

Member
1818 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

We are having a DW and my children (will all be in their teens by the wedding) will definitely be there. There wouldn’t be a wedding without them and FI knows this. It does suck because we won’t have any time to ourselves but I’m hoping some of my family that is there will take them for a night or two…nevertheless that is part of having children/marrying someone with children.

Member
1818 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

And 5 and 8 year olds know what being/getting married is.

Member
2101 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m going to be the weird one here but…

We are planning on just the two of us, only us & my FI has a precious 6 year old son who I can’t wait to consider family! But WE decided WE wanted it to be about us & that’s it. No one else. We feel very confident in our decision & no one close to me finds it weird. Even people with children. 

Does it mean we don’t love him? HAAAAALE NO. Does it mean we don’t feel he’s special? Not at all. It just means we are getting married & we get to decide what works best for ourselves. 

One of my uncles & his girlfriend had a baby. They did not marry until she turned 6/7. They did not take her on their wedding trip. They came back married. All is well there. 

My future step son knew FI was proposing. He knows why I wear the ring and was beyond excited. He did ask about a party but nothing about a “wedding”. We will be having a dinner when we come back with our family & friends. 

The biggest adjustment so far has all of us living together now. FI has him half the time. But not once has he asked a peep about a wedding. I think by the time we come back it will be just like it was before we left. 

Go with your heart. Do what feels right YOU BOTH. 

Member
233 posts
Helper bee

I’m going to play Devils Advocate here but do you think you would want the same type of wedding just the 2 of you,if you had 2 children and your FI had none? 

I understand him wanting his kids there on your special day and to answer your question I think they do need to see you get married to cement your new family.

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