Post # 1
My fiancé was invited with a guest to a wedding this July of a friend of his brother. I’ve never met bride or groom in the nearly 2 years we’ve been dating. FI hung out w the groom a bit a few years ago through his brother. Their wedding will be substantially bigger than ours and theirs is local, ours is domestic destination. Their guest list is probably large to maximize gifts as parents are likely footing most of the bill. ETA: groom has said this to a friend of his, I’m not just assuming it. Probably not a factor in our decision, but figured I should give bees full context.
We are limited on space and won’t be able to invite all of the friends we see a couple times a year. We’re tight on $ to pay for all ourselves. Their date is 1 year before ours. If we invite this cpl, there is another cpl in the same group we’d have to invite.
Do we to to this wedding? Send a gift? Invite them to ours?
Post # 3
I think it’s fine to go and to not invite them to your wedding. Getting an invite to someone’s wedding doesn’t mean you have to invite them to yours. Especially in your scenario where they are having a large wedding and you are having a smaller one.
Post # 4
@MrsBeck: +1 however I think it’s a bit rude that you’ve assumed they’re having a bigger wedding just for the gifts.
Post # 5
It’s fine to go and not invite them to yours. If you don’t go, obviously send a gift. We’re inviting our best man’s whole family (including his brother and sister) and definitely don’t expect to be invite to their weddings.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t assume they are having a large guest list for gifts.
Go if you want to, don’t go if you don’t want to. Simple.
Post # 7
Go or don’t go, send a gift either way. Invite or don’t invite, either one is proper. If you don’t invite, hang out with them sometime in the next year as a reciprocal invitation, if you’re up for it.
Post # 8
@PenguinLove: I didn’t assume it – we were told this was the situation by a friend of the groom (that groom says they’re maximizing guest list partially bc they’re not paying for it and it’ll mean more gifts). I’m not condemning them, just giving context. Im sure many would do the same in similar curcumstances. I wanted to explain at least part of the reason why we’re invited although FI and the groom aren’t close and havent spoken to or seen each other in years.
Post # 9
@PinkPinstripes: I didn’t assume it. See pp
Post # 10
Since you’re not that close to them I probably wouldn’t go. Even if you did you wouldn’t be expected to invite them to your wedding.
Post # 11
I’d go but I wouldn’t feel obliged to invite them to your wedding.
If you get along well, you might want to invite them! Who knows? A lot can change in a year.
Post # 12
I don’t go by the thing that you have to invite people that invited you to theirs. We have couples that invited us to theirs and we aren’t inviting to ours. We also have couples that we weren’t invited to theirs and they will be invited to ours.
Post # 14
@Shkragoldfish: I see, well you said ‘probably’ which suggests you didn’t know and were just assuming, I see you’ve made this clear in your first post now.
Post # 15
@Shkragoldfish: You should always reciprocate a social invitation, with an equivalent invitation issued in the same season. “Equivalent” does not mean “celebrating the same kind of event”, since on the one hand not everyone has an upcoming wedding with which to reciprocate, and on the other hand because not every invitation is in celebration of something. Some are “just because”.
“Equivalent invitation” refers to the time of day, the formality, and the presence of a meal. If someone invites you to a garden-party tea, you might invite them to a picnic, or afternoon tea. If they invite you to a theatre party you might reciprocate with tickets to the philharmonic. If they invite you to dinner, you need to reciprocate with a dinner invitation.
Most traditional weddings are either an afternoon tea, or a formal dinner. So you would reciprocate by inviting the hosts of the wedding over to your home after they return from their honeymoon, either for tea or for dinner. If you cannot imagine yourselves doing that, then decline the invitation: it was sent by mistake because they thought you were closer friends than you are.
Post # 16
@Shkragoldfish: my FI has a LOT of friends and has been to A LOT of weddings.
i made him cut his list significantly because it is not in our budget to have everyone he wants. and i want a smaller wedding anyway.
just because you were invited to someone’s doesn’t mean you have to invite them to your.
last september we were invited (and went to) his disant cousins wedding. there were over 200 people there. our guest list is 130, and those cousins are not on the list.