Post # 1
We’re getting married June 28, 2014. FI has some relatives who live in Arizona (majority of guests live in SE Michigan/NW Ohio, where the wedding will be held) and will be invited to the wedding. I originally planned on not sending STDs because, like I said, a majority of the guests live in the area of the wedding. FMIL keeps bringing up how she would like to send those guests who live in Arizona STDs and she might make some herself to send to them. She’s said multiple times that she doesn’t think they’ll even come (with the exception of maybe 1 or 2 people) because they didn’t come to her oldest son’s wedding last summer. I was thinking I could just mail their invitation like a month earlier than the rest, or even send an electronic STD. Or even just let them know by word-of-mouth. I mean we’re talking like maybe 6-8 guests here, only 2 of which are likely to come regardless of knowing months in advance. We’re trying to keep the guest list small, and the one’s who “might” be coming are the only ones I have previously met. So if the others don’t come, I, and FI, don’t really care. What do you think?
Post # 3
If you don’t care, I wouldn’t send them. I have a feeling this is only the beginning of your issues with MIL (let’s hope I am wrong), but to already say that she will make them herself…
Anyway, fi ti is only 6-8 guests I would call them honestly. It isn’t that many. I like the idea of STDs for family and close friends because then they can be sure they have your date set aside. Sometimes sending an invite one month before ins’t enough time. MIL was sure these people would come to our wedding, and even if we had set the invite out a month earlier, they still would declined because they made reservations for a boat trip months in advance of our wedding. I’d call.
Post # 4
@megz06: Thanks for your advice! Yeah, FMIL has given me a little trouble so far (we’ve only been engaged for a little less than 3 months). She really is a great lady, but is always SO concerned with others’ opinions that it proving to be a little irritating when we tell her what we’re doing/not doing (we aren’t having the most traditional wedding). Our guest list is only about 100, mostly family, and we are very close with just about all of them, so they already know our date.
Post # 5
In my opinion, if I send you an invitation 2 months before the wedding, and you have a prior engagment that is more important than coming to our wedding, by all means, don’t come to our wedding! I think STDs are one of the most pointless wedding trends (unless you have a lot of out of town guest or are having a DW, of course). The people who I want to see most at our wedding already know the date and live in the area, so no issues there. If 2 months isn’t enough notice for the rest of our guests, oh well!
Post # 6
I say send electronic STD. That way your FMIL is happy and your not wasting a lot of time and money on something you don’t feel passionate about.
Post # 7
If its only 6-8 people I wouldn’t worry about sending anything. Like PP have said you can always call or have your MIL call to let them know the date. Personally though, even for local weddings I like getting some sort of save-the-date just because our schedules book up so quickly (especially in the summer months) that its nice to know ahead of time (online notice would be fine…or even word of mouth…just some sort of heads up maybe 6 months before?).
Post # 8
People traveling from a distance need time to make airplane and hotel reservations–which are cheaper if booked in advance (domestic airlines typically run their best fare sales once per month, and at least 21 days in advance–so if you only send invites 2 months out, your guests have 1 shot at sale tickets. Air sales are typically also Tues-Thursday, so they’re easy to miss. If they miss that sale, they’re spending a TON more than they have to in order to even get to your wedding. Some may decide it’s too expensive at that point). Send a Save the Date.
For us, save the dates were 100% necessary if we want our loved ones to attend. 80% of our guests are coming from out of town (both our families live far away)–and several are traveling from Ireland or New Zealand. While some bees clearly think it’s unnecessary–save the dates increase your RSVP percentage by as much as 50% or more for our of town guests.
That said, if you send it to the Arizona family only–other family members will likely hear about it and be upset they didn’t get one, or mistakenly assume they aren’t invited–which might hurt their feelings. So…IF you send them, send to all.
Also, remember that save the dates can be a good way to get your family to visit your wedding website (if you have one), where you can update them on important wedding stuff…from travel recommendations and ceremony and reception information to your registry. That might be worth sending in itself. Especially if you do a save the date postcard or something. Those are inexpensive and easy to send. Check out Vistaprint. They’re running a 60% off sale right now, and they’ll ship you the cards for free.
I also would NOT do an electronic save the date unless you’re only sending them to younger guests. Many people, especially older generations, aren’t very good with technology (my mom still adds “Dear CelticBeachBride” and “Love, Mom” to text messages! My grandmother can barely send email) and/or they might feel that email or online Save the Dates are too impersonal.
Post # 9
We sent STDs because at least half of our guests are traveling long distances to come, plus we live in Portland which is always expensive to fly in/out of.
I think if you send the invites 8 – 10 weeks in advance you’ll be fine. If your MIL is really concerned with the AZ guests, you could DIY a simple STD or send a quick e-STD. Sometimes it’s easier to concede the little things to avoid the headache of standing your ground.
Also, sending invites 1 month early to AZ guests means you would have to order your invites a month earlier than you would need to otherwise. That might not sound so bad now, but once you’re heavy into wedding planning it could be a big hassle.