Post # 1
I have had complicated relationships with every single man i have been with, i always get cheated on. Including my mother and father not being together and watching them go threw their problem relationships. Anywho I look white and i am 25% native, and the rest English. So people dont know i am native until someone close lets them very well known that i am. I wouldnt have a problem with it but i always get hurt when i get made fun of. Or friends ditch me when they find out i am. Like act all distant, and snobby. Guys i have gone out with start to cheat me and act different. Until i met my husband he has execpted me for who i was.
We are married know and things have changed not the normal stuff but the attraction. I notice my guy gauking at other women and saying did you see her boobs, do you want big knocks like hers, nice and perky. he just goes on and on. Then when he says things about me its can you put your shoulders back, when are you going to lose wieght? Why dont you dress like my sister inlaw.
Before we got married i heard a convo with my HB dad in the basement. His dad was saying i dont want you to get married to her, shes and Indain and i dont want her in my family. If you do get married to her i wont buy you a house. The F***edup thing is my dad gave my mom up for a house. Because my mom was native.
So we are married and my HB dad will not buy us a home. His sister has a home and his brother got a home when they got married. They are insanely rich. So the parents currnetly sit on property of 300,000 acres of land. And own 5 apartments and about 50 lots with homes. 15 business. So they are loaded, not the reason i married my husband at all. I was raised by my mother in poor situations, my father doesnt care for me. So i just found out that because the sister inlaw is dutch and their whole family is dutch. That the current brand new home they live in already they are going to buy them a newwer home because they need a bigger garage. the house price is 600,000. The real sister is getting a house from her parents and it does cost 800,000. There old house cost 300,000. They annouced yes they got the home, cause the parents paid for it. So i am in shock, cause him mother called me to say oh we buoght you a vaccum for your place but then realized that my HB sister inlaw needs it more then you. Cause you dont need one right now cause you might need central vaccuming, I said no, we dont have that feature here, unless what your trying to say is i will when we get a home. She says i didnt say you are getting a home, your HB sister inlaw will get one before you. (even that she did on her wedding day brand new home and is getting another one for my wedding home). So she said so i am not giving you this one i paid 700 bucks for it and i think thats a bit much for such a small area you have. How about i get you a picture frame? I said i really dont need anything. So when ever i go there his dad is making indian jokes and telling me not to drink cause i might go indian.
My husband is now taking their sides and its pushing me far away from him. I am even sleeping on the couch that i cant talk to my husband, when he only answer i get is a question, like what why. I freaked out at him and said stop doing that. Then he stops talking to me all together, and fake sleeps.
What do i do?
Post # 3
Oh my goodness, I am so so sorry that things are happening like this, especially because this should be the time of your life right now, with your husband, who is supposed to be supportive and on your side! What your husband’s family is doing to you, not helping with the house situation just because of your nationality, is a bunch of BS, and anyone knows it. That is just another way of racism to me, and it is the ugliest thing in the whole world. I hate that, your families shouldn’t be at war with each other, you all should be living in peace and harmony.
But what your husband is doing is even worse. I can’t believe he would treat you with such little respect, especially about the way you look and the way you dress, etc. It seems that he would rather have the physical side of things, and that isn’t fair to you at all. In fact, his whole side of the family deems more on image than anything else, and sounds like they are very materialistic. That is just what I am getting from your post.
All I can say is you really need to sit down and have a talk with him, and if he doesn’t want to listen, perhaps you should reconsider being with him for all eternity, because if you guys won’t communicate, there would hardly be anything else there.
Let us know how it goes!
Post # 4
Thanks for the post iceprincess it is really sad that i am going through this, i think the hardest part is when they all start to laugh at me at the dinner table. If i cry they just shrug it off like oh guad shes so emotional. They literally have family gatherings every single week, maybe twice a week. To birthdays to anniversitys, holidays. I cant avoid them BUT I WANT TO SOOOO BADLY. Instead i sit there all quite and hope to not get hurt. But doesnt happen like that.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry. I don’t know where you live but I don’t understand what kind of people his parents are that don’t like you just because you are part Indian. Who cares? You and your husband need to sit down and have a serious conversation, first about the fact that he is degrading you by telling you to get bigger boobs, and second because of his family. Honestly, I wouldn’t want a house from his jerk parents but your husband should be taking your side and defending you from those people.
Post # 6
They are building a house on thier property for my HB younger cousin, hes 23 years old hes getting married in august so the house is almost finished. It crushes my HB so badly that hes not getting anything. Outside famiy memebers ask so wheres your new house. He puts his head down with we not getting one. Its also exactly right I DONT WANT ANYTHING from them!! Even a stupid picture frame. Like its so bad i dont want to go there, but dont want to hurt my HB.
Post # 7
Your husband’s family and himself included should be ashamed of themselves. That is no way to treat any human being, much less someone now considered to be family. You really should stand up for yourself hon! You shouldn’t be treated like that just because you’re different from them. It boils my blood to know that they laughed at you! Were they raised by wolves? geez, what’s wrong with them.
I suggest talking to your husband and telling him how he and his family make you feel. It’s not very pleasant to be “laughed at” and “made fun” at by your own family. And for your husand to disrespectful told you to consider getting “big knockers?” Wow..that’s beyond anything I’d tolerate. If he dismissed your feelings, I say take some time for yourself then perhaps seek some professional advice on what to do. Good luck and don’t let them bring you down. They’re obviously think too highly of themselves when they really shouldn’t!
Post # 8
Our sqaure feet for our home is 750 our bedroom is a studio, so we live in a small home. I cant have many people here not enough chairs. But i love my home, they come here and look at it and say the area is nice as in outside. Nothing on the home. Its so true they are materialistic, I didnt even get bday’s cause my mom didnt have money. It doesnt bother me. For christmas all the grandchildren under the ages 9 got brand new cannon camera. the youngest is 2 and she got one. guess what i got, another box of plates. I got plates last year 4 boxes!!!! and guess what another box!!! yippy.
Post # 9
You need to stand up for yourself! First, you and your husband need to have a serious talk regarding how his family treats you and his duty as husband to stand by your side FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.
It’s 2010 for crying out loud, there is no excuse for laughing at someone because of their nationality! It just completely baffles me that a family would behave in this manner.
Is it possible for you and your husband to move away? Do you work? Save up for your own house. When you are at family gatherings, don’t hang your head and give in to them. Say to them exactly what you’ve said here- that they are disrepecting you, you don’t like and please stop. Is marital counseling an option for you? Maybe even go by yourself to learn ways to deal with this treatment- by your husband and his family.
Post # 10
I have a feeling your husband isn’t being a good husband given your remarks/posts. I seriously think you should demand that you attend marriage counseling and if he refuses, well then you have your answer.
Post # 11
My HB has talked about moving we were going to move 5 hours away from here and it was pretty much a go. We both had jobs oppertunities and a place to live. Then when he told his parents, his dad said what a stupid idea. He like you move and you are going to make your mother upset. And i dont want to hear her complain about it. AHHHHHH so we dont. Ok get this my HB lived at his parents house till he was 29yrs old. I took him out of there. His mom told me she still cut his crust off his bread. I just shake my head.
Post # 12
WOAH! I can only say one thing to you. DIVORCE! and quick. Your husband doesn’t seem committed at all this marriage. His family sounds like such jerks. Sorry, but I have to be blunt. You deserve a man who will support you and his family should support you as well. Your race shouldn’t be a factor on how you are treated.
My husband is 45 and I’m 22. My parents were not happy at all when we started dating. They came around about 6 months into our dating relationship and even helped pay for the wedding. My family had doubts about our relationship and marriage, but my husband and I have made it through some tough stuff and we still have both of our families supporting us.
Seriously, talk to him a little bit, but you shouldn’t be sleeping on the couch and he shouldn’t be DEGRADING you like he does. Get out of the marriage, and find a better man. Trust me, there are GOOD men out there! I found that out myself!
Post # 13
As sad as i can hear someone say that its so true. He has NO RESPECT for me at all. Like i got my period yesterday and when i get it i get it so bad pills dont do the trick. So he comes home at 10pm and tells me not to cook for him cause thats too late he will eat out. So i dont, then he comes home hungry, he doesnt call me to tell me to cook something. He just walks in the house and starts to freak out about two pots in the sink dirty but they are rinsed out. Says F*** there is nothing to cook with!! I said yes there are pots in the cupboard. So he takes off and slams the door. He comes back with subway, and fills up the sink to clean the two pots when if he was planning to clean them any way why take off? so i get up from my crunched over cramps and i say ill clean them. So he walks to the couch and noticed my heating pad and knew i was sitting there so he wont sit next to me he goes to the love seat and throws all my folded laundry to the floor. I ran outta the kitchen and said ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! i just picked it up off the floor and started to cry. He said well it shouldnt of been there it should be in the drawers. I wasnt done, there was stuff in the dryer ready to come out. So its been three years and two months. Married for 5 months. I can honestly say i dont think his attitude is going to change. His mother even has no respect for me. the day before our wedding day. I was standing a bit close to my husband and he said can you back up real pissed off like. And before i could he waled on my foot with his heel on my toe. I screamed and said WTF why would you do that hurt!! He said well you shouldnt of been standing there. So we argued and i asked him to say sorry just say sorry. His mother says to me oh shut up. So i go blustering this to my mother and tell her what just happened, and she made my HB appologize and me i had to appologize too. But my gaud, did this have to happen?
Post # 14
Stop going to his family gatherings. You are an adult and no one can make you go anywhere you refuse to go. Your husband is not currently in any position to be asking for favors. Why do you go?
If you are ever in the situation again where someone asks your husband where his ‘house’ is, I’d be really tempted to say “Oh, his parents aren’t gifting us a house because I’m part Native American. Amazing right? *light laugh* Why knew Mr. and Mrs.X were such old fashioned racists” Though given the kind of people they are the less ties between you the better so it is a good tihng they aren’t gifting you with anything.
Why did you marry him? Did he use to treat you better?
Post # 15
@Daisys4U: I’ve reread some of your posts and I think your husband is abusive. Especially given he yells at you and you end up in tears. This is how my father was, but eventually it escalated to physical abuse. I would start making arrangements for a place to stay if things get out of line. Since he refuses to go to counseling, there isn’t much you can do to change him. I don’t want to tell you to get divorced but….
Post # 16
I am really against divorces, but I think in your case, you should be headed down and filing for one ASAP. Then moving FAR away.