Should you have people in your bridal party that had you?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
30284 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ultimately, it’s about who you would like to have standing there next to you on your wedding day. I don’t think that you should necessarily feel obligated, but I think it’s totally normal to have the fact that you were someone’s bm sway your choice. It’s a tough call, but I’d go with your gut here!

Post # 4
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would probably include the SIL, since she’s family. But not the friend, especially since you’re not close any more!

Post # 5
26 posts
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m having the exact same probably so let me know what you figure out 😉

I was in my sister in laws wedding and a MOH in a friends wedding 7 years ago that I am just not as close with any more.  It’s tough because I don’t want anyone’s feelings to get hurt.  I don’t like having the pressure of ‘ well I was in their wedding,  so..”

I’d say go with people that will be helpful and make you happy to have by your side.  

Post # 6
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@sunelake27:  I asked my FSIL, since FI agreed to have my brother as one of his GM…but other than that I don’t think you should feel obliged at all.  Have who want by your side…not who you think you should be asking 😉

Post # 7
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@sunelake27:  In one word no to the friend, not sure about the SIL. Would it cause drama if you didn’t include her? That’s a little different given it is a family member you were in with and you aren’t on bad terms with her. At the same time I don’t believe you ever need to reciprocate and it is up to you. I am just saying the family member one may be a little more complicated.

Post # 9
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

In truth there is no obligation to do so… but it would be nice to reciprocate, more so if one is family or a “close” friend.

I was a MOH for one of my Bridesmaids from my first wedding.  I was very Honoured to do so, more so as it was a French Canadian Wedding, and they typically only have one Attendant if any.

Hope this helps,


Post # 10
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

This is YOUR day! You aren’t obligated to anyone. Yes, they may be offended and for quite sometime, but being up there with you at that altar is an honor and you should only have the ladies and gents you WANT. 

Post # 11
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@sunelake27:  No backsies! Go with your gut on this as I ran into the same issue. I have been a BM in several weddings. Simply put, I am no longer close to some of these women due to life events & changes. I have grown apart from some and it would not have felt right to include them in my bridal party just bc I was in theirs. I knew I wanted a small bridal party too, so my sister is my MOH and I am having my 2 best friends from college as BMs. Everything has been less stressful since I made this choice. 

Post # 12
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@sunelake27:  You have whoever you want to have!  I was in a similar situation with a friend- I was her MOH and I haven’t seen her as much lately.  What worked for me is I didn’t ask people right away.  I asked this friend if she would be willing to go to a bridal show with me- to my surprise, she was very excited to go, made the plans, and we had an awesome time- that was enough for me to know that I wanted her as a BM.  Maybe test the waters?  Mention wedding planning and see if she is excited or asks questions, or offers to help?  Good luck- I know it’s a hard decision to make!  As for FSIL, that’s tougher bc it’s family.  I hardly know my FSIL (she lives out of state and I have only met her a couple of times) but I want to be closer to her, so I am making her a BM.  I don’t think it’s worth a family war to keep siblings out of the wedding party (but that’s a personal characteristic of mine).

Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors