Post # 1
- Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF
I’m starting to look at dresses for what we hope will be a May 2015 wedding and find myself a bit disappointed. While I haven’t tried on a wedding dress in-store yet (waiting to go home to the States so I can go with my mama), I’ve always envisioned myself in a sweetheart princess or sweetheart A-line dress. In fact, this Maggie Sottero has been my dream dress for ages – like, since the days of singlehood:
Unfortunately, I showed my FI a very similar dress and he got this really appalled look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he said, “Are you familiar with the show, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding?” (Note: That’s not intended to be a cultural jab; he literally made me watch it afterwards and asked if I didn’t see the similarity between the style I liked and the poofy dresses some of the girls on the show choose to wear.)
I’m a little bit sad now. Every time we watch wedding shows, if a girl is wearing a dress I love, he usually says, “It’d be nice if it was less poofy” or “It’d be nice if it wasn’t so massive!”
I really like the idea of having a larger dress and based on what I wore for my debutante ball (also a wedding gown) I know that I want something completely different to that and also really memorable. I don’t want to have a dress the size of a small country, but what’s wrong with wanting something a little princess-y?
I’ll be seriously dress shopping early next month when I fly home and I’m wondering: should I steer away from my dream dresses to make my fiance go “WOW” on the big day or should I ultimately buy what I love and have dreamed about? It may sound silly but I feel like I’m going to have major dress regret no matter what I do.
Post # 2
My advice would be to stop discussing the dress with your fiance. You are an adult woman and you get to decide what you wear. It is your dress. What is your fiance’s is a lifetime partnership with you, the person. The dress, in contrast, is yours, it is on your body and it should represent you as you see fit.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
jamb: +1. In the end, your SO is going to LOVE you in whatever dress you end up with.
That being said, I would suggest trying on a variety of styles– even ones you never thought you’d like. Having been around the Bee for even less than a year, you’d be shocked how many end up with dresses they never thought they’d like!
Post # 4
I think it depends, if you’ve already got an idea of what you want/feel good in, I would go with that. However, I was never the type of girl to think about weddings or dresses, so when it came time to choose my wedding dress, my groom was the deciding factor. I think no matter what style dress you choose, your FI will think you’re beautiful on your wedding day.
Post # 5
As an avid viewer of “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding”–and I can’t believe I just admitted that but oh, well, it’s the Internet–I can tell you that the dress you like does not remind me of that show in the least. I think it’s lovely! You know what else I think? I think you should get the dress YOU want and not worry about what your FI may or may not think. It sounds as though he will find anything wider than a sheath too pouffy, so just get what you like. My DH hates one-shoulder dresses but that didn’t stop me from trying one on anyway. I didn’t end up choosing that one but if it had been my dream dress I would have bought it and not felt bad about it in the least. Your FI won’t care as much about what you have on as you (or he) think he will–he’ll think your gorgeous anyway.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF
jamb: You’re right and I realized as I was writing my post that it sounds stupid for me to pass up on a chance to wear what I (think I) want on my wedding day. At the same time, I can’t imagine not discussing my dress with my FI because I value his opinion and unlike many men, he’s brutally honest when it comes to what I’m wearing (which I appreciate)!
Ordinarily I would do what I want as I realize it is my body but he’s compromised on a LOT when it comes to this wedding (ex. it’s going to be in the States rather than the UK, size of the budget, etc) so I feel – right or wrong – that I should compromise on the dress style.
Then again, if y’all are right and he won’t really care about what I’m wearing, then I’m going to go with my gut regardless! 😛
Post # 7
My DH-then-FI asked me not to get a big poofy dress – he hates them. I had always envisioned myself in a ballgown. He said he would love it no matter what I wore and it was up to me, but in my heart, there was no way I was getting a ballgown after he said that. I didn’t want the slightest hint of ‘what if he doesn’t like my dress’ on our wedding day. DH did not have many requests about the wedding, but this was one of them. And afterall, it’s a day about us as a couple, and what better way to start our marriage off with a compromise instead of being selfish!
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF
CityBearBride: Thank you for sharing that. Other PPs kind of made me think that I was crazy for worrying about this but it sounds like you know where I’m coming from. Ultimately, I do want my fiance to know that I thought about him in this regard, especially because as I mentioned above, I’ve basically had the final say in everything else. Perhaps I can find something in the middle (but closer to his style preference) when I finally go shopping. 🙂
Post # 9
<br />I definitely considered what my finace (now husband) would like when I chose my wedding dress. I didn’t want to look pretty for my guests. I wanted to look pretty for him. If he told me he difinitely did not like a certain style, I would not choose that style.
Post # 10
liameowchelle: I think you are on the right path feeling like you should compromise on your wedding dress…..
Post # 11
liameowchelle: Hello! I personally want my FI to think I look lovely on my wedding day – I almost took him dress shopping!. What he thinks is more important to me than what any other guest thinks, so I definitely took his tastes/preferences into consideration when dress shopping. I think you could definitely find a princess dress without such a full skirt. For example, my FI hates big “poofy” dresses, but I still went for an a-line with a full skirt. He loves it (I couldn’t resist and showed him a photo!). I’m sure you can find something that would make you both happy. Another thing to remember is this – men sometimes can’t separate you from the model in the pic. My FI kept hating dresses but when I covered the face of the model, he liked them! He just couldn’t imagine them on me. I mentioned this to my friend and she said her husband was the same!
Post # 12
liameowchelle: I’m sure that there’s a way of having your ballgown without worrying about his tastes not being catered for.
IMHO, a ballgown with pickups or lots of flounces or poof on the skirt looks a much bigger dress than something with simpler lines. It could be the flounce/poofiness, rather than the size of the skirt, that he’s really objecting to. My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding dresses tend to have a lot of poof and flounce, for a start.
Something that, as you said, is more like an a-line and maybe isn’t overloaded with detail sounds like something that could work for you (and, IMHO, is a more timeless look as well – less is more sometimes).
In the Maggie Sottero brand, I would be thinking something like this:
or this, if you suit a natural waist:
The other thing you can do is to ramp up the sexiness – whether that’s with a drop waist, plunging neckline or open back – so that his jaw will be so open that he won’t goddamn care about the rest of your dress LOL.
Post # 13
Well, I showed my FI my dress before I even bought it. I was showing him a few gowns and I remember him saying my dress was blah, too princessy and not me. Little does he know……I fell in love with it the instant I put it on and bought it a couple of weeks after his comment.
A few months after, we were on the couch watching TV and I started showing him dresses again. My dress showed up again (same exact picture as before) and all of a sudden he liked it, he said that dress was very sweet and really liked the shape of it.
Moral of the story……. men don’t pay attention to this nonsense. They see a dress and all they really focus on is the model lol. Buy the dress that YOU want. Your FI is going to be too nervous and focused on your face when you walk down the aisle, he won’t eve realize it is the same dress he was hating on a year before the wedding.
Post # 14
I didn’t avoid dresses because of his taste, but when I found the dress, part of the reason I knew it was the one was because not only did I love it and feel gorgeous in it, but I knew he would LOVE it.
I know he’d think I was beautiful no matter what, but I totally had him in mind while shopping.
Post # 15
I think every couple is different. Watching every episode of “Say Yes to the Dress”, it’s interesting to see how many brides are concerned with how their SO will react to their dress, and how some go for a style that their SO wants and not what they actually want. If his opinion matters to you, maybe a compromise can work between a couple different style of dresses.
My FI was telling me a story about an ex of mine (whose wedding he was in as an usher), and that my ex made his now wife return the first dress she bought cos he didn’t like it. My first thought was that seemed very controlling… and I’m glad I didn’t have to worry about that!
I have showed a dress similar to mien to my FI and he liked it. Will he like the one that I atually bought? I hope so!