Post # 1
So long story short, Fiance and I have been together for almost 7 years now and are finally getting married in 3 months 🙂 . We already have a home together, as well as a 4 year old son, we didn’t get married before because a) we wanted to make sure that we took care of certain things (me finishing school, buying a home) b) I wanted to know that he didn’t want to marry me just because we had a child together c) I plan on doing this once, and I really wanted a wedding to celebrate with family and friends…he would’ve gone to the courthouse numerous times, but I couldn’t just decide on a few witnesses.
Throughout mine and FI’s relationship (years after) they have met, got engaged, and married their SO. One in 2009, one last July, and one just a few weeks ago….My friend from 2009 just told me she is pregnant…I am sooo sooo excited for her, I mean she has always wanted to be a mom since I met her and we watched TLC Baby Story in our college dorm room…I love her to death and am super excited for her. Iknew that her and her Darling Husband were not “not” trying. Well track record is…once this one friend does something, generally the other from 2010 tries to do the same…well they are not not trying now as well. Then my friend that just recently got married (from high school so she doesn’t know the other two that well) her and her Darling Husband are not not trying.
I feel awful because I know its irrational…I mean who am I to say when you can start a family…but AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I want to say please can’t you just please wait a few more months? 3 months will fly by before you know it, and I want to be able to celebrate with my girls…and I’m sorry but yes, I want the focus to be on me and Fiance…our wedding…something that has been a long long time coming.
Am I awful for feeling this way? Anyone experience anything similar?
Post # 3
Your feelings aren’t right or wrong they are just your feelings and you are entitled to them. I wouldn’t say anything to the girls obviously as I doubt it would go over well. I would be worried to as I was so horribly sick my first trimester I would worry my gal pals would miss my wedding.
Post # 4
I agree with your feelings I had the same kinda feeling myself.. but it may not go over very well if you say something to them.. you could always say it jokingly like ..Cant ya just wait a few more months ya dont want to have to be everyones designated driver for my wedding do ya. or something? I dont know..it is a touchy subject to bring up but like you said its only a few months.
Post # 5
The problem is, you can’t really expect your friends to put their lives on hold for you – especially something like pregnancy which can be so hard to achieve and cause so much grief and stress for people who really want it to happen. I understand being afraid they could miss your wedding or that the attention might not all be on you, but if they’re friends you care about who care about you, then the love and excitement will be there on your day, pregnant or not.
Post # 6
What jocember said. We’re in cycle 4 of trying right now. On average, it takes couples 8 months to get pregnant. Also, were they supportive throughout your pregnancy? If they were, it does come off as a bit princessy not to be supportive of their decision to start a family when they chose to. I’m sure that they’re looking for the same support they gave you when you were pregnant with your little one.
Post # 7
I am not saying that I do not support their decision to start a family…of course I do! They are my best friends! And I never even planned to say anything to them, I was just wanting to vent my feelings out here on the board. And yes, they were all incredibly supportive of me when I was pregnant especially since it was a a different point in our lives when we were much younger, I would never not be supportive and caring for such an amazing gift.
Post # 8
My BIL & SIL welcomed their first child about 6 weeks before our wedding. Naturally I had to share the last/most exciting months of our engagement with them and their news. As an only child who was used to having all of the attention on her, I didn’t take this well. I was happy for them because they were happy but I was none too pleased with having to share the spotlight.
Our niece was born and everyone went baby crazy. My Mother-In-Law did a good job of juggling both major events and she never made me feel like our wedding took a back seat to the birth of her first grandchild (I’m really lucky because it could have been completely different). Our niece was not at our wedding but they did bring her down for some pictures beforehand so she could be part of the family portraits. Other than that, we didn’t even see her and no one asked about her. It was our day and it wasn’t about her so I don’t even think that she was on any of our guests minds (well except for her parents).
I only say this because I dealt with an actual pregnancy and birth right before our wedding and it really wasn’t an issue even though I totally worked myself up over it for so long. Even if your other two friends get pregnant, it’s not like anyone would even know about it unless they advertise. If your one friend is just announcing it now, she won’t be too far along to where it will affect your wedding in any way. I honestly wouldn’t worry about it. Take it from me, there are so many other things to deal with in the final months leading up to your wedding. Your friends pregnancy/impending pregnancies won’t impact you at all.
ETA: Also, one of my BM’s was about 3 months pregnant at our wedding and you would have never even known it. While she was showing a little, I don’t think that most of our guests could tell. Her bun in the over didn’t take away from our wedding in the slightest. Then again, she would also never let that happen.
Post # 9
@MamaMegs721: I saw someone mention on here, how your feelings are your feelings, amd feelings aren’t right or wrong.. only actions are.. but you can’t help the way you feel.. and I know it must be irriating because you wedding is soon and you want it to be all aboutyou but you can’t tell your friends to not get pregnant or something like that.. as long as they’re there for you on your wedding day and throughout the process they should be helping as much as possible as well. i have a friend who’s graduating may 7th so almost 2 months after my wedding, and she’s a Maid/Matron of Honor, I have 2, and sometimes that’s all she talks about and you know graduating college is a big deal for her because she’s the first in her family to do so.. I try to be understanding and realize that even though she’s super excited for my wedding, (she shows that and she’s planning my bachelorette party) she still has a right to be excited about her own plans and tell me about them.
Post # 10
Thank you all for the advice.
I’m not worried about anyone showing or anything…I just really wanted to get the whole experience with my best friends…and I know that their love and support will be there for me on the day as will mine for them throughout their pregnancy.
And…friend 2 just told me today she is expecting too!
Post # 11
I kind of know how you are feeling. Not only am I getting married next year but so is my sister and my bestie. My sister first, then me 3 months later then my bestie 2 months later. My sister is very pushy and we always joked about her taking over my wedding planning but now with her wedding 3 months before mine she is all consumed with her stuff.
I would’ve loved to be all up in the mix and arguing with her about stuff that I don’t like about her wedding and have her all in the mix arguing about stuff that I’m doing in my wedding but because we are both so busy planning we are not driving each other crazy( in a good way) and that is driving me crazy. We are going dress shopping together which I hope we can argue there..lol
So I totally understand. You want to be there for them and enjoying all the news and you want them to be partying in with you and enjoying your day.
Post # 12
I’m going to have 2 pregnant sister-in-laws at my wedding, both at about 5 months. Oh well! 😀 As long as they’re fine, it does not worry me. They’re just going to look a little big in the pictures and no drinks for them! 😉