(Closed) Shouldn’t he know by now that I’m “the one”?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m sorry you’re going through this, but my best advice to you is literally to trust your gut… we have internal messaging systems for a reason!

Post # 4
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I second @KristenGettingMarried!  As hard as these decisions are, we do have instincts for a reason and they usually protect us. 

Post # 5
2894 posts
Sugar bee

Depending on the relationship it can be. What you’re saying is at 1 year he wasn’t sure. That’s not completely out of line. I felt awesome about my guy at 1 year. Did I know he was the one? No. I hoped he was. But I didn’t know. Now, at almost 2 years I feel like he is, but it took time- for both of us. Every relationship is different. I agree with the other ladies though. You know your relationship better than anyone and instincts exist for a reason. If something stinks it might be because something’s gone bad. All I can say is don’t make any decisions while you’re angry. Vent, be angry, get it out of your system, and when you feel at peace again I’d sit down and see if you still feel the same way. Did he say why he wasn’t sure if you were the one?

Post # 6
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Hmm. I’ve always thought that 18 months was a very short amount of time to date before getting engaged, especially if you didn’t know each other before. I mean, obviously, it’s not the same for everyone, but I’ve always assumed 2 years was standard. But that could be just me.

I wouldn’t pressure him too much — it definitely won’t help your case.

Post # 7
3587 posts
Sugar bee

At your ages, yes he should know. Not like he’s young and still learning about women and his likes/dislikes and what he wants in a woman.

Post # 8
1325 posts
Bumble bee

It’s different for every couple and every person. Some people just know sooner and some people know later. Your guy may be a person who takes longer to decide. It’s not uncommon or unheard of.

However! If you are to a point in the relationship where you don’t want to spend more time waiting for him to figure it out, then you should move on. If you just have no desire to invest more into this relationship to find out, move on. I say this because you will find someone else who is just as compatible with you but who moves at the same pace as you.

Post # 9
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My grandpa (who was married for almost 65years before he passed away at 90), always said that a year is what you need.  If you don’t know at a year, or at least have a pretty damn good idea, then you won’t know and/or that person isn’t the right one for you.  I always took his advice to heart and completely agree with it. 

I agree with the above – trust your gut.  It’s there for a reason.  You want to be with someone who WANTS to be with you, not someone who’s not sure.  Don’t waste time wondering, go find someone that knows for sure!

Post # 10
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Marie Gabrielle

Hard as it is, I would say listen to your gut.  I am of the school that dating for many years without a commitment (when the goal is marriage) is a bad idea.  For fully matured adults, I don’t think longer than 12-18 months is necessary.  My feeling was that I didn’t want to date someone for a long time, not being sure, and then breaking up when I knew it wasn’t right a long time ago.  Think through what you really want – and then make the choice you feel good about!

Post # 11
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I agree with the rest of the posters… something is telling you that this isnt right or giving you warning bells.

Is there a difference for him between marriage and committment? My boy and I are waiting for financial reasons, but we are very committed, having bought a house together. So he definately ‘knew’ before 18 months but doesnt mean we were going to get married.

Post # 12
962 posts
Busy bee

I think that the time it takes depends on the age of the people in the relationship. At your age, I think that 1.5 years is more than adequate. If he doesn’t know by now, I’m really sorry, but he may never know. I am in the same boat. Almost a year and a half of dating and I am 30. My bf and I set a timeline of September. If he doesn’t propose by then, I am probably going to walk. I know some may disagree with me and say that I sound calculated and cold. However, a family is really important to me and time is ticking.

Post # 13
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Timing is different for everyone, but if your instincts are telling you it’s time to go, I say go – you never need more than what your gut is telling you! 

And I don’t think you sound like a raging lunatic or that you’re being unreasonable.  Personally, and I know everyone is different, but for me… if after a year I didn’t know that we both thought we were headed for the same things, I would be walking my fabulous self in another direction 🙂

Post # 14
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I knew at 18 months, and my FH and I started dating when we were 22.  I didn’t want to get married yet, but I knew.  At your ages, I think he should definitely know.

What does he say about marriage?  Does he say he believes in it and wants to get married someday? Has he been married before?  In serious relationships?  If he has been in serious relationships that didn’t result in marriage, that might raise a red flag for me.

Post # 15
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with moving on- definitely follow your instincts on this one.

Post # 16
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

If you are think you should walk, then walk. If he’s the one then it wouldn’t have come to that in the first place.

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