Shouldn’t the bridesmaids pay for their own dress?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m with you.  I have never expected a bride to pay for my dress, nor am I paying for my girls bridesmaid dresses.  I don’t get that assumption either.  I think it’s wonderful if a bride chooses to/can afford to do that for her bridesmaids, but that’s not the norm in my circle.

Post # 4
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

That’s totally not the norm in my circle, either. It’s expected that the BM’s pay for their own, at least where I’m from.

Post # 5
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

maybe she was in a wedding where the bride paid for the dress? I don’t think there is any reason to be mean about it, just tell her you would like to do that unfortunately its not in the budget.

Post # 6
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

The bridesmaids always pay for their own dresses, just as the groomsmen pay for their tuxes or suits. That is the cost of being part of the wedding party. I would say the exception to the rule would be if the bridesmaid does not have the means to pay for the dress and the bride does not want anyone to take her place and is willing to cover the expense for her. The bridesmaids or MOH also is responsible for hosting a bridal shower. IF the bridesmaids can’t afford this responsibility, they shouldn’t agree to be in the bridal party. 

Post # 7
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I definitely agree that BMs are responsible for buying their own dresses, so they shouldn’t assume the bride is paying. If the bride does pay, it’s a generous gift.

I wonder, though, if your friend is concerned about being able to afford the expenses of being a BM. Perhaps you could sit down and have a conversation with this about her? Obviously I don’t know her financial situation, but she may have asked this if she’s concerned she won’t be able to afford her dress, in which case, an honest conversation with her may go a long way towards a solution. 

Post # 8
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t know hardly anything about weddings until we got engaged so maybe she just doesn’t know all the traditions.  

Post # 9
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I had to explain the whole buying dress thing to one of my BMs. She genuinely didn’t know.

Also, my sister might not be able to pay for her own dress, so I will be covering that cost. I knew it when I asked her this may be the case, and I was prepared to do it for her.

Post # 10
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

She may not know… maybe her only experience with a wedding is one where her dress was paid for.  I know I was clueless about everything going into being a BM.  I just did whatever the bride asked, and when I didn’t know I asked questions. :>

I’m paying for my out-of-town BMs’ dresses, because they’ll have air fare and accommodations to worry about.

Being a BM is a financial commitment in addition to being an emotionally supportive role.  Not all people can manage the cost, no matter how much they love you.

Post # 11
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

This is different in different regions and different cultures.  I’ve been in weddings where I paid for my own dress and others where the dress was paid for.  Give the bridesmaid a break. I’m sure she didn’t mean to be presumptious.  She may have had the experience of the dress being paid for. 

Post # 12
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 1999

I think for the most part BMs pay for their own dress. UNLESS the bride is requesting a dress that costs a lot of $$$$. I’d say anything over $150 is a bit much. But that’s just me. It varies from region to region.

Post # 13
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

if the dress the bride picks is to expensive i think she should cover some of the cost. i would never spend more then 250 tax in on a dress so im not about to for someones wedding. if i cant afford to be a bridemaid i would tell the bride before i get into deep, its just a cost that if your picking me to have 10 bridemaids its just not fair. when i asked mine most knew it was a given and i know i will be for them and return the expectations (i dont really have any)

But there has to be compromise.

Post # 14
Member
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve never been a bridesmaid but I would definitely assume I was to pay for my own dress unless the bride told me otherwise. When we were going to order dresses, I told one of my BM’s that I really wish I could afford to get their dresses for them but she knows we’re on a tight budget and she told me it’s no problem and buying the dress is just “part of being a bridesmaid.”

Post # 15
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

As if the bride doesn’t have enough to pay for lol!

Post # 15
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with PP. I chose a dress that I later found out would be 185$, the girls loved it but couldn’t afford it. They went and tried on many other dresses and I didn’t like any of them so I paid $50 per dress, as we previously agreed to keep the price down.

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