posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@mysteryghost:  welcome to the hive!

i think the wine and cheese idea is amazing! I am already excited and would LOVE to come. Try to explain this person the idea you have, the feel you want to achieve and maybe she will understand.

Post # 4
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

What time will the shower be? As is, I think it sounds very classy and fun!

Post # 5
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@mysteryghost:  Your idea sounds just fine. If it were exclusively wine and cheese it may be a bit sparse, but you’re offering plenty of additional snacks and a cake. Doubtful anyone will go hungry!

Post # 6
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Also perhaps put on the invitation that light wine and cheese fare will be served so guests can plan their day’s meals accordingly?

Post # 7
417 posts
Helper bee

@mysteryghost:  I would completely happy with that.  I am a cheese/crackers kind of person and could live off of that alone.  Maybe some fingers sandwiches if the family member is totally insistant?  But something light and “fancy” ish.  

Not sure what is on the sandwiches in this picture, I just googled finger sandwiches and thought these looked good!  And you could do them with cookie cutters to get the cute shapes!


Post # 9
42135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mysteryghost:  For a shower held between 1 and 4 pm, I think your menu is fine. I would respond to her ” We appreciate your offer, but we want to stick to a traditional wine and cheese menu.”

The foods served with wine at a wine and cheese party are chosen for they way they complement the wine and vice versa. Serving tea sandwiches woudl make pairing the correct wine almost impossible.


Post # 10
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@mysteryghost:  it’s not that you wouldn’t have enough fod with the wine, cheese and little extra, but the variety of having some small sandwiches and salads will be appealing to the guests! Sandwiches like the picture @waitingalongtime:  posted would work well!

Post # 11
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would expect a lunch for a shower at 1-4. If you did a shower from 3-6, I wouldn’t expect a meal.

I think your idea is great, but I would add some light sandwiches that meet the mood. I agree w/ the aunt.

But, I also come from a place where full 5-course lunches are normal for bridal showers (NY).

Post # 12
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Does anyone remember a similar thread a few months back? The poster wanted to provide more food for a shower that was hosted at her house. We all kinda gave her the ok if I remember correctly.

Anyway, 1pm is still lunch to me. Id make it 2-5.

Post # 13
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I agree that your party idea sounds great! Though, I also feel that 1 pm is still lunch time. Ususally on days that I have to attend a shower, I am busy running around and getting ready, that I don’t have time to eat a real meal. As a personal chef/caterer, I would buy some artisan breads (not sliced supermarket breads, things with a crunchy crust like ciabatta and baguette) and buy maybe three types or french sausage slices, salami or prosciutto. Plate it next to some butter, Dijon Mustard varieties, and maybe some arugula. People can make a tiny sandwich.

I don’t feel that “tea sandwiches” in tiny shapes fits your classy/modern shower idea:)

Post # 14
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi @mysteryghost: First & foremost, I see this is your DEBUT Post on WBee… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive” 

I am a bit of an Etiquette Snob here on WBee… lol (take it all with a grain of salt)

And I also happen to be married to a HUGE Wine Lover… so let me offer my perspective with those two things in mind.

First YOU are right in the idea of what a proper Wine & Cheese Event should look like

And as much as Tea / Finger Sandwiches are lovely… they indeed do not fit the theme or mood that you are trying to create

I think that the well meaning Family Member is just trying to “do more” than provide her home… and help you Bridesmaids out (and yes it might be possible that she’s thinking that this is a rather large undertaking / outlay of cash for younger women… especially so as these days soooo many expenses fall on the shoulders of Bridesmaids that weren’t “traditionally” theirs to bear.  Being her age as well, I too find that BMs are now expected to do MORE THAN THEIR FAIR SHARE)

So I think it was a case of the person trying to be helpful.

I think what you should do is be more inclusive with her… tell her the vision you guys have in mind.

If she is truly old-world Italian… then I’m guessing if you tug on those “heartstrings” might go more your way… and who knows she might be able to help with appropriate decorations for the theme… or make wine suggestions from the “family region” in Italy etc.

— — —

PS… I soooo agree with @edepp2010: (Reply # 12) and the recommendations therein… all those are elements of food items that go well with Wine & Cheese… and in this way, it is true people can combine them (construct them) as they please… be it in small bites, or to make a sandwich etc.

Hope this helps,


Post # 15
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would answer her email:


Thank you so much for the offer! I’ve discussed it with the other girls, though, and we prefer to keep it minimalistic since it’s between lunch and dinner and the bride really likes winery-type menus.

Post # 16
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I understand your concern, and I also understand the home owner’s concern. What if you offered some heavier finger foods as a compromise. A variety of crostini, chicken salad served on mini croissants, tomato soup shooters with mini grilled cheese, and things like that. They can still be very elegant to fit your theme, but offer a bit more substance to appease the homeowner.

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