Post # 1
OK! So, I am MOH for a friend, and after consulting with the other bridesmaids I realized that funds might be slightly limited. I decided that what might be a great idea would to throw a fancy wine and cheese party.
I talked to the girls and they all think it’s great. The bride is a cheese fanatic, and loves to take afternoon trips out to local wineries, so it seems very fitting. We discussed getting wheels of fancy cheeses, and complimentary items like melon, dark chocolate, chutneys, olives, etc. and putting together a really fancy spread complete with framed information on the cheese and suggestions on what to pair them with. We would also provide a fancy cake for dessert. All of the girls are totally stoked. We all feel like it’s a super affordable option while not sacrificing elegance.
A family member of the bride offered to host since we all either live too far or don’t have enough space to accomodate the guest list. We were unbelievably grateful. We told her that she should not worry about any sort of costs, as we already had plans in the works that would cover everything needed. She asked to be clued in as to what the plans were thus far, so I happily obliged. I sent her our shopping lists, and the list of projects we’ve compiled to iron out who would be volunteering for what. She responded seeming slightly uncomfortable (she was totally polite and sweet about it though!). She offered to buy some “sandwiches and a salad or something” since she felt like we weren’t providing enough food.
I want to feel out the hive and see if I’m crazy. I have always felt like hosting an event between lunch and dinner (i.e. NOT at a meal time) and offering “light bites” is totally acceptable. I also kind of feel like having a traditional wine and cheese party is supposed to be streamlined, limiting the menu to cheeses and accompaniments, and to make it more of an experience than a meal. Offering a sub on the side cheapens the whole mood of it to me.
Are you inclined to agree with my feeling on the issue, or am I in fact planning an event with not enough food? We will have PLENTY of wine, cheese, crackers, fruits, nuts, etc., but not anything that would fall outside of the category of “finger food”. Is offering an elegant snack and dessert not enough? I’m starting to second guess myself like whoa!
Post # 3
@mysteryghost: welcome to the hive!
i think the wine and cheese idea is amazing! I am already excited and would LOVE to come. Try to explain this person the idea you have, the feel you want to achieve and maybe she will understand.
Post # 4
What time will the shower be? As is, I think it sounds very classy and fun!
Post # 5
@mysteryghost: Your idea sounds just fine. If it were exclusively wine and cheese it may be a bit sparse, but you’re offering plenty of additional snacks and a cake. Doubtful anyone will go hungry!
Post # 6
Also perhaps put on the invitation that light wine and cheese fare will be served so guests can plan their day’s meals accordingly?
Post # 7
@mysteryghost: I would completely happy with that. I am a cheese/crackers kind of person and could live off of that alone. Maybe some fingers sandwiches if the family member is totally insistant? But something light and “fancy” ish.
Not sure what is on the sandwiches in this picture, I just googled finger sandwiches and thought these looked good! And you could do them with cookie cutters to get the cute shapes!
Post # 8
@luckylady3090: I wanted to throw the shower from 1-4, so it’s after lunch time but before dinner. I’ve also already drafted an invite that titled the event a wine and cheese party, and in the subtext used the phrase “light bites.”
Really I think this relative comes from a backround where she just wants to feed anyone that comes into her home. My fiance’s mother is off the boat itallian, so I TOTALLY get that. I did a bunch of research on traditional wine and cheese events however, and they’re really supposed to be about snacking on gourmet cheeses paired with complimentary flavors, pallet cleansers, etc.. The fact that it’s MEANT to be on the minimal side lends itself to our budget, while masking the fact that there WAS a budget. It feels, to me at least, more like it was just the nature of the event to have a streamlined menu. I hate to admit it, but I feel being like “and also there’s this sub!” reeks of “we’re a bunch of broke twenty somethings who couldn’t afford to throw a sit down brunch at a restaurant.” haha.
Post # 9
@mysteryghost: For a shower held between 1 and 4 pm, I think your menu is fine. I would respond to her ” We appreciate your offer, but we want to stick to a traditional wine and cheese menu.”
The foods served with wine at a wine and cheese party are chosen for they way they complement the wine and vice versa. Serving tea sandwiches woudl make pairing the correct wine almost impossible.
Post # 10
@mysteryghost: it’s not that you wouldn’t have enough fod with the wine, cheese and little extra, but the variety of having some small sandwiches and salads will be appealing to the guests! Sandwiches like the picture @waitingalongtime: posted would work well!
Post # 11
I would expect a lunch for a shower at 1-4. If you did a shower from 3-6, I wouldn’t expect a meal.
I think your idea is great, but I would add some light sandwiches that meet the mood. I agree w/ the aunt.
But, I also come from a place where full 5-course lunches are normal for bridal showers (NY).
Post # 12
Does anyone remember a similar thread a few months back? The poster wanted to provide more food for a shower that was hosted at her house. We all kinda gave her the ok if I remember correctly.
Anyway, 1pm is still lunch to me. Id make it 2-5.
Post # 13
I agree that your party idea sounds great! Though, I also feel that 1 pm is still lunch time. Ususally on days that I have to attend a shower, I am busy running around and getting ready, that I don’t have time to eat a real meal. As a personal chef/caterer, I would buy some artisan breads (not sliced supermarket breads, things with a crunchy crust like ciabatta and baguette) and buy maybe three types or french sausage slices, salami or prosciutto. Plate it next to some butter, Dijon Mustard varieties, and maybe some arugula. People can make a tiny sandwich.
I don’t feel that “tea sandwiches” in tiny shapes fits your classy/modern shower idea:)
Post # 14
Hi @mysteryghost: First & foremost, I see this is your DEBUT Post on WBee… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”
I am a bit of an Etiquette Snob here on WBee… lol (take it all with a grain of salt)
And I also happen to be married to a HUGE Wine Lover… so let me offer my perspective with those two things in mind.
First YOU are right in the idea of what a proper Wine & Cheese Event should look like
And as much as Tea / Finger Sandwiches are lovely… they indeed do not fit the theme or mood that you are trying to create
I think that the well meaning Family Member is just trying to “do more” than provide her home… and help you Bridesmaids out (and yes it might be possible that she’s thinking that this is a rather large undertaking / outlay of cash for younger women… especially so as these days soooo many expenses fall on the shoulders of Bridesmaids that weren’t “traditionally” theirs to bear. Being her age as well, I too find that BMs are now expected to do MORE THAN THEIR FAIR SHARE)
So I think it was a case of the person trying to be helpful.
I think what you should do is be more inclusive with her… tell her the vision you guys have in mind.
If she is truly old-world Italian… then I’m guessing if you tug on those “heartstrings” might go more your way… and who knows she might be able to help with appropriate decorations for the theme… or make wine suggestions from the “family region” in Italy etc.
— — —
PS… I soooo agree with @edepp2010: (Reply # 12) and the recommendations therein… all those are elements of food items that go well with Wine & Cheese… and in this way, it is true people can combine them (construct them) as they please… be it in small bites, or to make a sandwich etc.
Hope this helps,
Post # 15
I would answer her email:
Thank you so much for the offer! I’ve discussed it with the other girls, though, and we prefer to keep it minimalistic since it’s between lunch and dinner and the bride really likes winery-type menus.
Post # 16
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I understand your concern, and I also understand the home owner’s concern. What if you offered some heavier finger foods as a compromise. A variety of crostini, chicken salad served on mini croissants, tomato soup shooters with mini grilled cheese, and things like that. They can still be very elegant to fit your theme, but offer a bit more substance to appease the homeowner.