Post # 1
My friend is getting married for the second time and having another HUGE wedding, and I am a bridesmaid (for the first time!). She is having a lingerie shower before the wedding. My best friend and grandmother are telling me I have to buy her a wedding shower gift and a wedding gift, whereas my Fiance (maybe not the best person to ask-hehe!) and my mother are telling me to only buy her a shower gift. It would be a little bit of a financial hardship to buy her two gifts, as I had to buy my own Bridesmaid or Best Man dress–(customary these days, I hear) and will be spending $600 on travel costs to attend her wedding. I am still short on money to pay for my own wedding this summer. I want to know what you ladies think about this subject, because I don’t want to be tacky and will shell out the extra money for two gifts if I am “supposed to.” I feel a little resentful because I feel like these types of themed showers are a way of getting “extra” presents…thoughts? Am I being a snob?
Post # 3
I would say do what you can afford. If that is only buying a shower gift so be it. You are spendig a lot of money to be with her on her wedding day and be in the wedding, and money is not endless. Also you have your own wedding to pay for.
A good friend will understand if you can’t buy a million gifts. And when it is your turn to get married this summer don’t expect people to spend more than they can.
Don’t stress yourself out over it.
Post # 4
In general, yes it is now the norm for BMs to purchase their own dress, and yes it is the expected norm that you bring a gift to both the shower and the wedding. That said, you can set a limit on how much you want to spend on gifts and simply split that between shower/wedding how you see fit. I wouldn’t expect a friend (particularly a BM) to shell out extra money on the shower especially if you’re in a financial hardship. Just make sure to write a heartfelt card.
The point of showers is to receive gifts (you’re being ‘showered’ with them). You can also not go to the shower, and then are not expected to send a gift. And while obviously you are never obligated to bring a gift and then couple shouldn’t be demanding them…most people will bring gifts and most will bring to both.
Post # 5
@bearlove: Completely agree.
Post # 6
You should give a gift for both, but as PPs said, you can choose how much or how little to spend. Are you friends with anyone else at the bridal shower? Perhaps the two of you could go in on something together to help you both save some money.
Post # 7
Well, there are several schools of thought on this one.
Typically, yes, as a bridesmaid you pay for dress, travel, hair, etc. And you would need to give a shower gift and a wedding gift.
Some would say that since you are in the wedding and traveling to the wedding that that gets you of the hook for a wedding present, but not a shower gift.
My personal opinion is that two gifts are needed in this situation, a shower gift and a wedding gift. A lingerie shower could be a very small, inexpensive gift and then the bigger gift would be the wedding gift (probably a monetary gift).
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
I would say that you should buy her a cheaper shower gift (like some plain-ish lingerie), and then a cheaper wedding gift off her registry. If you really can’t afford a wedding gift, then a very heartfelt card (and maybe even a 25 or 50 dollar gift card to her registry store) would be really nice.
If you really can’t afford a wedding present, can you make something? I just know that personally I would be really hurt if my bridal party didn’t get me a wedding gift (which I guess I have to prepare myself for).
Post # 9
BM’s have always bought their own dresses in my world, so that’s nothing new, and yes, you give a gift to both, as they are seperate events. Many people in the South don’t do both,however, so its really up to you as to how you want to go about it.
Post # 10
@eagle: My Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t get me a gift or even give me a card. I am still disappointed by this. Yet she wants me to send her a disc of wedding photos! So even though yes people maybe should give you a gift they may not, so be prepared.
Post # 11
A shower is a mandatory gift giving occasion so you must (if you attend) give a gift. The wedding however is not mandatory, but the rule I use is that if I would attend the wedding I should WANT to give a gift.
That said neither has to be an expensive gift. Just a token present.
If you are hosting this shower, that in itself is a gift.
Post # 12
When I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man, for the shower we all chipped in for the gift so we could get the bride something nice without breaking the bank for the rest of us.
Post # 13
sorry to tell you, but you have to buy her a gift for both. Something small for the shower, and more for the wedding.
If you are a DIYer, make her a story book or theme with the lingerie. Personalize it. A pair for shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. Hope that helps.
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
Miss Turkey had a really great DIY project posted for a lingere shower! Check out her post here: http://www.weddingbee.com/2011/12/06/panty-bridal-shower-gifts/
You could buy cheaper panties or try to get sale ones at VS.
Post # 15
Yes, proper ettiquette would say that you bring a gift to both, but like most others have said, you can certainly make it an inexpensive gift.
Post # 16
2 events = 2 gifts.
You don’t have to go all-out and spend hundreds of dollars. You can get gifts that are more budget-friendly. But each event should get a gift.