Shower, Bachelor and Bachelorette – Who is invited?

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 4
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BostonStacy:  Personally, I think it’s rude to invite someone to a shower or bachelor party that isn’t invited to the wedding.

 

Post # 5
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

Interestingly, I know lots of girls who get upset if they are invited to a bachelorette party and not the wedding. Technically you should only invite wedding invitees. The shower/ engagement party is 100% only for people who are invited to the wedding, but does not have to include everyone (for instance good friends, family friends but you don’t have to invite every friend of your FI’s GFs). 

On the flipside my FI has been invited to many bachelor parties and then not been invited to the wedding, and he doesn’t think it’s an issue.  He’s inviting a few guys to his that are not on our A-list too.  Women seem to notice/ care about this stuff more.

Post # 6
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am having a small wedding of ~40 guests which is mostly family, and just a few close CLOSE friends. That being said, a few girls who are not invited to the wedding are coming to my bachelorette party and are perfectly fine with it. They’re not terribly close to me (I met them through my MOH) but are fun to party with and don’t take offense about the wedding since they know how intimate it is (it’s also about 2 hours away so slightly destination-ish). So it really just depends on your situation.

Post # 7
Member
6875 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@MrsWBS:  Just curious for myself, but what if the person is eloping? Do they not get to have any showers or a bachelorette party since there won’t be a wedding?

Post # 8
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FutureDrAtkins:  I don’t know what etiquette dictates, but if I was eloping I wouldn’t have a shower or a bachelor party (though i didn’t have a bacehlor party for my wedding at all soo there’s that).  

 

Post # 9
Member
6875 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@MrsWBS:  I was thinking I wouldn’t have a shower because that would be gift grabby IMO, but I would like to have a bachelorette party since I’m still a bride. I would love it if my girlfriends all got together (plus, none of my friends have not had a bachelorette party, and I have thrown the majority of them in the group). I don’t think eloping makes a woman any less of a bride when she is engaged, but I’m afraid I’ll be judged anyways 🙁 It’s depressing.

@BostonStacy:  I think that you should only invite the women who are invited to the wedding to the shower. I do think it’s ok to have girls you don’t invite to the wedding come to the bachelorette party since it’s a much more casual event.

Post # 10
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FutureDrAtkins: you know your friends best, I’m sure they won’t judge!  I would be happy to attend a friend’s bach party even if she was eloping. I might side-eye a shower but I’d still happily attend and bring a gift.

I guess there’s this gray area now between a traditional elopement – where you aren’t really engaged you just decide to run off and get married and a traditional wedding.  So, some of these things fall into the gray area.  More traditional people probably won’t understand and might judge, but at the end of the day do what you want to do and let them judge away!

Post # 11
Member
6875 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@MrsWBS:  Well said! 

OP, sorry to thread jack, but I think MrsWBS said it very well “at the end of the day do what you want to do and let them judge away!”

Post # 12
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m pretty certain that I don’t want a shower. But if I was having one, only people who were invited to the wedding would be included in the shower, because it’s rude to ask for gifts from someone who wasn’t even close enough to you to be invited to the wedding.

As for the bachelorette party, I am having a family wedding with the only exceptions being family friends (known since childhood through my parents) and the wedding party. I’ll be inviting my friends to the bachelorette party regardless of whether or not they were invited to the wedding. If they take offense to that, frankly I think they’re being silly, but they can choose not to come. I want to party it up with them despite having a family-oriented wedding, so I’m not going to limit my friends celebrating my last night of being single!

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