Shower before engagement party?

posted 3 years ago in Parties
  • poll: Ok to have a shower before engagement party?
    Yes : (5 votes)
    16 %
    No : (25 votes)
    81 %
    Other (comment below) : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3948 posts
    Honey bee

    I probably wouldnt have an engagement party. Asking guests to go to two parties for you within 2-3 weeks is a lot. Especially around the holiday time.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3570 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think a Christmas shower is far too early for a May wedding.  Your shower should be in March or April.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6888 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Miss Manners says you are entitled to no more than one pre-wedding event where the same people are invited. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    3280 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I wouldn’t have an engagement party, especially that close to the shower although the shower seems pretty early

    Post # 9
    Member
    3570 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @kmb727:  I still think it’s waaaay to early.  That would work for a January wedding, not a May one.   I also think two parties during the holidays for one couple is over the top.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    6888 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @kmb727:  Fair enough, but the vast majority of engagement parties are not of the surprise announcement variety that they used  to be.   An  engagement party that is announced ahead of time, by invitation, is technically considered improper since  it is likely to be interpreted as a gift giving  occasion. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here… lol

    There is nothing wrong with having a DELAYED Engagement Party… particularly so if it thrown by a Family Member, and the Bride doesn’t live in the same town (ie going home to “family” for the Holidays)

    BUT it isn’t kosher to have Shower BEFORE an EParty

    EParty first then a Shower

    And Showers typically happen in “the weeks” leading up to the Wedding (and after the Wedding Invites are in the mail) not with months and months of leadtime

    To be truthful, I think your Mom’s idea is adorable (Xmas Ornaments) BUT with 4 to 5 months lead time it is too far in advance of the Wedding (assuming that your Wedding is set for May 2014 as per your WBee Profile)

    Hope this helps,

    PS… I VOTED = NO in your poll

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    7262 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    December is too early for a shower for a May wedding. I would also find it very strange to be invited to an engagement party after I’ve already gone to someone’s shower. There are so many things wrong with this situation in my opinion.

    Post # 13
    Member
    6812 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Agree w/ PPs – the engagement party and shower are both too close in time, especially around the holidays and the shower is way too early.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1888 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I think there is such a thing as party overload esp. during the holidays when people are already obligated to go to a bunch of parties.

    Post # 15
    Member
    626 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Everyone has hit the key pts.

     

    What’s so wrong about having a bridal shower later say feb. or april?

    Post # 16
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    TO @weddingmaven: as per “Traditonal Etiquette” when someone else throws an Engagement Party then sending out Invitations are ok, altho more often than not the Invitations are more casual in nature, and done by spoken word, in person or by telephone …

    This is considered ok, as it is an occasion meant to “honour” someone else (in the same way that a Birthday, or Retirement Party honours someone)

    What isn’t OK is when one organizes their own Engagement Party… one is not meant to honour oneself.

    And Engagement Parties are not normally a “gift giving” occassion, so there is no expectation of a Guest bringing a gift.

    However, if someone should do so, then they should be thanked in person, “Oh my gosh Mary you didn’t have to do that”… and the gift tastefully put aside to be opened later by the couple in private.  Then as per the Rules of Etiquette for all Gifts when given, a personalized Thank You Note should be sent to the Giver asap after the event.

     

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