Post # 1
Need some opinions please.. 🙁
So, long story short me and my FI live together so techincally we dont “need” a shower. My family lives far and my mom isn’t throwing me a shower, everyone thats coming to the wedding lives here where my FMIL lives… She asking my FSIL if she should throw me a shower because she doesn’t want me to get mad if she doesn’t..
SERISOULY!?!?!? That comment made me so mad, just finished crying! throw me one because you want to not because you feellike you need to, right??
Am I over reacting?? Just hurt my feelings. I feel like because we live together already that nobody’s taking my wedding seriously..
so frustrated and hurt 🙁
Post # 3
oh I’m sorry, that is hard. Even if you don’t “need” one, often you guys like to update your stuff and have new things to start a new chapter of your lives together.. that is hard though.
But you have to realize as well that a lot of people your parents and his parents age grew up in the era where people living together before marriage was frowned upon greatly. I know that my parents and my fi’s parents would have several things to say if we moved in before we married as well…
Yes, they are supposed to throw you one and it hurts that they are treating you like that too… I’m sorry.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you have to deal with this 🙁 It could be that FMIL doesn’t feel like she would be able to throw a nice event. You never know, she could be socially awkward and not want to have to be put in the social situation of a hostess. She could have *meant* that she really wanted to do it but she’s not the event-planning type and so she asked her daughter so she could make sure someone threw you one. Some people aren’t that great with words unfortunately. I hope things get better for you!
Post # 5
I don’t know about what other comments your FMIL might have made about your wedding, but I don’t think she did anything wrong in this situation. FMIL is not required to throw you a shower. If anything, your bridesmaids or family are responsible for it.
It would be really nice if she stepped in and took charge of the shower because your family was far away. But you can’t get mad at her if she doesn’t want to – it’s not the FMIL’s job to do that. Showers take time and money to plan! So she doesn’t want to throw you a shower but still cares about your relationship and wants to make sure you’re not mad at her. What’s wrong with that?
PS A lot of brides don’t have a shower – it’s not fun, but not anything to get super upset about.
Post # 6
I guess it just upsets me becauase why would she would ask my FSIL to find out from me if I wanted one or not.. then the oh i dont want her to get mad at me if i dont throw her one…WHATEVER Either you do it or you dont, dont go asking around.. it’s suppose to be a suprise anyways. and for the record she threw one for my FSIL for her 5 years ago…. Whatever, I’m over my little breakdown from before.. I need to relax, and let things just be. I guess if it happens it happens and if not oh well.. and actually id rather her not anyways because I feel like shes only doing it so I dont get mad..this is retarded!!
girlwitharing, yes I know that.. So not her job but everyone I know usually gets 2-3 showers.. 1 from mother, another from FMIL and another from co-workers..Crazy I know! She’s got the money and the time. Plus we have an amazing relationship, I consider her just as close to me as my mom.
Post # 7
I don’t think you thought she needed to throw one from what I read… I get that it’s kinda like she’s making you out to be forcing one when you aren’t. You can’t control what other people say/do, just try not to make a big deal out of it.
Post # 8
I would be upset too, I think it was a pretty mean comment
Post # 9
Does she know your family isn’t having one? She may not be sure of the boundries?
Post # 10
I understand it hurts that you want her to be thoughtful and generous, especially since you feel close to her. It’s hard to say what’s going on that she comes across as less than thrilled. Maybe it came out the wrong way. However, honestly, I think this was FSIL’s flub up. She shouldn’t have told you that much info about their conversation.
When you say she threw a shower for FSIL, is that her own daughter or DIL? Was she living with her husband before marriage? If she wasn’t I can see why FMIL would be more undecided about throwing you one. She might not know if you care for one, or if showers are normally given to couples already living together. (It might not be a passive agressive stance.) ANd it might be that she’s not much of a party thrower. Maybe your FSIL’s shower was more hassle than she cared to have. My mom is kind of that way.
Will you be mad at her if she doesn’t throw one? I could be way wrong. But it kind of sounds like you do want her to throw one. And that you would be mad if she didn’t. If you do want a shower, I think you should agree. (Or you’ll be more upset.) But if you are OK with not having one, just thank her but decline. If you want to put the ball back in her court, you could try saying, “If she wants to host one, I would be honored, especially in the absence of my family. But I don’t want to put her out, if she has too much on her plate. I’m sure there are things we could use for our home. But we’ve acquired most of what we need.”
Post # 11
Tanya, it’s her DIL and they weren’t living together before they got married. I can’t say I would be MAD , but maybe sad or disapointed..for sure not mad. She does say things without thinking twice and her DIL (FSIL) isn’t exactly my best freind so maybe she did that to upset me? who knows.. I don’t care anymore, it is what it is right! Thanks for your message though 🙂