(Closed) Shower drama

posted 7 years ago in Parties
  • poll: Do i say something?
    yes - if so what? : (11 votes)
    73 %
    no : (4 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Have you asked your mom why she felt it was appropriate to throw a shower for your sister but not for you?

    Post # 5
    Member
    1732 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would ask your mom about it.  Even though she’s right and the MOB technically isn’t supposed to throw a shower.

    Post # 6
    Member
    5978 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I would have a talk with your mom about what happened. I can absolutely understand why you’re so upset. I would be beyond hurt if my mom did this to me, and I think she needs to hear that from you. It might not be right ettiquette wise, but she’s doing something for your sister that she didn’t do for you, and it’s just hurtful the way she’s going about it.

    Post # 7
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Tell her, calmly, that it’s been bugging you.  Maybe even ask if your sister could fly to your hometown to “host” the shower for you, if your mom is worried about the appearance of her hosting it for her own daughter. 

    I am sorry you’re having to deal with this — as if having back-to-back sister weddings doesn’t already lend itself enought to jealousy, hurt feelings, competition, etc., and now this?  If you decide to talk to her, keep us posted! 

    p.s., if your family will be attending the shower in your hometown, can’t one of them host it?  Like an aunt or something?  I know you said you have the family tragedy going on, but maybe a little celebration in honor of you would cheer everyone up a bit…

    Post # 8
    Member
    711 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Yeah, I agree with the other posters. I would definitely, and calmly, tell your mom that you are hurt and confused, and wondering why she is hosting a ahoswer for your sister and not for you. It could be she feels bad for your sister, since her bridesmaids are not there, and wants to make sure your sister have a shower. But if you don’t say anything, the anger and resentment will probably just build. Good luck talking to her, or whatever you decide to do.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7175 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I would talk to your mom about it and tell her that while you understand why she didn’t want to throw you a shower (in light of the tragedy) but also communicate how disappointed you were – especially because she is now throwing one for your sister.

    I will say this – don’t expect an apology or anything.  Just say your peace and move on.

    Hopefully your mother will express to you her love and care for her – and genuine desire to throw a shower.  

    It sounds like your mom has a lot going on in her life and that’s perhaps what’s prevented her from being able to throw a shower for you (that she obviously had intentions to do)

    Post # 10
    Member
    66 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Pick up the phone and make a call. Be calm, be clear and be decisive. Let her know how you feel about this, but don’t be accusatory. Maybe something like “Mom, I really appreciate all the effort you have put into my wedding [even if she hasn’t]. While it would mean a lot to me to have you host a bridal shower for me, I understand your hesitations. However, I was really hurt and confused by your decision to host one for sister. [This is when you make it sound like you are worried you did something wrong, so she can’t become mean or defensive, which my mom would…] I am worried that maybe I did something to hurt your feelings or make you feel left out. It would mean a lot to me if you threw me a shower, or if you could be involved in co-hosting one with MOH”

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    1545 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    YEs! tell her how hurt you are and how thats not right at all. express all of your feelings to her because that doesnt seem right at all

    Post # 13
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Your mom sounds like she had other stuff going on given her back and forth.  It’s past; leave it alone and move on.  In the back of everyone’s mind, the truth will be known.

    Post # 15
    Member
    516 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I think you really need to have a talk with your mom. You don’t want to enter marriage and be on bad terms with your mom, because wether or not you believe it you will need her in the future. Definitely tell her you are hurt and do so nicely. Try and get to the bottom of it- BEFORE the wedding, dont wait.

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