Post # 1
When i first got engaged I asked my mom to host the bridal shower in my hoemtown so she could be “involved” since i was having the wedding elsewhere (in FH’s town). The deal was my Maid/Matron of Honor who lives close to my mom would plan everything and it would be hosted in the house i grew up in!
My mom was super excited!! she said yes! So i planned ot have engagment pics taken in my hometown at the time of the shower and go floating down the river for my stagette, make a weekend out if it!
As time rools by I ask my mom if she would still like to host it as i havent heard anything yet…she FLIPS!! says its rude for her to host the shower as it looks like a money grab etc. Ummm ok. So Future Mother-In-Law hosts the shower instead and BM’s plan it…fine over it. My mom comes to this shower (flys all the way here…bless her heart) but becomes SUPER sad after saying it should have been her that was hosting it…WTF? So i tell her she can still host one and we can invite all my family (FMIL’s shower was mostly FH’s family and friends as im not from here) She says okay…we pick a day, I start a guest list and email it to her and she doesnt respond….I wait and wait. A family tragedy happens but in no way really effects having a shower but my mom says “no i dont think we should do it now cause of blah blah ” okay…i kind of get it…
My sister lives in the same city as me and is getting married next summer, her wedding is in our hometown but her and non of the BM’s live there. My mom is planning on throwing her a shower, even though there are no BM’s there and she didnt throw one for me…im super upset….like “im never talking to you again” upset….my sister has always been the fave…but this move just seems a little to much “in your face” and is really very hurtful…
Should i say something?
Post # 4
Have you asked your mom why she felt it was appropriate to throw a shower for your sister but not for you?
Post # 5
I would ask your mom about it. Even though she’s right and the MOB technically isn’t supposed to throw a shower.
Post # 6
I would have a talk with your mom about what happened. I can absolutely understand why you’re so upset. I would be beyond hurt if my mom did this to me, and I think she needs to hear that from you. It might not be right ettiquette wise, but she’s doing something for your sister that she didn’t do for you, and it’s just hurtful the way she’s going about it.
Post # 7
Tell her, calmly, that it’s been bugging you. Maybe even ask if your sister could fly to your hometown to “host” the shower for you, if your mom is worried about the appearance of her hosting it for her own daughter.
I am sorry you’re having to deal with this — as if having back-to-back sister weddings doesn’t already lend itself enought to jealousy, hurt feelings, competition, etc., and now this? If you decide to talk to her, keep us posted!
p.s., if your family will be attending the shower in your hometown, can’t one of them host it? Like an aunt or something? I know you said you have the family tragedy going on, but maybe a little celebration in honor of you would cheer everyone up a bit…
Post # 8
Yeah, I agree with the other posters. I would definitely, and calmly, tell your mom that you are hurt and confused, and wondering why she is hosting a ahoswer for your sister and not for you. It could be she feels bad for your sister, since her bridesmaids are not there, and wants to make sure your sister have a shower. But if you don’t say anything, the anger and resentment will probably just build. Good luck talking to her, or whatever you decide to do.
Post # 9
I would talk to your mom about it and tell her that while you understand why she didn’t want to throw you a shower (in light of the tragedy) but also communicate how disappointed you were – especially because she is now throwing one for your sister.
I will say this – don’t expect an apology or anything. Just say your peace and move on.
Hopefully your mother will express to you her love and care for her – and genuine desire to throw a shower.
It sounds like your mom has a lot going on in her life and that’s perhaps what’s prevented her from being able to throw a shower for you (that she obviously had intentions to do)
Post # 10
Pick up the phone and make a call. Be calm, be clear and be decisive. Let her know how you feel about this, but don’t be accusatory. Maybe something like “Mom, I really appreciate all the effort you have put into my wedding [even if she hasn’t]. While it would mean a lot to me to have you host a bridal shower for me, I understand your hesitations. However, I was really hurt and confused by your decision to host one for sister. [This is when you make it sound like you are worried you did something wrong, so she can’t become mean or defensive, which my mom would…] I am worried that maybe I did something to hurt your feelings or make you feel left out. It would mean a lot to me if you threw me a shower, or if you could be involved in co-hosting one with MOH”
Post # 11
Oh maybe i need to make note that the wedding is July 24th so its coming up fast and there is no longer anytime for me to head to “the north” my home town for my mom to host the shower.
I should alos make note that i didnt want my mom to have the shower, cause i know that is poor etiquette, I just wanted it to be in my childhood home. My Maid/Matron of Honor who lives nearby would plan the whole thing.
When i got engaged back in Oct mom said she would host. Then after the shower here The mainland” she felt sad and we planned it for June6th but it fell through.
My sisters wedding isnt till NEXT summer but i know mother will be hosting a shower for here sometime after my wedding (one has not been hosted yet….my concern is mostly specualtion..but i know my family and I know them well…this is totally going to happen) If you read some of my older posts you can see that i have already had drama with my family tripping over there feet to asist with sisters July 30, 2011 wedding over my July 24, 2010 wedding…
I wont say anything until my mom actually says “Im hosting a shower for your sister” and i think all i will say is that I am deeply hurt that she is doing this after she refused to do mine and we actually had a yelling match and fight over the fact that she has done nothing for mine. I just feel like anything i say is mute anyways….I think they will just think i am rude for even saying anything…or jealous (which in a way i am …i mean seriosly who would be?!) but im more hurt then anything.
Post # 12
YEs! tell her how hurt you are and how thats not right at all. express all of your feelings to her because that doesnt seem right at all
Post # 13
Your mom sounds like she had other stuff going on given her back and forth. It’s past; leave it alone and move on. In the back of everyone’s mind, the truth will be known.
Post # 14
@thebriz no not really. She was “free” from October to June and she chose to do nothing.
Post # 15
I think you really need to have a talk with your mom. You don’t want to enter marriage and be on bad terms with your mom, because wether or not you believe it you will need her in the future. Definitely tell her you are hurt and do so nicely. Try and get to the bottom of it- BEFORE the wedding, dont wait.