Post # 1
Originally, my shower was to be hosted by one of my older cousins. Once all my BMs found out they wanted to help. My older cousin decided to let them be the main co-hosts and she be a silent host, basically foot the bill. I was excited that my BMs wanted to be so involved and they got started on right away. The shower was supposed to be small, intimate, couples shower with no kids. After the invitations are out, the silent host decides she wants her kids there. She has two boys. One in college,18, and one in high school,17. We originally planned on paying them to babysit all of the kids at my moms house. Everyone was happy with that. Now she is insisting them being there because she is paying for the shower and wedding cake. I am so upset. Granted her kids are older, but if I make exceptions for her kids then I have to invite more of the other older kids. She then says that her boys should be invited because BM1 and BM3 are invited, and they are the same age. BM1, 19, is my MOH and also my sister. BM3 is 17, but she IS a bridesmaid. BM2 is even mad and the silent host is her sister. FI is upset because I am upset. And my mom is telling me to just deal because it’s not worth the possible outcome, even though silent host and I have never been close. I am just so hurt that she would hold those things over me…and not even directly to me, to BM2. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have been so accomodiating to people throughout my planning even though its my wedding. I don’t exactly want them there, I doubt they want to be there, and if they don’t watch the kids at my moms I know that half of my shower list wont come! Sorry everyone, I just needed to vent! 🙁
Post # 3
You basically have two options:
1. Get someone else to host it…. which then will cause unnecessary drama in your family.
2. Let your older cousin host it regardless. If she’s not even a BM, it’s still very generous of her to host the event and foot some of the bills. Let her have her sons be there. It’s not like they will be hanging around a bunch of ladies opening gifts. I’m sure they will find better things to do. You do not have to tell the other guests about the boys being there. If anyone asks, simply tell them that it’s the host’s children and it’s non-negiotable.
Post # 4
17-19 year olds hardly seem like kids! When people talk about not wanting kids, it’s because they don;t want little ones running around acting like maniacs or crying. But older teenagers? I do not get that at all.
Post # 5
I agree with @pointofnoreturn18: ‘s option 2. Those boys live there. No one else can reasonably ask to bring their kids because a couple of teenagers are there at their own house. Besides, they will probably get bored and retreat to their rooms.
Only problem is you need to find another babysitter(s) now. But if those boys don’t want to do it, there’s no point insisting that they do.
Post # 6
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
Honestly, are those boys going to want to be there? Because from what I know of 17-18 year old boys, the last thing in the world they want to do is go to a bridal shower. So maybe they’ll be there just for a bit then go skateboard or smoke pot at the park or play Playstation or whatever it is teenage boys do with themselves. In all seriousness though, I wouldn’t worry too much. They’ll probably sneak out as soon as they eat.
Post # 7
Yes, really – 17 and 18-year-old guys? I wouldn’t worry about them being there at all. That little problem will take care of itself, guaranteed.
Post # 8
I think there was a misunderstanding. The shower isn’t at their mothers house. The boys didn’t want to go. They were all planned to watch all the kiddies and hang out with the other cousins their age at MY mothers house. It’s their mom who is mad that they aren’t invited to the shower because she is paying for the shower and the cake. The actual shower is at a hotel in the same town as MY mothers house. My parents are paying for the cost of the room at the hotel, she is covering everything else. She is mad because she assumed I was referring to them as kids…which I wasn’t. I know them, know they didn’t want to be there so made arrangements for them to watch the kids and was even going to pay them. Everything was all planned…it was her that was causing the drama.
Post # 9
Hm … well, it still sounds like the real issue is between the cousin and her sons. If she wants them to be there for the sake of them not being excluded, but they don’t want to be there, basically she’s inviting them and they’re turning her down, right?
Post # 10
@sjs: I would pick my fights and this is not one. Your cousin, who you say isn’t close with you, is being gracious enough to host your bridal shower and pick up the tab for not only the party but your wedding cake. Her one son is an adult and the other will follow within the year, so I do not consider them children. You don’t need to explain to anyone why they are they, they just are. They will most likely just eat and disappear to play video games or hang with their friends. Maybe this is just her polite way of saying they don’t want to be the comminity babysitters at your mom’s house. It is nice that you are being considerate in arranging childcare, but it is not your job. Your guests that have children can find a babysitter so they can attend your shower. Most parents have a list of sitters they can call so I am sure it won’t put them out to hire someone. If they don’t have someone you can refer them to care.com.
Post # 11
1. They’re hardly kids at that age.
2. As the bride, the guest list really shouldn’t be your concern at all.
Post # 12
The shower is a gift given to you by friends or family. The guest list is outside of your control. I understand not wanting younger children there, but two teenage boys who will likely disappear and not give a hoot about what’s going on hardly seem worth the drama that is being lent to the situation. It can only be a point of contention if you fight it – if she wants to extend the invite, let her. Chances are they aren’t interested anyway!
Post # 13
I would let them come because of all the reasons you listed 1) they are older, 2) their mom is paying for the party and the cake, and 3) there are going to be girls that age too. If it was for adults only then get rid of the bridesmaids and make it fair.
Post # 14
bottom line is this: she’s throwing you a party. at her house. her choice, not yours! smile, say thank you and be gracious.
Post # 15
Even though I have been posting here for MONTHS…I still think “shower = getting wet to clean oneself” when I see it. Therefore, shower drama sounds VERY interesting!!
My real question is…do the guys want to go to the shower? It’s SUCH a girl thing… Also, if your bridesmaids are the same age as the “boys”…then they are all kids. So it’s not like she’s bringing her bratty three year olds.
Post # 16
You don’t need to make exceptions for anyone else’s children. I would let the cousins come, chances are they’ll just eat and disappear anyway. Kinda sounds like your aunt is trying to set her sons up w/ your BMs lol! Bottom line – the shower’s not your problem!! I would step away from planning it, the last thing you need is extra stress right now.