- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
So.. a bit of drama in my world.
Some background. My mom and dad divorced when I was 2 years old. Mom left dad. After that, my grandma (mom’s mom) went above and beyond the normal role of a grandparent. I lived with my dad and eventually step mom (dad remarried when I was about 5 years old). Grandma took me to dance classes, sports practices, anything she could to help my dad when he was single and this carried over after he was remarried. I am my mom’s only child and the only grandchild on this side. My grandma and I were VERY close. She passed away 2 1/2 years ago. She wasn’t crazy about my step mother and there were definitely sensitive times, but they pretty much got along and dealt with it okay.
Fast forward to ~6 months ago. FI and I got engaged and were starting to plan our wedding. My step mom and great aunt (grandma’s sister) were both saying that they wanted to give me a shower. The guest lists had just about everybody but ten people in common, so i asked if they would be willing to just work together to do one shower. Since I live about 150 miles away from them and they both live in the same town, it would be easier on me to come “home” for one weekend instead of two. Everybody says ok.
Fast forward to ~2 months ago. My great aunt calls and asks if I would rather just have some of the bigger items on my registry instead of a shower. Some people already know about the shower, although invites hadn’t gone out yet. I am taken back and upset that she seems to be “backing out”. I explain to her that I am hurt, she says that she feels my grandma would have never had a shower with my step mom so she shouldn’t either. I am fuming upset because why did she agree in the first place?! And my step mom and gma did many events for me together (grad party, bday parties, mother’s day for my college sorority, etc etc) while I was growing up. I explain this to my aunt and remind her of all of those events, and she apologized for upsetting me and says forget this ever came up, she will do what she agreed to do.
About the same time, my MOH’s father in law has surgery and goes into a coma. She had been wanting to do a shower, but we talk about it with my step mom, and it seems like the best option for MOH to help with the family shower. She works 60+ hours a week and has her FIL hospitalized. She offers to do the invites, some favors and a few of the personal touches for the shower. Everybody is content and moving along..
~2 weeks ago invites go out. I go “home” for a weekend and cannot reach my aunt. I wanted to visit her and spend some time with that side of my family. Nobody returns calls..
I send a message to my cousin (great aunt’s son). Turns out, my aunt is upset that her name was not listed first on the invite and it sounds like she is backing out and not coming to the wedding. She said it is a slap in the face and disrespectful. I am so upset that this is so out of hand. The names of the hosts were listed in alphabetical order so that nobody would feel inferior, outranked, etc. All of my grandma’s sisters (there are four) are all saying that they aren’t coming to the shower or wedding. I tried to explain this and got “what does alphabetical order have to do with anything” and “I was the one who wanted to do the shower in the first place and all it has been is grief since it’s inception”.
I am so hurt and distraught. Never in a million years did I think my aunt would say such hurtful things and be so awful to me. All of my ties to my grandma’s family and things that remind me of her will be absent on my wedding day.
Any advice on how I can calm the waters?