Weddingbee boards

So my parents had a really bad bad divorce.  My mother refuses to be in the same room as my step-mom as a result.  My Dad (who I work for at the family business) has pressured me from the beginning of our engagement to include my step-mom in my showers. 

I have such a large family and group of friends that I decided to split the group into 3 showers.  1st Shower- Lingerie where only my friends would host and attend NO ADULTS. 2nd Shower- FMIL's friends would host and thus his family/friends would attend and the 3rd Shower- My mom's friends would host and only my mom's friends/family would attend. 

I decided to send my Dad's sister, mom, SIL, nieces and wife to the 2nd shower that FMIL is hosting.  I did this to keep my mom and step-mom separated and also to keep the guest list size reasonable.  Plus the FMIL doesn't have many friends that live here in town so that shower was going to be small if I didn't send some of my family to it.

Well I explained my reasoning to my mom because to me if anyone should be upset it should be her the mother of the bride.  Well this past weekend my Dad's mom started crying in front of me. I went over to her and asked if she was okay.  She said that her feelings are hurt that she didn't get invited to all my showers.  So I explained to her why I seperated the guest list out.  Well she is stil upset and she tells me that my aunts and cousins are upset too.  I have been calling all my Dad's family trying to resolve this.  My mom's family is only invited to Shower 3.  So it's not like one side of the family is getting to go to more parties then the other side.

I am just so frustrated and upset.  I'm upset that I've hurt my 83yr old Grandmother's feelings.  I'm upset because my cousin who just got married last month seperated out her guest list exactly like I have but yet no one complained to her.  I'm the oldest grandchild on this side of the family and there just has always been a higher-standard set for me then the other grandkids.  Plus my Grandmother thinks that she is being punished for my Dad's actions.  My showers are this weekend and I don't even want to attend them any more.

To top it off my Grandfather purchased my wedding gift online and had it shipped to my house with instructions to wrap it and bring it to my shower for my grandmother to hand to me.  So here I was yesterday wrapping my gift from Her while in tears.

I thought this was suppose to be the fun part of planning a wedding :(

Thanks you two. I thought I was doing the right thing and this came out of nowhere.  My grandmother fell last month and hurt herself so she has now been confined to a wheelchair.  So I thought that it would make it easier on her too to not have to go to more then one shower.

I just don't understand why people have to make things more stressful for us brides then need be.  Thanks again for helping me see I'm not alone in my thinking.

I'm so sorry, Vintage (((HUGS)))

That sounds so stressful. Have you had a chance to talk to your grandmother yet?

I talked to her while she was crying and then again the next day.  I talked to her with my PaPa there because I wanted him to know what was going on to.  It just made for a losy couple of days.

So here's in an update to my shower drama.  My aunt and I spoke on Monday about the shower guest lists and she explained to me that she was upset that she didn't get invited to the 3rd shower because that was the shower all her friends were going to and she hadn't seen her friends in over a year.  And so she was just venting to her mom (Dad's mom) that she thought she should have been invited to that shower instead.  So after talking with my mom, we both agreed to invite my aunt and grandmother to both showers to keep the peace.  As it turns out my aunt is still complaining to people around town and it has gotten back to both myself and my mom.  I just wish she would drop it. I verbally invited her and the hostess is sending both of them an invitation.  What more do you want?

And to top things off. The whole reason for spliting the list in half was to keep my mom and Step-mom separate.  As it turns out my step-brother's baby was born this morning and so my Dad and her have left the state to go be with them. More then likely they won't make it back in time for the shower on Saturday.  Agghh!