- 10 years ago
- Wedding: May 2008
My MOH, along with my mother, are trying to throw a "surprise" shower, though my MOH accidentally spilled the beans before realizing it was a surprise, and my fiance keeps accidentally saying things.
That said, my mother asked my fiance for a list of individuals I would like to try to invite from my side, and asked my fiance to get a list from his mother of people she would like to have invited to the shower. I know a lot of people have big, all out showers (my cousins invited every female invited to the wedding), but I wanted something smaller and more intimate with people I know better — we had a big engagement party already and I wasn’t thrilled with spending the whole time trying to meet people I hadn’t known before, rather than spending time with my own out of town family who I only see every few years.
Another big reason why I don’t want a big shower is because of the financial constrains — my bridesmaids and MOH are ALL in graduate school and don’t have a lot of money, and my parents are footing a huge chunk of the bill so I don’t want them to feel obligated to contribute more. My fiance’s mother sent us this HUGE list of everyone she wants invited, and it’s more than double the number of people I wanted invited, total, from both sides. We brought up the point to her that we probably would not invite everyone and could she prioritize, and she doesn’t understand why we can’t invite everyone.
What is the best, most tactful way to hande the situation? I don’t mean to be bridezilla here, but I thought the shower was kind of about the bride, not about the mother in-law? I don’t want my closest friends to have to shell out hundreds and hundreds of dollars to invite people that I don’t even know! If my mother in law wants to have all these people, is it wrong to suggest that she find someone from her side of the family to throw a shower? That just seems SO AWFUL in my mind, and I’m not being greedy — I’d rather NOT have a big shower or a second shower at all, but nobody seems to care about what I want. I’m also in graduate school and have no money, but would it be appropriate for me to chip in $500 or so towards the shower just so my bridesmaids don’t have to pay? I don’t know how to deal with the situation without pissing off someone, and I don’t want to start any family rifts by refusing to invite people my FMIL wants, or create problems with my bridesmaids because there are more people than they can afford to have. Truthfully, I’d rather NOT have a shower at all or just a bridesmaid lunch instead, and I’ve brought this up multiple times but nobody will listen.