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i would stay out of it and let the bride invite who she wants. if people are mad and don't want to come/bring a gift, it's up to them. the bride will have an issue with them, not at you.
As artbee mentioned, typically the bride should provides a shower list, and I would invite the people she wants there. If other family members are as hurt by her decision to not return the gifts from her previous engagement as you are, I'm guessing she will get lots of well wishes and congratulations, but less extravagant gifts.
I'd keep it in the back of my mind, but stay out of it for now. It's really up to the gift givers what they want to do. Just use it as an FYI for the MOH after the invitations go out, like if she's not getting any 'yes's'.
How long ago was her shower before and why on earth did she keep all the gifts??
This might be an unpopular question--- but why is she having a second shower at all? The point is to get gifts for your household, and it sounds like she already got these . Why not have a tea or luncheon and have the party revolve around playing some bridal games and well-wishing, rather than gift-opening? Or maybe you could make it a theme shower (lingerie or something) that will make the gifts different from whatever she got at the first one.
But if the bride wants a regular shower, just go with it. It sounds like the MOH is in charge of it (from your post), so probably the biggest help you can be is to diffuse the situation with any irate family members. And maybe suggest to the bride that her registry include some modestly priced items for repeat shower gift-givers.
The first shower was about 5 years ago. I think she's having a second shower because it's an entirely new bridal party (except for me). The girls are really into it, and she didn't say no. If she wants another shower, I don't have a problem with it at all. I actually do just want to stay out of it, but because she is family and not just a girlfriend some of our mutal family members (aka my mom and sister who are NOT in the wedding party) are going on about how rude it would be for her to invite the women who went to the first shower. Maybe if I show them this post they will back off. ;) Thanks for all your responses, I just really wasn't sure what to do about this one!
I like the idea of the theme shower, like lingerie or recipe exchanges. I don't think it's a matter of the double invitees, as it would be the gift situation. It's a sticky situation, I would bring up the idea of a theme shower and ask if she wants to do something new this time around?
If anyone is really annoyed, they either won't show up, or won't bring a gift.
Five years is a long time to hold a grudge about a place setting. If the girls are into it now, what's the problem? My best friend was in a similar situation (even down to the five years), and I don't remember anyone being upset. Showers are thrown FOR the bride, not BY her, anyway.
Five years have passed, I think she's allowed to have another shower. I wouldn't worry about it, I'd be excited for her! If everyone else is on board, then I don't see a reason why you shouldn't be too!
I agree - let the bride make the shower guestlist and just keep out of it. It's not your problem if people get annoyed about it. I will say, though, that keeping the shower gifts was a pretty bold move. I wonder if it has even occurred to her that people might be offended.
Now that you've mentioned it's been five years, I think it's probably okay.
Just explain to your mom and sister that she and her bridal party would like to spend some quality time with everyone, and if they DIDN'T invite family members, that would probably be rude too. Hey, people can always give her like, a measuring cup or something if last time they went in on a KitchenAid :)
I don't know- I would be irritated if I was one of those repeat guests. She should absolutely have sent those other gifts back. But I do think she is entitled to a shower, especially since there will be relatives from the groom's side as well. I also think it's a little odd that 5 years later she has an almost entirely different wedding party. I would just let her supply the guest list and go with the flow if I were you.
Thanks for all the replies ladies... the bride can be a little bit of drama queen, so I think she has cut ties with all the girls from her original bridal party. I'm family, so I'm here for round 2 :). I just found out that she is not going to invite the women that were invited to the first shower. Although all the family members are invited to the wedding, she has only invited friends and the family of the groom to this shower. I am VERY happy that she made this decision and thanks again for your responses! :) :)
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A close family member of mine is getting married next year and I am one of the bridesmaids. This is sort of an "encore" as she was previously engaged, but cancelled the wedding. Because of this, she already had a shower AND she did not return any of the gifts she received from the shower.
I am the only person in the wedding party who has been a bridesmaid for both weddings and I am wondering who should be invited to this shower. I know that if I was invited to the first shower, in which a wedding never happened and I didn't receive my gift back I wouldn't be too keen on attending/sending a gift for a second shower. I am particularly worried about her inviting all of our family members for bridal shower round 2. Should I mention something to MOH about the guest list or should I just stay out of it and let the bride decide what she thinks is best to do?