Post # 1
I am fine with not having a Bridal Shower, but alot of family friends and personal friends have been hounding me for shower information. I know its considered rude to ask someone plan one or plan one myself. But I also know my bridesmaids most likely wont be doing one since three are out of town, and two are not really into the traditional roles of being a bridesmaid. I love them, and am not upset about this. We talked before about all I wanted was them there in a dress, and they were very grateful.
My question is would it be rude to ask my mom or FMIL if they would host?
I feel like I am doing something wrong, but feel I will be in trouble with the more traditional side of our families if I just let it go.
Post # 3
if people are asking you about shower info all the time, you can just tell them there aren’t anny planned- maybe someone will offer to host!
Post # 4
I don’t think its rude as long as you aren’t dictating the kind of party you want. Maybe you can offer to help cover costs, if need be. I know that a lot of people are okay with not having a bridal shower, like you say you are. I would feel like I was missing out though, and I’m sure your mother or FMIL will feel like you deserve one 🙂
Post # 5
I agree with ms. meowerson Or you can bring it up to FMIL or Mom (same basic question like what should i do) Maybe they will know if someone wants to host one or deside to do it themself?
Post # 6
It would be rude for you to request anyone to host a party for you that the sole purpose is to give you gifts (which is what showers are). It is also inappropriate for your mom or FMIL to host a shower for you in the first place. So to ask them to do so is a double no in my book.
I think you are ok to tell people who ask about a shower that as far as you know there is no shower as no one has asked you about one. That leaves the door open to someone offering to host.
Post # 7
I think the “rudeness” factor depends on how close you are to your mom and FMIL. I know that I’d feel comfortable asking my mom to help me figure out a shower if no one else was going to, though I know that’s because of the relationship I have with her and because of her level of participation so far in the wedding planning.
FMIL, I wouldn’t feel as comfortable asking for quite a few reasons, the biggest one being that I don’t feel close enough to ask her to do something so big–I still have some shyness around her. (Plus there’s a lot of the practical things to consider as well).
I think ultimately, the best question to ask yourself too is, how come you’d like a shower? Is it to appease the traditional family members, or to have a chance to celebrate with people? Though a shower is about getting gifts, a lot of it in my mind also has to do with celebrating with people, which I think is just as important.
But, I’d say overall it’s only rude to ask if your contact with your mom or FMIL is otherwise minimal, and this would come across as something like, “I know I never talk to you but will you do me this favor anyway?” Otherwise I think you’re okay. 🙂
Post # 8
I’d mention it to your Mom and see what she says. She may offer to do it for you and it might get her talking to some family members and one may offer to host it. My daughters each had small bridal parties (just 2) so I felt uncomfortable having them pay for the showers, so I paid for most of the costs. Why should you miss out on a fun event if someone wants to host it for you, no matter who it is?
Post # 9
Ya thats a tough one.. but people are asking about it so everyone is probably assuming that plans are in the works. Maybe if you tell them that there arent plans for a shower yet or nobody is planning yet someone will offer to host or plan the event for you!!
Post # 10
I don’t think it would be rude to talk to your mom or FMIL about it. You could even tell your FI and maybe he could let his mom know. Just say exactly what you said to us: everyone has been asking about your shower and you aren’t sure what to tell them.
My mom offered to host my shower because none of my or FI’s female relatives live in the area besides her, and none of my BMs who live nearby have their own house.
Post # 11
Your mom should not give you a shower, and the FMIL is sorta ok if she offers first, but I don’t think you can really ask anyone to give you a shower and be polite. I would just answer honestly that there isn’t one planned, and I bet someone will give you one!
Post # 12
I tried the “well, there arent any in the works…” but no one has mentioned it. It would be fine, but FMILs family is pretty sensitive resently that we havent had an engagement party (I think they first thought we just didnt invite them even though I just didnt want one)
My mom is having a hard time right now, which is why I was thinking my FMIL. My FMIL and I are very close. She keeps telling me also about the friends of hers that have to come, but I know she is worried she has been taking over the wedding. I appreciate her help, but I am a very open to the point person, and she worries about stepping on toes.
At this point I really kind of just want a girl party. My FH and I have our family already and have gone through baby showers and have our house set up.
I have mentioned in previous posts, my family is laid back but respectful, FILs family VERY by the book. Its interesting that on here even it seen different on whats correct. Thank you everyone
Post # 13
I’d have a conversation with your mom about it. My mom planned to help host a shower in my hometown with one of my bridesmaids, and then she actually asked my FMIL if she was planning on hosting a shower in their town. She wanted to but might not have thought about it. By my mom planting the idea, she ran with it and hosted a beautiful shower. It’s not sneaky or rude (I don’t think) to have a conversation with a person you’re close to, and asking them to ask people on your behalf.
Post # 14
Yea, I would make them feel guilty by saying, “Oh I don’t even know if I’ll have a shower… I haven’t heard any plans yet. But if there are I’ll let you know!” Baha!
But seriously, I think it’s fine for your mom of FMIL to plan a shower for you. I don’t care what etiquette says, it’s your family being excited about your marriage! I wouldn’t be offended if a mom or FMIL hosted one of my friend’s parties. Oh well 🙂
Post # 15
i dont feel rude asking my mom anything. she’s my mom! I dont know if u have the same type of relationship with ur mom.. i guess if u did, you wouldnt be asking this question.
Post # 16
Just keep telling them, like a broken record if necessary, that there are no shower plans that you know of.
If the more traditional side of your family has a problem with you not having a shower, then they should step up and plan one for you. It’s rude of them to put that pressure on you when they ought to know full well the bride shouldn’t have anything to do with the plans for her own shower.