(Closed) Shower etiquette question

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

if people are asking you about shower info all the time, you can just tell them there aren’t anny planned- maybe someone will offer to host!

 

Post # 4
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think its rude as long as you aren’t dictating the kind of party you want. Maybe you can offer to help cover costs, if need be. I know that a lot of people are okay with not having a bridal shower, like you say you are. I would feel like I was missing out though, and I’m sure your mother or FMIL will feel like you deserve one 🙂

Post # 5
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with ms. meowerson Or you can bring it up to FMIL or Mom (same basic question like what should i do) Maybe they will know if someone wants to host one or deside to do it themself?

Post # 6
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

It would be rude for you to request anyone to host a party for you that the sole purpose is to give you gifts (which is what showers are). It is also inappropriate for your mom or FMIL to host a shower for you in the first place. So to ask them to do so is a double no in my book.

I think you are ok to tell people who ask about a shower that as far as you know there is no shower as no one has asked you about one. That leaves the door open to someone offering to host.

Post # 7
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think the “rudeness” factor depends on how close you are to your mom and FMIL.  I know that I’d feel comfortable asking my mom to help me figure out a shower if no one else was going to, though I know that’s because of the relationship I have with her and because of her level of participation so far in the wedding planning.

FMIL, I wouldn’t feel as comfortable asking for quite a few reasons, the biggest one being that I don’t feel close enough to ask her to do something so big–I still have some shyness around her.  (Plus there’s a lot of the practical things to consider as well).

I think ultimately, the best question to  ask yourself too is, how come you’d like a shower?  Is it to appease the traditional family members, or to have a chance to celebrate with people?  Though a shower is about getting gifts, a lot of it in my mind also has to do with celebrating with people, which I think is just as important.  

But, I’d say overall it’s only rude to ask if your contact with your mom or FMIL is otherwise minimal, and this would come across as something like, “I know I never talk to you but will you do me this favor anyway?”  Otherwise I think you’re okay.  🙂

Post # 8
Member
5755 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d mention it to your Mom and see what she says. She may offer to do it for you and it might get her talking to some family members and one may offer to host it. My daughters each had small bridal parties (just 2) so I felt uncomfortable having them pay for the showers, so I paid for most of the costs. Why should you miss out on a fun event if someone wants to host it for you, no matter who it is?

Post # 9
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Ya thats a tough one.. but people are asking about it so everyone is probably assuming that plans are in the works. Maybe if you tell them that there arent plans for a shower yet or nobody is planning yet someone will offer to host or plan the event for you!!

Post # 10
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think it would be rude to talk to your mom or FMIL about it.  You could even tell your FI and maybe he could let his mom know.  Just say exactly what you said to us: everyone has been asking about your shower and you aren’t sure what to tell them.

My mom offered to host my shower because none of my or FI’s female relatives live in the area besides her, and none of my BMs who live nearby have their own house.

Post # 11
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Your mom should not give you a shower, and the FMIL is sorta ok if she offers first, but I don’t think you can really ask anyone to give you a shower and be polite. I would just answer honestly that there isn’t one planned, and I bet someone will give you one! 

Post # 13
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’d have a conversation with your mom about it.  My mom planned to help host a shower in my hometown with one of my bridesmaids, and then she actually asked my FMIL if she was planning on hosting a shower in their town.  She wanted to but might not have thought about it.  By my mom planting the idea, she ran with it and hosted a beautiful shower.  It’s not sneaky or rude (I don’t think) to have a conversation with a person you’re close to, and asking them to ask people on your behalf.

Post # 14
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Yea, I would make them feel guilty by saying, “Oh I don’t even know if I’ll have a shower… I haven’t heard any plans yet. But if there are I’ll let you know!” Baha!

But seriously, I think it’s fine for your mom of FMIL to plan a shower for you. I don’t care what etiquette says, it’s your family being excited about your marriage! I wouldn’t be offended if a mom or FMIL hosted one of my friend’s parties. Oh well 🙂

Post # 15
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i dont feel rude asking my mom anything. she’s my mom! I dont know if u have the same type of relationship with ur mom.. i guess if u did, you wouldnt be asking this question. 

Post # 16
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Just keep telling them, like a broken record if necessary, that there are no shower plans that you know of.

If the more traditional side of your family has a problem with you not having a shower, then they should step up and plan one for you. It’s rude of them to put that pressure on you when they ought to know full well the bride shouldn’t have anything to do with the plans for her own shower.

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