Post # 1
I have a quick question for you ladies regarding the “who’s & what’s” of the bridal shower. Mind you, I am the bride, but would like to get some questions cleared up for my mom’s sake. My mom & sister (MOH) have been planning my shower for a while now. Although I do not know any of the details, I am aware that they had some very specific and special plans. These had all been based on a small shower with only my family and close friends & bridal party. My FIL’s now live out of state, as well as FSIL…however the rest of FI’s family lives in the area. My FMIL took it upon herself to assume that this shower would include all of her family & friends as well. This doubled the guest list, yet she never mentioned one word about sharing the cost. My mom & sister received the price quotes on their ideas and now have to forego some because of the expanded guest list. I have told my mom that she needs to talk to FMIL about the shower and ask her straight out about the funds (in past discussions FMIL has avoided any mention of cost). In my family’s past weddings there have always been separate showers for each side and to me if it is going to be a joint one, then both sides should contribute (my bridesmaids will be donating as well). Does this seem reasonable to you? If so, how do you tactfully approach someone about this subject?
Post # 3
I think this sounds very reasonable. I’d have your fiance talk to his mom. Just have him tell his mom that she needs to help share the cost of the shower for his side of the family. (or they won’t be included and she’ll have to host her own shower) 🙂 Maybe FMIL doesn’t know what your Mom had planned and realize the cost of it??!!??
Since his mom is thinking it’s a combined shower is she planning to come to town to attend??
Good luck 🙂
Really if your mom is hosting the shower – she should invite those that she (you) want. She should not feel bullied into including his family. Even if it seems the ‘nice’ thing to do once she realized his mom (or cousins or aunts or anyone on his side of the family) is not planning a shower for them.
Post # 4
Thanks Jillian, his mom is planning to attend. She’ll have to fly up for it and knowing the family, will consider this cost as part of the contribution. (Honestly it’s BS and I get tired of hearing them complain about airfare considering they were the ones who moved away not us). I have not been discussing this topic with my FI because I didn’t want him running off and bringing it up to his mom. I thought it would come across strange if he brought it up to her, not my mom. I will consider having him talk to her though. I just don’t want this to become an issue, but at the same time do not want my mom spending out a ton of extra money on people she doesn’t even know.
Post # 5
My FMIL and all of their family live out-of-state. I did not expect for them to attend my shower, and addressed it early on.
I talked to my FMIL ahead of time and told her that while I would love for her and the other to attend, I completely understood if she didn’t due to the travel costs.
I rationalized that they were all going to be spending money coming to the wedding, which was the real celebration anyway, and that the shower was just a small group of people.
If you turn it around so it seems like you are considering her feelings and her resources, it’ll be a lot more positive. But don’t be afraid to express that while you’d love all of your new family members to be included, you really want it to be a small group of people who are close to you now.
Again, emphasize that the wedding is where you celebrate your new life w/ your husband, which includes his family and that’s the appropriate time to have the extended fam join in.
Hope this helps. None of my FIL’s attended my shower, and I was very happy to spend it with my true group of girls.