(Closed) Shower for a JP Wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
5481 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

My opinion is that if someone is invited to a pre-wedding party (shower, bach, engagement party, etc…) they should be invited to the wedding as well.  Now, there’s no law saying you couldn’t host a celebration in honor of your marriage after the fact, and people may or may not bring gifts to that event.  If I were in your position, where you aren’t having a big wedding or aren’t inviting anyone to it, I’d do the post-nuptial celebration. 

Post # 4
Member
5425 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

@ssoutherngurll:  Im currently in the same predicament, except with a DW.  My MOH said to me, “while i agree that usually people are invited to both a shower and the wedding, i think your still entitled to have one as a bride. and this way here, you can see everyone”.

so go for it if its what you want. but i would keep it small.

Post # 5
Member
2660 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry, but anyone invited to a pre-wedding party needs to be invited to the wedding.  So if you’re not inviting people to the wedding then you shouldn’t be having a shower.  Basically, it says that the person is good enough to come and get you a gift but not good enough to see you get married (the most important part).  The whole point of a shower is to “shower” the bride with gifts so it just comes off as gift-grabby to have a shower with no hosted wedding.

Now, of course, there will be some people that will want to send you a little something as a congratulations and to help you start your new lives together and that’s perfectly fine.  I don’t think it would be bad to create a small, yet unadvertised, registry that you can direct people to should they ask.  But I would also be sure to make it clear that you are just having a small JOP wedding.

Also, some people may be ok with you having a shower (people like your moms, grandmothers, and best friends).  If they are all truely on board, then I don’t see anything wrong with it.  But I would definitly not have a large one and invite all family and friends that you aren’t super close with.

Post # 6
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think have a small shower for those invited to the wedding. It sounds like family members are intent on sending gifts anyways, have you thought about hosting a very laid back causal dinner or bbq and inviting them to celebrate your wedding, rather then hosting a shower. That way they get to see you guys, celebrate the wedding, and give gifts if the feel like.

Post # 7
Member
12569 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No invitiation to the wedding means no invitiation to a shower.  It’s rude to have one without inviting them to celebrate the actual wedding!

Post # 10
Member
2660 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ssoutherngurll:  If you just want to celebrate, then a post-wedding party would definitely be the way to go!  I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.  Just don’t call it a reception or shower, since both of those would pressure guests to get gifts even though that’s not your intent.

Post # 11
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with PPs that you shouldn’t have a shower.  But I think you SHOULD have a tea or a little party! Since your intention is to just get the families together, but not to receive gifts, there’s no reason you can’t have a celebration that’s not a shower.

Post # 13
Member
12569 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ssoutherngurll:  I meant “celebrate the marriage” as in, being present as your physical wedding.  I stand by my statement that not inviting them to the wedding ceremony (whether it’s a church ceremony of a civil ceremony with a JP), is incredibly rude. I would be really, really offended if that happened to me.

Post # 14
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think it would be best to throw a “Hey, we got married!” get together (at your house, a park, etc) – it doesn’t even need to be a “reception” just a fun party that you would have for a birthday or graduation or any other event. My parents eloped to the courthouse a million years ago (just kidding, only 31 years ago) – my grandma had a party at her house for them that was just like all other family get-to-gethers….the cake just happened to say “Congratulations Jill and Jerry!”. Just invite via word of mouth, have a BBQ or a potluck – people would probably bring gifts to that if they really want to gift you something.

Post # 15
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You sholdn’t host your own shower. If someone wants to host it, that’s fine. Otherwise, you can also have a ladies’ pre-wedding no gifts party if you’re concerned about those who won’t be invited to the wedding.

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