(Closed) shower gift?

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

I usually send a gift if I can’t go, but it’s not required. 

Post # 4
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Old school etiquette guides say yes, you are supposed to give a shower gift even if you’re not attending.

But…I had a ton of ladies not come to my shower that didn’t give gifts. 

I think with the state of the economy, it’s totally fine to not give a gift.

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I would think it depends on how well you know the person.  Someone asked a similar question recently.  If people had to give a gift for a shower regardless of whether or not they went, what would prevent people from asking "everyone and their cousin" to a shower, guessing they wouldn’t go (OOT, only acquaintence of bride, etc.) but knowing they’d feel obligated to send a gift?  (We know someone will abuse this.)

Anyway, if this is someone you feel close to, you’d probably want to send a gift anyway, right?  If this is someone you hardly see, I woulnd’t worry too much about.

For me, I am one of the younger girls in my family, so I just followed suit as to what other family members did.  (That might be a way to go too, if the bride is a family  member.)

Post # 6
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think it depends on your relationship with the bride. If you are pretty close, i think its appropriate to send a gift, even if you can’t make it. But if you don’t know her at all, and if you are just invited because you are a woman on the wedding list, or a friend of a family member of the bride and groom, then I don’t think its necessary.

Post # 8
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Nope.  If you guys arent that close, no need to send a gift in your absence.  Different story if it was your sister or something…

Post # 9
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it is up to you.  I usually send a gift even if I cannot attend the shower (even if it is something very small.) 

Post # 10
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I also send a gift if I can’t attend. Usually it costs less than what I would spend if I was able to attend though.

Post # 11
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

As a bride with a shower a couple of weeks away, I say you do not have to, but it is very nice! My aunt sent me a very nice shower gift because she can’t make the party and I was so grateful. Again, as others have stated, I think it depends on how close you are to the person and also how secure you are financially. This aunt is pretty well-off, so I thought she might send something, but my friends who are just begining their careers that aren’t coming, I will not expect anything from them.

Post # 12
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

PS this is a great thread!  Because I think a lot of people would look for this thread in in the "Gifts" board I am going to move it there.

Post # 13
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

If the shower is for a friend of your FI, I’d ask what his opinion is. Old school ettique says yes – modern economy says maybe.  If it was a shower for you and your FI, she was invited and couldn’t come, would you want her to send a gift?  Think about it from her perspective.  I’ve had a couple showers and the presents that came from people who couldn’t make it, regardless of how big or small, really made us feel like they wanted to be there to celebrate, and thus made us happy that we were in their thoughts. I think that feeling is worth a few dollars for some one else.

Post # 14
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I guess I’m wrong but I always thought etiquette said if you can’t make the shower you are not obligated to give a gift but if you can’t make the wedding, you should send one. But I have also heard a shower is the only place guests are actually supposed to give gifts, because the point of a "shower" is to "shower" the  bride-to-be with gifts. Personally, I usually give a small ($20-$40) shower gift when I can’t go, unless I really don’t know the bride. Once I meant to send a shower gift and time slipped away from me, so I bought the bride a compact from White House Black Market, wrote a nice note about wanting to get her another "something new", and slipped it into her mailbox a few days before the wedding. 

Post # 15
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I agree with MonaLisa – if you can’t attend the shower you don’t necessarily have to sent a gift and whether I sent a gift would depend on how close I was to the bride.

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