Post # 1
I recently was given a shower by my Future Mother-In-Law. It was lovely! I was caught off-guard when I opened her gift: sets of thank you notes with stamps. (A little rude, no? I am meticulous about writing thank you’s!) I was completely shocked however, when his mother asked for a copy of what each shower guest gave. My Fiance explained that his mother wants to know how much to spend on her friends’ children’s shower gifts since she’ll likely attend their weddings in the future.
Thoughts on this? Is this nothing to worry about? Thank you.
Post # 3
Yikes… as awful as it sounds, my family does the same thing!
My cousins were all graduating and my mom wanted to know what my aunts and uncles gave. I think it’s more so that she knew what was common to give, but still. My mom also has the wedding money list from my wedding.
Post # 4
As a side note, Darling Husband has a friend at work whose computer just crashed. The thing he was most sad about losing was the list of how much everyone gave at his wedding. I was shocked that guys think about these things too!
Post # 5
@goonies81: lol..just give her the list. It helps keep score a little. If someone gave you a $500 gift for your wedding it may be awkward to send a $15 gift for theirs.
Post # 6
The gift of thank you cards and stamps is a little odd, but she probably thought it was a useful gift you could use. So hopefully, it was with good intentions and no hidden meaning.
As for the list of who gave you what, I am not sure why you seem offended. She just wants to know how generous to gift in return to her friends who attended. Sounds perfectly logical and normal to me. You can just give her a list of her friends who attended rather than everyone at the shower if that is what made you uncomfortable.
@PinkMagnolia: We look at our wedding gift list when we’re attending someone’s wedding so we know how much to gift them in return. I would die if we lost that list. Thank you for reminding me that I should back it up some where! =)
Post # 7
Wow…does everyone really think that the thank you cards and stamps gift is odd? I think it’s such a great gift. I got it from my mom at my bridal shower and I gave it to both of my SILs as shower gifts. I got them a nice basket with a pretty pen and everything. I feel like it saves the bride money since the thank you cards and the stamps are darn expensive! I thought it was such a clever gift.
As for the list, I would just have her ask you when she needs to go to a shower or a wedding. I kept a spreadsheet of what everyone gave me for my showers and weddings for organizing my thank you notes, but it also helps me to know what to give back when I attend their wedding. My mom and my Mother-In-Law will occasionally ask what someone gave us for our wedding so that they can return the favor if they’re going to a wedding as well. But rather than giving a full list, I would make her come to you each time. Asking for the full list just seems as if she’s being nosey.
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I think the stationary is a lovely gift, and rather traditional too.
As for the list, I don’t see a problem with giving it to her. I mean, you opened the gifts in public, so it’s not like it’s some secret information or anything. My mom specifically asked how much money her friends gave us for the wedding for the exact same reason. She wants to make sure she returns the favor in kind when the time comes.
Post # 9
My sister’s inlaws asked for this for wedding gifts as well. I thought it was really bizarre and I don’t know if she ended up giving it to her Mother-In-Law, but I definitely have heard of this before…
Post # 10
This isn’t weird at all! My shower was this past weekend and the next day I immediately wrote up the list of gifts and sent it to my mom adn Future Mother-In-Law. They need it so they know what to give their friends, you don’t want to get someoen a $50 gift when they spent $150 on you! Or vice versa haha
As for teh stationary I bet she didn’t mean it to be rude- it’s such a pain to get stamps and they add up too- she probably thought she was doing you a convenience/money favor. Don’t worry about it
Post # 11
I think the stationary with stamps would be a great gift, but this is coming from a very practical girl. I woulda been like sweet now I don’t have to pay for the stationary and stamps..better than a tacky picture frame 😉 As far as the list of gifts goes, you could just give her the list of people she knows.
Post # 12
My fmil is very much about making sure things are fair and even and keeps lists of gifts, etc. It weirds me out a little because my family is not like that. I mean, my mom might make a mental note of it if someone is very generous, but it’s not so exacting. Actually, my family is typically the overly generous one. That said, I have come to realize that a lot of people are this way. It isn’t something I would do (to me, something seems very “tit for tat, very “score keeping” about wanting a list) but I can see wanting to make sure you are fair and match others gifts. It’s just different in different families.
As for the stationary, just let it go. It was probably meant to save you time, effort, money. It’s also a little odd (IMO), but I think she meant well.
Post # 13
I’d give it to her, but I’d cross out all info not pertaining to my friends and family.
Post # 14
That’s a little weird, but I kind of see the logic. I’d be more concerned about the gift of thank you cards – is that all she gave you? I’d be peeved about that.
Post # 15
Maybe I am the odd person out, but I would be offended at the notes and stamps.
Also, I would think it was no ones business who gave us what. Perhaps a recap in a verbal social instance, but a list … not my style.
Post # 16
Ya…my family does this too. It’s just to reciprocate the generosity when it comes time to go to their weddings.