(Closed) Shower Guest List… Who?

posted 10 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

i had similar issues as you so i chose not to have a shower.  instead, my gfs and i are going on a more extravagant bach trip.  my personal opinion on showers is that they are a burden.  the whole concept of "showering" the bride with gifts just makes me uncomfortable… everyone who goes to your shower is already going to your wedding and they are already getting you a gift so why make them gift twice.

Post # 4
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

i think your hesitations are justified, but easily resolved by just inviting everyone (minus your coworkers, who you said would have another event). just have them RSVP. if they want to come, great, if not, you’ll see them at the wedding. i’m having two showers bc of the geographic issues (one for family, one for friends). if you don’t want to have a shower though, it’s certainly not necessary (though it sounds like you have a good friend who would love to throw one for you!).

Post # 5
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I second rebecca.  Its easiest and hurts the least feelings if you invite everyone possible.  If they want to come theyll come, if they dont or cant they wont.  Its rather simple.  Picking and choosing (especially if guests communicate with one another) is very awkward.  I understand your situation is complicated but really, in the end, its the least complicated just to invite everyone.

Post # 6
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Agree with Rebecca & Penguin, don’t invite the office people, incite your closest girlfriends and ALL family members.  What I would suggest, though, is to call those out-of-state people and let them know that they are receiving an invitation because you wanted to be inclusive.   

Make it a positive by talking up how excited you are that they’ll be coming to the wedding, and that in itself is a treat.  But by no means do you expect them to take an extra trip out for the shower or even send a gift. 

That way, you are letting them off the hook and not causing them to feel guilty to try to make the trip, but you are not offending anyone by leaving them out.

Post # 7
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

Provide a list of everyone but the office people.  Label who people are and let your bms decide.  They are throwing this shindig and can dedcide how inclusive or not to be.  Let them know your concerns and perhaps provide a contact number for your FMIL.  FI’s family may be palnning something as well.  After providing the list stay out of it because as the bride you should know little to nothing about it.

Post # 8
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I had a similar issue – my shower was in another state.  I wanted my bridesmaids to be invited, but then not shell out money to go (unless they really wanted to!).  I just don’t see why they should travel to a party that is all about giving me gifts – so awkward. 

Anyways, I invited all my bridesmaids and then sent them an email letting them know that they I did not expect them to travel for it! That way they knew they were invited but didn’t have to stress about whether or not I expected them to attend!  They were not offended but also felt no obligation to go. 

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