Post # 1
I have yet another dilemna. One of my sweet bridesmaids asked me to gather an invite list for my shower. I figured I could just break down the wedding guest list but once I started look I am encountering all sorts of questions. Here are the circumstances and problems:
1. All my family lives 2 states east of us. My mom and sister have not be supportive or helpful in planning the wedding one bit- actually they have been verbally disapproving. There has been no offer or mention of a shower in that state.
My family will more than likely be insulted if they aren’t invited. On the same note, they more than likely won’t attend even if they are invited.
2. Traditionally our office throws a shower for it’s employees.
I think co-workers should be left off the list since there already is an event that involves them.
3. All my FI family lives close except a few members- an aunt 2 states west and Gma 2 states north.
I seems weird to me to ask my friends to invite so many members of FH’s family that they don’t know. Plus I hate to ask them to invite people who don’t live nearby.
4. I only have two bridesmaids and no MOH. And a pretty small group of close girlfriends.
I really don’t want to burden my BMs down with the costs and drama of inviting so many people who may or may not attend.
So is my circumstance really that normal? Or are my hesitations justified? How would you handle it?
Post # 3
i had similar issues as you so i chose not to have a shower. instead, my gfs and i are going on a more extravagant bach trip. my personal opinion on showers is that they are a burden. the whole concept of "showering" the bride with gifts just makes me uncomfortable… everyone who goes to your shower is already going to your wedding and they are already getting you a gift so why make them gift twice.
Post # 4
i think your hesitations are justified, but easily resolved by just inviting everyone (minus your coworkers, who you said would have another event). just have them RSVP. if they want to come, great, if not, you’ll see them at the wedding. i’m having two showers bc of the geographic issues (one for family, one for friends). if you don’t want to have a shower though, it’s certainly not necessary (though it sounds like you have a good friend who would love to throw one for you!).
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
I second rebecca. Its easiest and hurts the least feelings if you invite everyone possible. If they want to come theyll come, if they dont or cant they wont. Its rather simple. Picking and choosing (especially if guests communicate with one another) is very awkward. I understand your situation is complicated but really, in the end, its the least complicated just to invite everyone.
Post # 6
Agree with Rebecca & Penguin, don’t invite the office people, incite your closest girlfriends and ALL family members. What I would suggest, though, is to call those out-of-state people and let them know that they are receiving an invitation because you wanted to be inclusive.
Make it a positive by talking up how excited you are that they’ll be coming to the wedding, and that in itself is a treat. But by no means do you expect them to take an extra trip out for the shower or even send a gift.
That way, you are letting them off the hook and not causing them to feel guilty to try to make the trip, but you are not offending anyone by leaving them out.
Post # 7
Provide a list of everyone but the office people. Label who people are and let your bms decide. They are throwing this shindig and can dedcide how inclusive or not to be. Let them know your concerns and perhaps provide a contact number for your FMIL. FI’s family may be palnning something as well. After providing the list stay out of it because as the bride you should know little to nothing about it.
Post # 8
I had a similar issue – my shower was in another state. I wanted my bridesmaids to be invited, but then not shell out money to go (unless they really wanted to!). I just don’t see why they should travel to a party that is all about giving me gifts – so awkward.
Anyways, I invited all my bridesmaids and then sent them an email letting them know that they I did not expect them to travel for it! That way they knew they were invited but didn’t have to stress about whether or not I expected them to attend! They were not offended but also felt no obligation to go.