Post # 1
How big was your shower? How big do you plan it to be? Who hosted it? My MOH asked me for a guest list and I honestly figured my mom or someone else would take care of it. I have no idea how many people is too many. I know most of my/FI family is out of state and our parents will want us to send invitaitons to them any way so it would be artifically inflated. My aunt is not going to fly in from IL for my shower but I know she would be upset if she wans’t invited. Taking all of those into account I’m looking at 50 some people.
At the same time I don’t want to unfairly burden my bridal party. I also don’t know who would throw me a second shower since we didn’t invite work friends and my aunts and his aunts are all out of state. Any thoughts?
Post # 3
My grandma and mom hosted it. My MIL was supposed to co-host, but ended up not paying for half like she said. As far as the guest list, we invited all the females that we were inviting to our wedding, so we invited my female relatives and my hubby’s female relatives to the shower. It was a relief that I only had to be the center of attention at one party, not two.
Post # 4
From what I can tell, we will be having several showers (4- I think). Three are church-related (from the members/friends of the churches that fiance and I attended while growing up and my parent’s current church). One will be hosted by my bridesmaids.
We have a large guest list for the wedding (apparently my fiance’s family is a lot larger than I realized), but most of the showers will probably be smaller (25 or fewer). Like you sarksk624, I’m sure we will send invites to those family members/close friends that I know won’t be able to attend a shower, but would like to be thought of just the same. I will most likely invite my BMs, mother, grandmother, and FMIL to all/most of the showers and split the other guests up according to social circles (family, work, school, etc).
I think the shower I was involved in hosting for a friend last year ended up with almost 100 invites. She and her now-husband have very large families; luckily (for us BMs hosting), about a third of those invited could not attend and about half of those that did attend were only there for shorter increments of time (it was a drop in shower).
I’m not sure this was any help! Basically, I’m planning on several showers, and, like you, will probably invite those out of town family members/friends that I know cannot attend for the sake of including them. If you are totally unsure of how many to invite, I suggest trying to talk with your MOH and see if they have a size they are budgeting for. You can always go from there to determine the details. If you are planning on one shower, I think 50ish sounds reasonable (especially if you know some can’t attend). Good luck!
Post # 5
We’re dividing between family and friends, to make it easier. Also, my dad’s family is in another city, so my aunts there are throwing me one in that city, in addition to the two here. I have it a little easier, in that none of my BM’s will be having to thow showers, because so many people offered. Evidently my mom’s been helping with a lot of her friend’s daughter’s showers, so all the friends decided to reciprocate. We’re inviting basically any local non-family female who’s invited to the wedding to one, and any local family to the other. It’s gotten to be a lot in the non-family one, so we’re having it at the church (yay for parents working at the church).
It’s technically bad etiquette for your mom or FMIL to throw one, but no one really cares anymore, so could you talk to your mom about maybe doing one for some of the people? Like if you’re inviting a lot of family friends, and a lot of your friends, you might be able to find a way to split it up. Maybe she’d be like my mom and be able to get some of her friends to help? Good luck!
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2009 - Byodo-In Temple, Luau Reception
My MIL is hosting my shower and since it will be held in her house, she just asked for family to be present. So all the local women in my family and FI’s family were invited. We both have pretty small families. I kinda wish friends were invited too.
Post # 7
I think 50 is fine, especially if that is including people who will not be coming. The rule of thumb is no more than 40. But I think taking into account family sizes are vastly different, 50 is fine.
The reason why moms aren’t supposed to host is that they might have a tendency to to turn the shower into a big gift grab for their children. (And that might be somewhat inadvertently.) Showers should be somewhat intimate, including close family and friends, not just another occasion for all of your wedding guests to give you a second gift.
Coworkers often will have a shower at work. So you are right to not include them. You are thoughtful to consider your BP’s budget. You could always ask them how many people is their limit. But I think you’re fine. Good luck.
Post # 8
I think 50 is a good number to invite. You probably will have about 35 – 40 show, which isn’t too much. The only down side I see to having a larger shower is the time it will take you to open all of the presents. But, as long as you have help from you BP with opening cards and presents to keep the process moving at a good pace, it shouldn’t be too long and people won’t get bored.
And I agree that no one really cares anymore who hosts the shower. My BMs are hosting one for me and 2 of them are my sisters, which is a no-no according to all of the "experts." Most of the showers I’ve attended have been hosted by mothers or sisters.
Post # 9
I haven’t had any showers yet, and I’m not sure how to handle this either, so I look forward to seeing the rest of the responses!
Post # 10
My sister’s is about 60-65, so I would think mine will be around the same.
Post # 11
I am inviting just about everyone that will be invited to the wedding. Some exceptions are the FI’s friends "guests" that I really don’t know. I’m looking at 45 invited. My MOH and bridesmaids (2 are sisters) are throwing it for me.