Post # 1
- Wedding: April 2014 - Hotel Baronette Renaissance in Novi
So my bridal shower was this weekend… check!!
Everything went out without a problem… hooray! I am so so happy that we had a great time, and it was mostly drama free.
There was one thing that kind of bugged me, and talking to my work friends who attended, I guess this was something they noticed as well.
FI has an aunt that, for the longest time, rubbed me the wrong way because she continually forgot my name until well into our engagement. I get that some people forget names easily, but she made a point of announcing fairly loudly at family events that she just couldn’t remember my name, and then laughed about it as she would ask “So… what IS your name?!”. Sounds petty, but it kind of just made me feel singled out and uncomfortable. I’m fairly quiet and reserved, and bringing attention to me, especially screaming and joking that you don’t know my name for well over a year, makes me feel… just weird.
So she enters my shower yesterday, and announces loudly, waving her card in the air, that she “took the easy way out, and just gave me money” then laughed. I know it’s something so minor, but for some reason it just bothered me… I went to so many showers last year (including for her kids), and took the time to pick out a gift, wrap it nicely, and acknowledge each invidivual politely. I just felt like it kind of felt like her coming to my shower was an afterthought.
My friends who I spoke with today said that it is kind of bad etiquette to come to a shower and not bring a physical gift (which I didn’t know), and they said she was joking about “taking the easy way out” in the coat room.
I know it’s fairly insignificant, and I’m of course appreciative of everyone that just came out to celebrate with us, but I can’t help but feel like a little bit of an afterthought.
Ok… end of rant!
Post # 3
@kittymama426: I understand why you’re upset. You’re about to be a part of your FI’s family and you guys have been together for a while. She doesn’t seem to be making an effort to learn your actual name or to put a little bit of thought into a gift (like off of your registry!) Honestly, it would have been different if she said, “Kittymama, I wanted to give you this envelope of cash so that way you can choose something you’d like for your house.” Rant understood 🙂
Post # 4
Meh, I would just chalk it up to her being one of those sterotypical “crazy aunts”. You can just be like “well, everyone needs a crazy aunt in the family!” Just call her Crazy Aunt Mildred from now on or something… it sounds like she has issues.
Post # 5
Eh, technically you’re supposed to bring physical gifts to showers but there are so many bees on here that would prefer money, she probably assumed you would like money better. No biggie. Sound like a kind of annoying person. We all have them. Just roll your eyes (where she can’t see you!) and move on. I don’t think she’s being mean. Just how she is. Don’t let it bother you!
Post # 6
Yep, I have one just like her; histrionic – the attention has to be on her (or her kids).
P.S. I think you lucked out in getting cash. Can you imagine what she’d pick out on her own? Mine wouldn’t uses a registry, since she thinks everything she does is superior.
Post # 7
This behavior reflects on her. It has nothing to do with you.
Post # 8
@kittymama426: I would feel the same way as you if someone I’ve known for over a year would announce to everyone that they didn’t know my name! How rude!
But I don’t think it’s rude to bring money to a shower. Almost everyone does that around here. but it IS rude to say she’s taking the easy way out. Sounds like this women has no tact what so ever.
Post # 9
This is just how your FI’s aunt is. She’s brash and loud. It might be weird to not bring a physical gift to a shower, but a gift is a gift. Sure, she didn’t take time to pick it out and wrap it, but would a gift from her embody the same care and love as one from someone who can actually remember your name?
In the future, I’d just try to ignore her if she starts being obnoxious at family events.
ETA: My uncle, who has been married to my aunt for almost 24 years still doesn’t know my name. He gets it right from time to time, but also calls me by my sister’s name (hey, at least it’s the same immediate family). Some people are just terrible with names.
Post # 10
@kittymama426: In my culture cards w/ monetary gifts are just as common as “physical” gifts at showers, and they for sure are at weddings/engagment parties. Very few pple bring gifts to those other than cards w/ cash.
I wouldn’t get too worked up about this. She’s a little rough around the edges, but so what? It’s not like she said she hopes you guys divorce in a year or something horrific. I’ve joked about just giving money bc the registry had been well picked over…guess I should be more careful not to offend. Honestly though, this is not as big a deal at least on it’s face. Sometimes old timers like to poke fun at things like names just to make light of the situation (there’s a person or two in my FI’s family that does this). Just take it in stride.
Post # 11
It’s not bad etiquette not to bring a physical gift IMO. It IS bad etiquette to flaunt whatever it is you brought or are giving though. And I can see why her continued weird behavior is irritating and can be hurtful.
Post # 12
@kittymama426: Some people say something silly when they don’t know what to say but feel like they have to say something. She could have just been covering the awkardness she felt at not coming with a physical gift. I can totally imagine my husband (a) having no idea what to buy so getting cash, and (b) saying something equally silly when giving it. I’d give her the benefit of the doubt and put it down to social clumsiness.
Post # 13
@kittymama426: That is annoying and not the best taste, but you know she was probably embarassed because she mentioned it. If she thought cash was fine, why would she have said anything at all?
My guess is that she ran out of time, felt horrible, and figured a gift card was better than nothing.