Post # 1
So I’m having a shower in NYC that my bridesmaids are hosting for me. My college friends who live on the east coast are invited, as are FMIL, some of her female family, a few of her close friends and my mother and I. FI is inviting a few female friends to our wedding (from NY and NJ) that I have never met. I’d like to meet them before the wedding, but I don’t know if it is appropriate to invite them to the shower. I feel like it is tacky to meet them for the first time under the pretense that they have to get me a gift. I don’t have any free time that weekend to organize another event like a dinner either. What do you think?
Post # 3
why don’t you let him ask if they’d like to come and then extend them an invitation?
Post # 4
Ha! That is so funny, I was thinking about that just know because I was pondering it out loud to him and he was like “I know X keeps asking me if you are having any showers on the east coast.” You think that it is OK for him to be direct with them?
Post # 5
Hmm. We didn’t have this predicament, but if you’ve never met them and don’t want to deal with the awkwardness of meeting new people at your shower, I can see where you are coming from. My showers were limited to bridesmaids and family members basically b/c they were held in peoples’ homes. We didn’t extend invites to, say, my DH’s friends’ wives/girlfriends. BUT since one of them has been asking your FI if you’re having a shower, I’d say invite them b/c they are clearly interested in meeting you!
Post # 6
I agree crebre80 – I think it would be most polite to invite them and if they decline they decline, but if they accept, it would be a really nice opportunity to get to know them a little bit before the wedding. If they are your FI’s friends, then you want to make sure you are getting off on the right foot with them.
A side note: if I were in your FI’s friends’ shoes and if I was invited to your shower, my first thought WOULD NOT be that it was tacky or that you were only inviting me to get a present…I’d be thrilled that you would want to meet me and have me be a part of your special shower day. That’s just me, but ask yourself how you would feel in their shoes.
Post # 7
Well if he’s already having conversations, and they seem to be excited to go, then I think that’s fine. However, as a general rule, I just don’t like the idea of asking all kinds of people the bride doesn’t know. I’ve witnessed that before, and it seems uneasy to me. The shower is supposed to be for the bride (unless it’s specifically a couples/jack and jill shower.) Showers are suposed to be fairly intimate. And mostly for the friends and family of the bride. Obviously there are close relatives etc, from the groom’s side too.
* Just to add (because I read a couple of posts that posted while I was writing). I think it might depend on the situation, but I could feel like someone was fishing for gifts if I was invited to a shower for someone I didn’t (or barely) knew.
Post # 8
Sure, invite them! If they decline…fine, but remember, the shower is for gifts for the two of you, and if they are your FI friends, then they will want to contribute! They can meet people and be more comfortable at the wedding!
Post # 9
I don’t think it would be bad to make your first meeting the shower. If they don’t feel like attending/don’t want to give a gift, they’ll just politely decline. I’d see what your fiance said and if he’d like to invite them, then go ahead. I think it’s nice that you want to include them. I was actually kind of upset when I was not invited to the shower for one of my best guy friend’s fiancees. I was fully expecting to go and even had a present picked out for her, but never received an invitation.