Post # 1
I was just posting on another bee’s board regarding Save-The-Date Cards being mailed to B list guests and the question popped into my head:
“If someone is invited to your bridal shower does that automatically mean they get an invite to your wedding?”
There are alot of reasonings that I have to come to the conclusion that I will be planning my own bridal shower and bachelorette party (If I don’t plan the whole thing I will have a hand in a lot of the details and costs of both)
If someone else plans your showers for you, then it can’t be blamed on you if “surprise shower” guests don’t turn out to be wedding guests right?! It sounds rude to have them celebrate with you through all the pre wedding and not give them an invite to the actually event.
But if my Future Mother-In-Law has it her way she will invite all of her friends/neighbors/relatives to the bridal shower and that includes my Future Sister-In-Law whom (I cannot stand) as well as all of my coworkers. These women were at my baby shower I barely know them but they were so kind to give me gifts…but having a baby is different you mail out birth announcements and thank you cards and you’re done.
I wasn’t planning on inviting all my coworkers or Future Sister-In-Law or FMIL’s neighbors/relatives and all her friends to my wedding. Not to mention my MOHs “party holic” friends/roomates/coworkers she will invite to the bachelorette party)
Did this happen to anyone else? how did you deal with it?
Post # 3
I’ve always heard that if someone is invited to your shower, it means they need to be invited to the wedding. If someone else is throwing the shower for you, you should have a hand in picking the guests because of that reason.
Post # 4
Personally I would feel horrible having someone invited to my shower but not wedding. My mom has a ton of friends who have no intention of coming to my wedding but that want to give me presents (weird but I’ll take it!) so they will be invited to the shower. If theres nothing you can do about it than just try not to worry about it but if you can try to have your voice heard on the guest list.
As far as your Future Sister-In-Law how does your FH feel about you not wanting his sister at the wedding?
Post # 5
If you know that there are people who wouldn’t come to the wedding but would come to the shower, then I think that’s probably ok…but if you know that they would come to the wedding then I wouldn’t invite them to the shower if you don’t plan on inviting them to the wedding. If your in-laws are making a big deal out of having all of their people there though, I wouldn’t stress over it. Pick your battles so you don’t get stresseed.
Post # 6
Epiphany?! Does a bridal shower come before or after you send out wedding invites? Wouldn’t it make sense to get your guest list from your invitation list? The list could be distributed to Mother-In-Law and Maid/Matron of Honor (just incase they want to surprise you) Lets all hope they have the curtesy to stick to the list–and I’ve decided that if they invite people (who are not on the list) they will be responsible to explain the situation to those people and whether or not they choose to attend is up to them.
Thank you ladies
@MrsPinkPeony: He doesn’t like her either! lol so it really makes it an akward situation b/c Mother-In-Law will insist-and we aren’t the “formalities” kind of couple to just go through the motions, I don’t want to spend anytime with her let alone my wedding day! She won’t be invited regardless. She’s actually my Fiance SIL his bro wife
Post # 7
Your guest list to the wedding is supposed to match the shower.
That being said….mine didnt. My Future Mother-In-Law had hosted and she invited about 7 people that were not even on our C list.
The invites for the shower go well after the stds for the wedding. The shower should be fairly close to the wedding so you have a more solidified list.
Post # 8
Just give those “throwing” the showers your guest list. Tell them, point blank, that those are the people getting invites and others should not. If THEY mess up this, and commit a faux pas, then you’ve got to have a talk with them about how you explicitly told them how many people you were planning to have at your wedding.
Post # 9
@oneloveRicherPrice: “There are alot of reasonings that I have to come to the conclusion that I will be planning my own bridal shower and bachelorette party” Are you throwing your own shower?? Isn’t that kind of an etiquette faux pas?
Post # 10
@CaliforniaLove: I don’t know if I’ll be throwing my own shower– If I do obviously this won’t be an issue. I’m thinking about how my Future Mother-In-Law invited people I never met before to my baby shower, and if she were the one who decided to throw me a bridal shower (without my knowledge) I was wondering how to handle the univited wedding guests.
I guess a proper background of Future Mother-In-Law would be appropriate: She is the center of her family (husband and 2 sons). She is a lovely women with a beautiful heart, and I love her dearly… but she has control issues. My perspective is that she’s wishy washy. BUT what she really does is change/manipulate situations so the outcomes go the way she wants them to (and I’m the only one that notices she does that–FI and I have had many of mini battles over this–he’s slowly starting to come around)
Here’s an example of what she does for those that are interested: 2 years ago she decided that she was no longer cooking thanksgiving b/c she was tired of the way people would trickle in randomly all day instead of eating all at once. SO this past Thanksgiving I asked her IN OCT. (and followed up 2x after) if she were still holding true to that– she said yes.. so I made my own plans for my friends and sister to come over to my house (naturally I invited her too and she declined) Then the week before Thanksgiving she’s asking my FI what time we will make it over for dinner?? I told her my dinner plans were for 4pm and she said she was going to do hers for 6pm so we agreed to come over for dessert-easy right? WELL, After a series of mini battles with my Fiance, he ended up going over to her house with our kids, and I stayed at my house with my friends because her dinner was ready at 3:30pm and she was so upset that no one was there to eat it!!
It makes no sense to make plans with her at all because they never work out that way and I know if I give her a guest list she will still invite her friends and neighbors because that’s what she wants to do. And I feel that after they are already at the party she will find a way to see that they make it to the wedding because I am breaking an etiquette code for having them at one and not the other… Sheesh
Post # 11
@oneloveRicherPrice:If they are close enough to spend their money and buy you a gift then they are close enough to attend the wedding. If you accept gifts you should invite them. If you choose not to it will appear you are begging for gifts and the friendships are one sided. You should express this to your Mother-In-Law.