Shower Help…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@AndysCraftsNmore:  I made my guest list and gave it to my MOH. I left off anyone who I don’t really know or doesn’t really know my FI that well. My work friend’s wife? Left her off for sure. She wouldn’t feel comfortable there at all.

I would definitely extend an invite to the best man’s wife, since he’s part of the wedding. If she doesn’t want to go then she can decline.

Post # 5
42166 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@AndysCraftsNmore:  Showers can be a surprise or not, depending on the host. Hopefully they are considerate enough of the bride that they don’t catch her totally unprepared and grubby.

Sometimes the hosts will use the ruse of going out for lunch, drinks etc so the bride is dressed up, if they want the shower itself to be a surprise.

Post # 6
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@AndysCraftsNmore:  I know exactly what time, where, who’s going to be there, and what’s going to be served. It’s coming up on the 23rd and I’m so excited to see everyone! The only thing I DON’T know is what the activities will be or what the decorations will look like.

For my MOH’s shower back in August it was the same thing for her. She knew who, when, where, food, but didn’t know the decorations or the activities. It worked out perfectly and should hopefully go just as well for mine, too.

ETA because I forgot to answer this: Surprise showers can happen, just like surprise birthday parties can. If you’d rather be clued in on the date then just tell her that.

Post # 7
3009 posts
Sugar bee

@AndysCraftsNmore:  I would not invite random women that you don’t know. invite family and friends. you can make the guest list and i think it’s normal to know the date.

Post # 8
2800 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Providing a suggested guest list is part of the bride’s duties in a shower, at least, according to the people around here.  It’s even a line item on the Knot’s check list. That isn’t helping plan the shower, and your FMIL, mother and MOH totally should have control of paring down that list, (AKA, don’t tell anyone they are invited to your shower, not your job) 

You are also allowed to purpose a date (you have a lot of stuff going on with your wedding, you aren’t always going to be free) and the host can consult you for ideas (I hate the toilet paper bridal dress game, and asked a lot for that not to be included)  If they want it to be a surprise, they can, but I have never actually seen this.  Where I see a ton of MOH/bridesmaid confusion on bridal showers (and the bride ending up upset) is when the bride offers no idea of what she wants.  This is not planning IMO, as it is done with no expectation of getting what you want. 

For my wedding list, I went though and added a column to my address list of “Shower invite,” and marked yes to everyone I thought should be invited.  This did not include the girlfriends of any guy friends, the girlfriends or any co-workers or wives of.  Showers are supose to be more intimate than that and should not be every female invited to the wedding. 

Post # 9
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@LiliKitty:  My shower will be the same. My sister (MOH) wanted to do everything and have it be a surprise but I wasn’t really feeling that. So we came up with a food list together and I will give her a guest list. So the decor/activites will be a surprise to me as well! 

Post # 10
5162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

It’s standard for hte bride to make the guest list for the shower.  I invited all the women that I knew well.  I also only invited a few best friends because all the girlfriends would be at my bachelorette party and I didn’t want to take up their time with too many seperate events.  

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