Shower Mess

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

If I were you I would just apologize to mom for making the asumption that she wouldn’t make it(sigh, roll your eyes and move on). Then explain that it is meant to be a surprise because your BM wants it that way and she’s the host.

Give mom BM contact info and she can find out the date without telling you. Make sure you warn BM that mom is calling.

Post # 3
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

happybirthday24:  what is your MIL’s reason for the date inflexibility?

 

I disagree with the PP. Don’t get your poor BM involved in this mess. I don’t understand what good can come from making the BM the messenger between your mother and your MIL, besides simply stressing her out for drama she has no part in.

Post # 5
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

happybirthday24:  it was probably a petty reaction on her part, then. Send her the dates your mother is available to come, and reiterate that all you want is for the people you love to all gather together for your shower. Be gracious, thank her, but remain firm that the date must work for your family as well.

If anything, your MIL should be overjoyed that you can share this time with her and with your mother. Living far away from family is tough.

Post # 7
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club

Your MIL already starting telling out of town guests about the date? Did the invitations go out? If not, she probably jumped the gun in telling everyone so that’s her problem. 

if the date has to be changed and she had to telL everyone, what’s the big deal? What’s more important, having your mom there or making a few phone calls? 

im confused about whether or not the dates your mom is available are not available for your MIL. I would find out if there was a date that works for both of them and offer to have your bridesmaid make the phone calls to notify everyone of the date change, to help alleviate the “inconvenience” from MIL. 

Post # 8
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

happybirthday24: 

Ok MIL needs to wake up and realize while a surprise shower would be ideal, it’s just not going to be practical or even possible!  I do not see any reason why MILs schedule and mom’s schdule should not be considered, especally if your mom wants to fly out.

Try to speak to her directly.  Say it’s very important that BOTH mothers be there.  It’s not that hard to work around, but try to eliminate her expectation that it should be a surprise though.  She’s probably too hung up on that concept.

You did not do any wrong by assuming your mom would not fly out again a month prior.  I mean most people wouldn’t do that not even family.  My mom would NOT I know that.  So that’s not really that bad for you to assume.  Don’t beat yourself up about that.

Post # 10
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I don’t understand… who is the surprise for? You? If so, seems that was never really in play so what is she actually upset about? A surprise shower for her son? 

Post # 11
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

happybirthday24:  I don’t think she’s upset that the shower won’t be a surprise anymore, I think she’s upset that her original plans had to change because your mom came into the picture. I think she feels like she’s doing you guys a favor by hosting the shower and didn’t appreciate the request for changing the date to accommodate your mom.

Post # 12
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee

It’s really sad that your MIL is obsessing about your shower being a surprise. Is it just one way that she can “control” the situation – is she like this in other things?

We don’t have surprise showers in my circles, in fact, my daughters were both involved in the selection of their venue and menu. Last year a friend had a surprise shower – the surprise lasted all of one minute and the bride had hundreds of photos in a t-shirt, shorts, and no make-up.

Post # 13
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Yeah, I think your MIL is being a bit snarky without good reason. Sometimes MOG and MOB have tension even if they never talk because MOG may want to be involved more in the wedding and all of the events, but she knows that usually that type of role is left for the bride/groom and maybe the MOB. So she probably decided that this shower is “her thing” that is fully her own and forgot that it’s about you two getting married. Odd that she’d be inviting her own out of town relatives but never pushed you to realize your mom might want to come . . . She probably secretly preferred to be the only “mother of the ___” there. Ignore her snark and maybe push back a tiny bit so she stops thinking it’s okay to almost badmouth your mom to you. 

My own shower nearly had to have a date change after everyone was informed of the date and before invites went out (due to our move-in date) and nobody planning gave me a hard time or even thought to say anything negative. They were so nice. 

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