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eek, this is going to be a long, drawn out drama thread, i'm sure (it's asking for money and inviting kids to wedding that really get the fires going!). That said, you know the audience best, and if the gift cards are what you want, spread it by work of mouth. I would also register so that you have a way for people to give you gifts that are uncomfortable with cash or gift cards.
Asking for money is always rude. Gift cards are considered the same as cash. Many people do not give cash gifts for any reason so don't expect them.
I think the way I would have prevented this problem would have been to have a smaller shower, or to skip the shower if you are having such a large wedding, or to tell people that gifts are not necessary. That many people sounds like a whole extra wedding and a whole extra wedding worth of gifts. I think that by inviting this many people, plus asking them to bring you money...it's going to seem like you just had a shower in order to get a lot of money. I always thought the point of a shower was to get your close girlfriends and close female relatives together to chat about the wedding, catch up with you, play a few games and open some presents...Maybe if you are having such a large wedding, you don't need gifts at your shower?
I agree with SapphireBride. Showers are for gifts, not money or giftcards. If you don't want gifts, don't have a shower. For the wedding, you can try to spread the word by letting your family and wedding party know.
Wow, who is going to this shower? I guess I'm just confused b/c showers are generally just for close family and friends. That being said, I'd go ahead and just register. Showers are for gifts - not money.
It's not ok to ask for ANY gift.
However, it IS ok for those throwing you the shower to answer "gift card" IF ASKED.
@menobride: I still don't really think that fits in the idea/theme behind a shower. I would never give a gift card for a shower.
I agree with sapphirebride and guitargirl. Showers are for gifts. I've never seen someon give a gift card at a shower and could you imagine opening them at the shower "Thank you for the $50 for Pottery Barn!" (awkward).
I would add the items that you need on your registry so the people who like to give gifts have an option of something to give. Otherwise, spread your desires word of mouth.
My friend got married a few months ago, and they live in Hawaii (shower was in Wisconsin). Like many couples today, they already live together, and didn't want/need a lot of gifts. However, they did need a new bed. She asked that we somehow include in the invite this information. So what we did (as bridesmaids throwing the shower) was to insert a little paper into the envelope that said, "In leiu of traditional gifts, we ask that you contribute toward the purchase of a new bed for Emily and Nick."
Proper? no. Did it do what she wanted? Yes. She got money for a new bed and we filled the time during the shower will a full dinner, and three games. It went off without a hitch.
We're planning to move sometime next year into a new house, but for the time being, we're using the second bedroom for storage. My family would rather pick a gift out versus give cash. I also like selecting from registries, so that's why registered.
Yeah, I have to agree with what PP have been saying: there's no tactful, polite way to ask for money or gift cards for a shower. You can spread the word via word of mouth, but I gotta tell you:
If I heard that the bride was asking for money, I would think twice about honoring her wishes AND I'd think twice about attending the shower in general. It really rubs me the wrong way and I'd think to myself, "I thought she wanted me to come because she LIKES me, not because I'm a cash-cow..."
I sympathize with the 1000 ft. apartment. Is there anyone (or a few anyones)--like your parents, your future in-laws, the MOH, that you can politely ask if they wouldnt' mind storing a few of your gifts in their basement for a few months?
If you do not want presents, do not have a huge shower party! Don't have one at all! Then you don't have to worry about storing presents that someone spent a ton of money on.
I know one person who actually THREW OUT (in the garbage.. gah!) presents after a shower b/c she didn't have room to store them. If this is going to be you, then yes spread the word that you want gift cards if you really, really, "need" to have a shower. However, I strongly recommend not having a shower if you won't be thankful for the presents that you could receive.
Actually, I would like to know, why are you having a huge shower party? Is it b/c you have a huge close family who you want to see? Or b/c you want lots of presents?
I think the more important thing to consider here is that you are planning a shower so large and so far away from where you live that you actually cannot accomodate the outcome of it. If the hosts of your shower want to take it upon themselves to tell people who ask that gift cards would be more useful to you then that's up to them.
Showers are for gifts, not money. If you don't want gifts, don't have a shower. Simple, right? :)
Okay so I guess people really like to make huge jumps here! The large shower is because I have a large family...not because I am inviting every Tom, Dick, and Harry on the block. It is also NOT NOT NOT that I won't be thankful for gifts or am having a shower just for gifts. WOW! That said all I having my shower at HOME, it just so happens that I live 2 and a half hour from HOME. I am having the shower to get my family and friends together whom I don't have the luxury of seeing all that often.
Hmm...Some of you ladies are saying that you have never seen anyone give a gift card at a shower, which is really surprising to me. I went to a shower a month ago, and although the bride and groom registered at two different stores, the majority of what they received were gift cards to the stores they registered at.
@maemejo: I say, go out and register for the items you know you want/need. Return them if you must, but renting a Uhaul isn't such a hassle. Think of it this way: You'll be making one trip to your new home with a Uhaul as opposed to two trips to the store (one to return the gift, one to buy it)! :)
Everyone needs something in their household for everyday use, whatever that may be. Go out and register for those things. However, the bride has no say in whether she gets a shower if someone else is hosting it. She should graciously accept the offer, politely thank the guests appropriately, and keep her opinions to herself. If she really doesn't want anything to do with a shower and cannot be polite about it, then that is something else entirely and that is the rare exception when a shower should be declined. Guests are never required to give anything and it's rude to register for something that you know you will be returning because you don't want it. That is the guests' gas or lunch money (or any other expense they may need to sacrifice) for the week spent on a couple who has no consideration for others.
i live in another state from where my shower was. i wasn't about to pay the extra baggage fees for that! My mom, FMIL, FSIL, and I loaded up the car and returned everything the night of the shower. I will re-buy most of it eventually with the giant gift card I now have.
I think it's okay if you ask your MOH, Mom and any other hostesses of the shower to spread the word that you're hoping to furnish your home with some bigger items from IKEA and would appreciate gift cards, but I think you could also do at least a small registry, in case some people would prefer to buy something tangible.
We live in a tiny little studio (less than 500 sq ft) and had our shower five states away, so I understand your pain! Our gifts are all in a big pile in my mom's basement, covered by an old sheet, until my parents come visit us a few months after the wedding. I think I brought home two things, although there have been several that I've wished I had since then! I couldn't justify buying another suitcase just so I could check it in full of pans and spoons, haha...
We had a lot we wanted to register for though, because I moved into his kitchen house and we have bare basics, but there's a lot we can suppliment. :)
@maemejo: Sorry if you feel like you got thrown to the wolves on this. Money is obviously a touchy subject. You have a valid, logical thought process as to why gifts cards are appropriate. I agree that keeping it to one place will make it very easy to remember when your guests ask. When you write your thank you cards, let your guest know how their gift will be used (dishware, glasses, furniture, etc.). Include a picture if you can, and it will make the gift seem tangible.
Good luck with your shower planning.
I think a shower can be whatever you want it to be (or the hostesses want it to be). You can certainly register for just gift cards if that's your desire, and if people check the registry and see that's what you've registered for, why wouldn't they buy them for you? You'll still be opening something, but there's no need to mentioned any dollar amounts that might make someone uncomfortable.
If people can register for a Honeymoon, or use something called a Honeyfund, why can't you register for gift cards to the stores you'll be using? My daughters registered at Macy's, Target, and BB&B and there are spots on those registries for gift cards. They are probably more popular than you think.
Have you thought about having a Jack and Jill instead of a shower. My understanding of those is that they are more for raising money for the couple than giving gifts.
I would say to go ahead and registar for some things that will go with everything (like white towels). I would say that there will be quite a few gift cards anyway, as that seems to be a continuing trend. You could ask your maids to say when asked where you are registered "she is registered at target, but if you want to get her something she will love, I would suggest a gift card. That girl loves nothing more than shopping." My whole family buys me gift cards rather than gifts at holidays, the gift of shopping is the best gift in the world to me. I can spend hours in stores, I find it relaxing.
Maybe you should discuss with the host that you don't need any gifts. Either cut the guest list or call it a something else like a women's luncheon. That way people won't feel pressured to bring a gift. No matter how many times you say you don't want anything or want cash or gift cards people will still bring items! You could mention that you'd like bottles of wine or "marrige advice" as a little something. over 100 people seems like a lot for a shower that you don't want anything for. I'd re-evauluate!
Can you have someone else store gifts you cant keep until you get your house? Host, MOH, parent, aunt etc? I'm sure someone would step up! Maybe have the host ask people instead of gifts they should make 1 page of a scrapbook with photos of themselves and you. What about each bringing a recipee or a dish - potluck shower lunchon?
I don't see how 120 people can really have quality time together. If you really want to have everyone get together, I would have a "bridal luncheon," and spread the word that because of storage/transportation issues, no gifts. I bet that of the 100+ people coming, many will bring a giftcard or money, and it's done in a polite way.
Yeah, I agree with some of the other bees... Showers are for gifts. Register at the places you would want to furnish your house with. I actually did receive some gift cards at the shower, but to the stores I was registered at. I would just put the cash you receive at your reception toward the IKEA stuff.
I think monetary showers are becoming more and more popular these days... I wouldn't worry about it this much. I went to a shower recently where it said this on the invite:
Monetary shower
so and so will be joining so and so in California after the wedding
So it made sense that she wouldn't be able to lug around 150+ gifts, and it was a large shower also.
I think people will understand given your circumstances, and you're asking for gift cards, not money, so I don't see the big deal myself.
Showers are definitely for gifts. i have a big family too... so I get the big party. Just a couple thoughts... do you think that you could have a couple friends store gifts for you until after the wedding/the new house? (A friend of mine had her mom store hers under a couple beds. I don't think that there would be anything wrong with having your friends and family know that your little place is full of wedding items, and you need some help storing stuff. The other thing that you could do is check out registering for some larger items that your family could go in together to purchase... like maybe a washer, dryer... kitchen aid mixer... Your hosts could ask the guests to give a card and creative "paper presentation of the gift" which will be delivered post-wedding by the store you register from... you could let them know that delivery needs to be delayed until later! The hostesses could explain to the guests when they make an rsvp call.
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I know that people are touchy about showers and asking for money, but I feel like this might be okay. My FI and I live 2 and half hour from home where our shower is going to be. Currently we live in 1000 square foot apartment, but are planning to move into a house early this summer. My shower is planned for early March because my moh has to go to Georgia for school for a few months.
We are expecting about 120 people at our shower (big wedding I know). Is it in bad taste to ask for gift cards to furnish our new house? If we get 120 individual gifts, we are going to have to rent a u-haul and storage facility to hold them until we move into a house.
With that said, how would I ask for Ikea gift cards instead of tons of different gifts?