(Closed) Shower Question- About asking for money

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is asking for gift cards a no no?
    Sure ask for gift cards, it makes it easier for everyone! : (10 votes)
    18 %
    Just register like normal people, rent a uhaul and storage, and be thankful you have some gifts : (26 votes)
    47 %
    Register and return like a mad woman : (14 votes)
    25 %
    other explained below! : (5 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    eek, this is going to be a long, drawn out drama thread, i’m sure (it’s asking for money and inviting kids to wedding that really get the fires going!). That said, you know the audience best, and if the gift cards are what you want, spread it by work of mouth. I would also register so that you have a way for people to give you gifts that are uncomfortable with cash or gift cards.

    Post # 4
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    Asking for money is always rude. Gift cards are considered the same as cash. Many people do not give cash gifts for any reason so don’t expect them.

    Post # 5
    1046 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I think the way I would have prevented this problem would have been to have a smaller shower, or to skip the shower if you are having such a large wedding, or to tell people that gifts are not necessary. That many people sounds like a whole extra wedding and a whole extra wedding worth of gifts. I think that by inviting this many people, plus asking them to bring you money…it’s going to seem like you just had a shower in order to get a lot of money. I always thought the point of a shower was to get your close girlfriends and close female relatives together to chat about the wedding, catch up with you, play a few games and open some presents…Maybe if you are having such a large wedding, you don’t need gifts at your shower?

    Post # 6
    1775 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I agree with SapphireBride.  Showers are for gifts, not money or giftcards.  If you don’t want gifts, don’t have a shower.  For the wedding, you can try to spread the word by letting your family and wedding party know.

    Post # 7
    769 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    Wow, who is going to this shower?  I guess I’m just confused b/c showers are generally just for close family and friends.  That being said, I’d go ahead and just register.  Showers are for gifts – not money.

    Post # 8
    1641 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    It’s not ok to ask for ANY gift.

    However, it IS ok for those throwing you the shower to answer “gift card” IF ASKED.


    Post # 9
    1046 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @menobride: I still don’t really think that fits in the idea/theme behind a shower. I would never give a gift card for a shower.

    Post # 10
    18645 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I agree with sapphirebride and guitargirl.  Showers are for gifts.  I’ve never seen someon give a gift card at a shower and could you imagine opening them at the shower “Thank you for the $50 for Pottery Barn!” (awkward).

    Post # 11
    1194 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would add the items that you need on your registry so the people who like to give gifts have an option of something to give.  Otherwise, spread your desires word of mouth.

    Post # 12
    131 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    My friend got married a few months ago, and they live in Hawaii (shower was in Wisconsin). Like many couples today, they already live together, and didn’t want/need a lot of gifts. However, they did need a new bed. She asked that we somehow include in the invite this information. So what we did (as bridesmaids throwing the shower) was to insert a little paper into the envelope that said, “In leiu of traditional gifts, we ask that you contribute toward the purchase of a new bed for Emily and Nick.”

    Proper? no. Did it do what she wanted? Yes. She got money for a new bed and we filled the time during the shower will a full dinner, and three games. It went off without a hitch.

    Post # 13
    510 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    We’re planning to move sometime next year into a new house, but for the time being, we’re using the second bedroom for storage. My family would rather pick a gift out versus give cash. I also like selecting from registries, so that’s why registered.

    Post # 14
    1872 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Yeah, I have to agree with what PP have been saying: there’s no tactful, polite way to ask for money or gift cards for a shower. You can spread the word via word of mouth, but I gotta tell you:

    If I heard that the bride was asking for money, I would think twice about honoring her wishes AND I’d think twice about attending the shower in general. It really rubs me the wrong way and I’d think to myself, “I thought she wanted me to come because she LIKES me, not because I’m a cash-cow…”

    I sympathize with the 1000 ft. apartment. Is there anyone (or a few anyones)–like your parents, your future in-laws, the Maid/Matron of Honor, that you can politely ask if they wouldnt’ mind storing a few of your gifts in their basement for a few months?

    Post # 15
    566 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    If you do not want presents, do not have a huge shower party!  Don’t have one at all!  Then you don’t have to worry about storing presents that someone spent a ton of money on.

    I know one person who actually THREW OUT (in the garbage.. gah!) presents after a shower b/c she didn’t have room to store them.  If this is going to be you, then yes spread the word that you want gift cards if you really, really, “need” to have a shower.  However, I strongly recommend not having a shower if you won’t be thankful for the presents that you could receive.

    Actually, I would like to know, why are you having a huge shower party?  Is it b/c you have a huge close family who you want to see? Or b/c you want lots of presents?

    Post # 16
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I think the more important thing to consider here is that you are planning a shower so large and so far away from where you live that you actually cannot accomodate the outcome of it. If the hosts of your shower want to take it upon themselves to tell people who ask that gift cards would be more useful to you then that’s up to them.

    The topic ‘Shower Question- About asking for money’ is closed to new replies.

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