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If you are nervous about them being offeneded, I think I would let them know. I don't know how, but I think it would be a good idea. (sorry, I'm not much help here!)
BTW, I think that is SO awesome that your family is fun and cool and likes to have a good time. I bet it will be a blast!
Do you really need a stripper? Also, that sounds more like bach party stuff. If your family is so cool, could you just ask your mom and aunts to go out then?
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Well yes, definitely let them know, but in a gentle way :) I wouldn't mind it, but even so, I would like to know what's coming! That's a really extreme element to a shower! Have fun!
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Maybe you could have the shower a little earlier in the day, and have it go until a set time, and just have the aunts and cousins who would enjoy a stripper hang around until the FI's family is gone, or have the people who want the stripper party come back around x time.
I know honesty is the best policy and all, but my FMIL would strongly disapprove of a stripper even if she wasn't present for it. She was aghast at the lingerie my mother gave me at my shower. This is one of those cases when I think it's ok to pull the wool over their eyes a little. I mean, what your FMIL doesn't know won't hurt her, right?
I would be offended. And explaining beforehand would not make me less so. I may hold my tongue and not visibly "ruin" your shower, but...I would definitely not enjoy myself. If you're fine with alienating your in-laws right off the bat, then sure, go for it; but it most likely would NOT make a good impression.
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Do you think it would lessen the blow if you called it a combination Shower/Bachelorette party? It seems like a smart/economical thing to do so that your friends don't have to make multiple trips out for shower/bach, so I would consider you a kind bride for having both events on the same day. Perhaps if you think they would be offended, do you think you could draw a clear line between the "Shower" portion and the "bachelorette" portion of the day? Like, maybe have the typical shower-y shower in the early afternoon, regroup, nap, shower, get ready, and then have round 2--- the bachelorette part? That way there is a distinction between the two parts of the day, and people who are uncomfortable can elect not to go to the later portion of the day.
We don't "need" a stripper. Was it a fun time before .. absolutely! my family is fun all around so if the stripper wasn't there then we would still have fun anyway. I could call it a combo shower/ bach party and have shower at from x-y time and bach party to follow right after. It absolutely would make it easier for the BM that would be traveling in for the occasion especially since one has twins and it is hard for her to travel and the other has 2 kids and lives in Texas! GREAT IDEA!!
I have to say the funny thing about my FMIL is that since FI and I have been together and FMIL and FFIL been invited to a few of my family functions.. they seem to enjoy the "large party". She could surprise me and be all for it and I could see a side of her that I have never seen before. I only assume she would be offended b/c this is not normally something she or his aunt would do. My FMIL was offended one yr when FI and I ended up going to my mom's house for New Years as my mom threw together a last minute gathering with fam (my family is big) and they weren't invited, mind you it was only my family.
I have plenty of time to think about this.. thanks for the suggestions.
I LOVE the combo idea. That way it is more explicit to debauchery than just saying "a stripper is coming to the shower." I would still hint at giving them an out if they want to leave early...
Yikes. I would definitely warn your future in laws- and any other guests that are coming (unless you split it up entirely).
If I was at a bridal shower and all of a sudden a stripper showed up, I would be really upset/uncomfortable. I would definitely leave immediately.
If I knew in advance, I'd decline the invitation and send my gift in the mail.
Some of the women at your shower may be uncomfortable with a stripper. Think of all the conflicts that show up on the boards with other brides being upset at their FIs for bachelor party antics involving strippers. You don't want to cause strife in the relationships of your guests if their husbands object to strippers.
I really love the idea of a joint shower/bachelorette party!
I think the combo shower/bach party would be the perfect solution!
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OK So I have a ways to go before my shower but here is the scenario:
My cousin had a bridal shower about 8 yrs ago. It started off as the traditional shower, gifts, games, food, fun. A little later in the evening they brought in a stripper. It was great! All my aunts, cousins, her friends, etc had a great time.
So now it's my turn. My mom and a cousin are considering doing the same thing for me.. start off with all the traditional stuff and then bring in a stripper later in the evening. I don't mind at all. I know I'd have a good time, my aunts (who are all fun and not shy) will have a good time and am sure my girlfriends will have fun. The problem is my FMIL and my FI aunt and cousin. They will probably be the only ladies from his side of the family (his family is small) and I think they might be offended by the stripper. The are not as fun as my family, easily offended, may not like the idea that I get a stripper before i am getting married. FI doesn't care by the way. Should my mom "warn" them after she sends invites for the shower that later in the evenign there will be a tripper so they have the option to leave before then? Should she put it int he invite? Should I tell her?
I guess my family is so different from them. They aren't easily offended by anything and they know it's just all in good fun, a lil shake shake, stuff a few dollar bills and just plain eye candy and that's it. I know my aunts and fam would enjoy..
Any suggestions/advice?