(Closed) Shower Thank You Etiquette Advice

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Usually, you give your shower hostess(es) a small gift as a thank you.  If your mom wants to help with the cost of the shower, can’t she just call your Future Mother-In-Law and offer to pich in?  Giving her a card with cash at the shower might be a little weird.

Post # 4
5758 posts
Bee Keeper

I think an offer of cash to help offset the cost is never rude or strange, especially coming from your mom. Your Future Mother-In-Law will probably appreciate the gesture, no matter how its presented. I’d just take her aside somewhere after it’s over and hand her the card….I’m sure she’ll be happy about it and your Mom will feel better contributing.

Post # 5
1696 posts
Bumble bee

Actually, I can imagine what my VERY traditional mother would have had to say about someone who tried to “pay her off” for an offer of hospitality, and it wouldn’t be pretty. The problem you have to figure out is, whether your Future Mother-In-Law is traditional in that particular way. When I was a girl it was quite commonly understood that offers of cash were vulgar and patronizing (unless of course the offer came from someone entitled to patronize you, like your employer or your rich uncle). And, frankly, in very traditional circles the bride’s mother is NOT supposed to have anything to do with soliciting gifts for her daughter, which is what a “shower” is.

The card is quite appropriate provided it doesn’t suggest that your Future Mother-In-Law is actually a second-best option for a shower hostess. If your mother wants to “help out” on top of that she should reciprocate in kind, by offering hospitality to your inlaws when she is in town for the wedding. She could extend her stay for an extra day and take them to an elegant dinner the day after the wedding, for example.

Post # 6
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think a thank you card with a gift or a gift card to some place your Future Mother-In-Law loves would be nicer than cash – or I agree with lilybay too, if your mom could call your Future Mother-In-Law and discuss the cost and let her know she’d really like to contribute, that might make cash in a card a little more personal or less likely to offend.

aspasia475’s suggestion is great too – to take your in-laws out for a nice dinner after the wedding or otherwise reciprocate in kind. 

Post # 7
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I personally think that a thank you card would be a nice touch.  However, the cash might be a little ackward.  I would say it would be nice if your mom called and talked to her before just giving her cash. 

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