Post # 1
Okay, to make this as short as possible, here is the basic information. My Future Mother-In-Law is throwing a shower for me as my parents and a good chunk of my family live in Florida and I am in Michigan with Fiance and his family.
My mom wants to give Future Mother-In-Law a thank you card at the shower expressing gratitude for doing this for me while she’s across the country, and she also wants to include cash to help cover some of the costs of the shower.
I realize this is something that she should have offered up sooner as my shower is, well, today. Would it be rude or tacky to do this? Future Mother-In-Law is pretty traditional, but my mom never had a bridal shower and the thought never crossed either of our minds that she should be helping.
What can she do that wont seem rude?
Advice, please and thank you!
Post # 3
Usually, you give your shower hostess(es) a small gift as a thank you. If your mom wants to help with the cost of the shower, can’t she just call your Future Mother-In-Law and offer to pich in? Giving her a card with cash at the shower might be a little weird.
Post # 4
I think an offer of cash to help offset the cost is never rude or strange, especially coming from your mom. Your Future Mother-In-Law will probably appreciate the gesture, no matter how its presented. I’d just take her aside somewhere after it’s over and hand her the card….I’m sure she’ll be happy about it and your Mom will feel better contributing.
Post # 5
Actually, I can imagine what my VERY traditional mother would have had to say about someone who tried to “pay her off” for an offer of hospitality, and it wouldn’t be pretty. The problem you have to figure out is, whether your Future Mother-In-Law is traditional in that particular way. When I was a girl it was quite commonly understood that offers of cash were vulgar and patronizing (unless of course the offer came from someone entitled to patronize you, like your employer or your rich uncle). And, frankly, in very traditional circles the bride’s mother is NOT supposed to have anything to do with soliciting gifts for her daughter, which is what a “shower” is.
The card is quite appropriate provided it doesn’t suggest that your Future Mother-In-Law is actually a second-best option for a shower hostess. If your mother wants to “help out” on top of that she should reciprocate in kind, by offering hospitality to your inlaws when she is in town for the wedding. She could extend her stay for an extra day and take them to an elegant dinner the day after the wedding, for example.
Post # 6
I think a thank you card with a gift or a gift card to some place your Future Mother-In-Law loves would be nicer than cash – or I agree with lilybay too, if your mom could call your Future Mother-In-Law and discuss the cost and let her know she’d really like to contribute, that might make cash in a card a little more personal or less likely to offend.
aspasia475’s suggestion is great too – to take your in-laws out for a nice dinner after the wedding or otherwise reciprocate in kind.
Post # 7
I personally think that a thank you card would be a nice touch. However, the cash might be a little ackward. I would say it would be nice if your mom called and talked to her before just giving her cash.