- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
my shower is this saturday. All seemed to be going well until the last couple weeks. My friends never offered to throw me a shower. I’m expecting twins btw..due in early May, expected in mid to late April. I dont’ have alot of girlfriends, just a handful of close ones, and I wasn’t bothered they didn’t offer because I got married just a year and ahalf ago and they all flew to mexico and were bridesmaids and they did soooo much for me so I wasn’t expecting them to do much more than help a little.
When I first found out, my sister said she wanted to throw it. I should preface this next part with the fact that my sister is a spoiled brat and has completley failed to launch as an adult, my parents are her only friends, and they wait on her hand and foot all day long. she subsequently backed out, after finding out we were having twins and would likely lneed a arger shower than just a tea party with female relatives.
My mom then decided they would do it as a team effort, with my sister just helping where she could. My bff offered up her place to have the shower (she has a big house, we all have very tiny houses) and to assist but did not offer to host. I met with them, we discussed the theme, guestlist, some basic things like co-ed vs women only and we all agreed co-ed. However the co-ed list was too long, so I made a female only list and told my mom, sister and bff to decide. I specified I didn’t want them doing anything that would cause too much work/stress.
At that point everyone said to relax, my part is over. So I did. But in the last couple weeks things got more an dmore stressful. First, my mom didn’t get the inviations out in a timely fashion. I had to hold her hand through the entire thing, we were already a little at odds by the time they finally got out, as I was irriatated that she needed so much help getting them out and she was resenting me for not being more supportive….but I just wanted to move on. I should remind you I am VERY pregnant with twins, work full-time +overtime every single day and have very little energy or patience, though I am trying my best.
Anyways, all seemed to be ok after that until my mom started sending me text messages about how this whole thing is too hard for her, too expensive, and she didn’t know she would have to do it all by herself and how stressed she is. A week out from the shower, how do you think I felt about these comments? I was both upset and infurated. Infurated she was pointing hte blame at me, like how dare i got and get pregnant and put this inconvinence on her. Instead of blaming my sister who’s sitting around doing nothing but being served by my parents all day long. Okay so maybe if I wasn’t feeling so miserable, maybe if she hadn’t pulled the SAME SHIT when planning my wedding, I could have been a little more supportive. But I was angry, once again she’s turned what was supposed to be a happy event into a huge burden. I just told her sorry it wasn’t what she expected but what can I do? I offer suggestions like snack foods and ideas that are less expensive, even offering to help….and She begins sending me volatile text mesages about how ungrateful I am, mean, how I must hate her, why can’t I just talk her through it all. But that’s not the point. The idea of talking someone through their emotional and financial problems that stem from something they offered to do for me, sounds like a personal nightmare to me and only makes me regret agreeing to a shower.
Many people have offered to help, but she’s so timid and has issues with delegating so therefore she’d rather drown in the shower. It didn’t have to be this way. Her text messages had me sobbing 3 nights in a row so I finally had to shut my phone off for a few days. My husband went over and asked them if there is anything we can do to help….because I just cant be calm about it, I can’t even look at my mom and sister after all the terrible messages they have sent me, I just regret the entire thing and I’m too angry. Everytime I’ve tried to make peace she shuts me down and says she’s busy.
I don’t know what’s going to happen next. She texted me to call her tomorrow that she’s too busy to talk now….and she’s telling me to tell others involved to call her..she’s putitng me in the middle of the planning process which makes me very uncomfortable and doesn’t make sense. She doesn’t see any of that and if I point it out to her then that’s just more amo for her.
On top of it, the shower is saturday and not a sole has used my registry. We’ve decided to go ahead and buy the necessities ourselves since the babies are coming soon and who knows how long I will be able to do these things….it is our responsibility but we were hoping for a little help, two babies, that’s two carseats, twice the amount of bottles, diapers, etc.