Shower turning into disaster..anyone else going through this?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@fresitachulita:  It might be a good idea to just cancel the shower.

Post # 4
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@fresitachulita:  Stop stressing over it! Just be calm and let whatever is going to happen, happen. There’s nothing you can do to change what’s already been done, but there’s no point in stressing yourself and your babies out. Sometimes people buy things off registries without actually telling the cashier that it’s from a registry. Not everyone knows how to use a registry. I know girls who’ve gotten 2 and 3 of the same gift from her registry because no one had them scan the gift of the registry. And as far as these girls knew, no one had even bought the gift! Be calm with your mom and tell her you wish you could physically do more but you just can’t. 

I’m sure she is stressed, too but oh well. My mom is the same way and she has no way to hold her composure and it really, really annoys me sometimes. What can we do, though? Don’t let it get to you! I hope Saturday turns out to be so much better than you could have imagined.

Post # 5
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Showers are expensive, and at this point from what it seems it is not worth the hassle/stress it will cause you.

Luckily, newborns don’t “need” much, there are just more things we’d “like” to have.

You can’t expect guest to buy directly off your registry, although it would be nice. Plus, sometimes guest use the registry but just don’t check out with it. At least that’s what happened to me.

Find a destresser and look forward to your healthy babies.

Post # 6
Hostess
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@fresitachulita:  Oh man, I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this! I’m sure she means well theoretically, but it sounds like your mom really manages to shift the focus of your events (wedding, shower) back to her. Is she classically very into being the center of attention? My mom kind of is and my MIL definitely is, and I’ve learned to just blow it over. Luckily my mom has never thrown quite that level of a fit – at least in my adult life. I do play major events pretty close to the chest though to avoid it. 

But you know what? It will come together. Just let it go at this point. I know some say you might want to think of cancelling, but that seems a bit extreme. The invitations are already out, it’s three days away, and I’m sure people are already making plans. Plus, cancelling allows your mom to be validated for her temper tantrums and solidifies that she’s always the in control and at the center of attention. She’s an adult, don’t validate this. 

Go, have fun with your friends, and let it go. You can address her treatment of you afterward, and decide how you want to continue to react to her. It sounds like you might want to continue to tweak the way you draw boundaries. Maybe when your mom sends you hostile messages, you can reply once with something like “Mom, I love you, but I’m not going to fight with you over text. You can call or come see me if you want to have a calm discussion. From here out, I’m not reading these messages.” Or something like that. Obviously she’ll freak out the first few times, but over time if you’re consistent, she will get the picture. 

And congratulations on your twin babies!

Post # 7
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@fresitachulita:  I know etiquette says it’s in poor taste to host your own shower, but in your case it might have worked out better for you to host it with the help of your girl friends.

What about your DH’s family?  Are they nearby enough to help?  

Post # 8
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@fresitachulita:  I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all that crap! That sucks so much, especially on top of being physically exhausted every day! 

Its a little late now to cancel, so my only advice is to ride it out & try to get through it. Enjoy the people who show up out of love & support! 

Also, I’m not surprised no one has used the registry. When I had my shower, I was flabbergasted by some of the stuff I got over & over & over. I mean, sure we needed onesies, but we seriously got the SAME dinosaur onesies like 4 times! Plus a bunch of other stuff we ended up taking back. On the upside, we got around $200 total in store credit from stuff we returned, so it was all good lol.

Good luck & hang in there! Focus on your babies! Twins! So cool 🙂

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