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There are tons of threads out there of brides who do not want kids at their weddings.
What about the brides who do want kids at their weddings?
What's the reasoning behind your decision to have kids at the wedding?
FI and I love our nieces and nephews to death and really could not imagine not having them a part of our wedding. We have 3 nieces and 2 nephews and they will all be in our wedding party. One niece may or may not be walking yet by the time of the wedding. Don't really care. We'll find some way to get her down the aisle.
For both of us the concept of no kids at weddings is so foreign. I've honestly never even heard of no kids at weddings till frequenting WB. Growing up we always had kids at wedding. In my family kids are always the first ones on the dance floor and last to leave the dance floor! They have so much fun!
Personally I could not imagine no kids at our wedding!
P.S. Please understand this is not a judgment on why you would not want kids at your wedding. Your wedding your choice. My wedding my choice. I just would like to hear the brides & grooms who chose to have kids at their weddings as well!
We are inviting children to our wedding. Growing up, FI and I both always loved weddings. They were so exciting. We have a lot of children in our families, and a lot of guests traveling hundreds of miles to share our special day. I can't imagine asking them to leave their child behind.
That's just us though!
We will definatly have kids at our wedding. I'm like you; I just can't see them not being there. They are all such a huge part in our lives. We love kids & are planning to try to concieve shortly after our wedding. I'm sure there are many couples invited to our wedding who will not bring their children because they want to enjoy a night out alone; which is totally awesome too! But for our Close family; I know they will all be there! I can't wait!
I'm definitely having kids at my wedding. First of all, I HAVE kids and it is important to me that they be there. However, even if I didn't have children, I would want everyone in my family to be there to share in the celebration. I also don't want to add to the expense of family members who would have to get a sitter for the evening. And I know a lot of my older relatives LOVE the chance to see all the little ones together and all dressed up.
But mostly, I think the reason I've never considere excluding children from my wedding is that a wedding is a merging of two families...and the children are part of those families.
On the other hand, I totally get why people don't want children at weddings. As a parent, I love the occasional adult-only event...you can relax and enjoy the occasion better without worrying about keeping a preschooler occupied.
We had kids at our wedding and it was nice. I can see why, depending on the venue, you might not want kids, but it worked for us to have them and it made it more of a family affair, which I really love that kind of atmosphere. They had fun dancing and playing together. A lot of our friends and cousins are new parents and had to travel to go to the wedding, so it made sense instead of trying to find a lot of out of town babysitters. Honestly, our wedding went for about ten hours, and the kids were probably all gone by eight hours but there were no problems.
We'll have kids at our wedding! We can't imagine not having them there! Our nieces/nephews are such a huge part of our lives, and it would be so depressing if they couldn't come!
My Fi's neices are 9 and 12, (love them to DEATH) and a close friend of ours has two small ones as well. They will pretty much be the only kids at our wedding... but only because noone we know has children!! We are so far apart in age that my friends don't have any and his friends have either grown children or are using this as a getaway as a couple...
We are having children as well. I never had an opinion either way - but since the majority of our guests will be traveling in from out of town, I felt it unfair to not invite their children. Right now, there are 33 children on the list - but my guess is there will only be 10-15 children total that actually come. I'm not worried about any of the children being unruly or disrespectful, as I know their families and know that they children are well behaved. I guess if there were "problem" children I may not feel the same way?
YAY for this thread! You may have seen my comment on another thread about my hurt feelings when other people suggested that the presence of kids at weddings was akin to disaster--I just can't imagine my wedding without them! To me, my wedding is about our families coming together, and my family very much includes my little nephews (only boys so far! we need us some girls!) and little cousins. They bring such joy with them everywhere they go and they make me laugh every day, I love them to pieces! Each person who tells me they'll be bring their child or baby (even better, I LOVE babies!) is giving me a little gift! I can't wait to be surrounded by my family of all ages!
We will have children at our wedding! My FI cousins are older and have children, 4 in total. And my sister just had a baby girl a couple of months a go! Other than that, no one we know has kids, but those 5 will definitely be invited! Can't wait to see them all dressed up!!
Same here - my niece (flower girl and 6 years old) and my nephews (ring bearer - 7 years old and potential ring bearer 2.5 years old) are my JOYS. I cannot wait to share the day with them - to have them in the limos with the grown ups in the bridal party, to have photos taken with them, to dance with them. I couldn't imagine my day without them. My sister (their mom) is worried about the littlest monkey making a fuss at the church but honestly, I don't mind if he does! I'd rather have him there and try to include him than to leave him at home and not even try to have him walk down the aisle with his brother and sister. They are way too important to leave out. I have also told my best friend (bridesmaid) to bring her new baby if it makes life easier for her - I don't mind having little ones there at all. That being said I'm not inviting my cousins' kids - most of them are pretty big now (h.s., college) but the real reason is that if I did there would be approximately 50-60 more people at the wedding!
We'll have a handful of kids at our wedding (all relatives, and under age 5 or so). I prefer to be inclusive since they ARE a part of the family and I see the wedding as a special family event more so than a grown-uppy fancy party.
Also, if I were a parent, I think I'd appreciate being given the option to bring my kids to a wedding (even though I might decide to leave them w/ a sitter so I could really party).
I do have some minor anxiety that they will cry during the ceremony or poke their fingers in the wedding cake, but oh well... it wouldn't be the end of the world.
we are having some children - neices, nephews, cousins, anyone that's a relative but we aren't having our friends' kids come. I love them all to bits, but I want our friends to enjoy a night out.
Definately having kids at my wedding (so glad to see this thread). It is about two families merging and that includes the children. I have a large number of out-of-town guest coming and ALOT of them have children. I couldn't imagine telling them, please don't come if you have to bring your kid :-( Or telling my 6yr old daughter (who is a flowergirl) she can't be there.
No Way!!
Originally, my FI and I did not want to have children at the wedding. ONLY because, when both of us were growing up (with strong German and English backgrounds), we never attended weddings with our families until we were in our teens, because our families just didn't believe that a wedding was a place for kids. We'd also heard lots of horror stories about what goes wrong when kids are at a wedding. So for those two reasons, combined with our open bar and wanting parents to have the chance to enjoy themselves, we thought that we would have an Adult's Only wedding.
I should also mention that my FI and I have a young son together. We intended on having him share the ceremony with us, but he was not going to attend the reception.
Then, the three of us attended a wedding last September, kids welcome, and we both loved it. It definitely added something to the wedding atmosphere to have the children making little speeches, and boogeying on the dance floor. After that we decided that we definitely wanted the youngest generation in our family to attend our big day.
(And I should also add that after we came to this decision, it popped up that we needed a minimum number of guests for the reception hall that we really wanted, so having kids there is cheaper at $30.00 a plate than inviting a bunch more adults at $110.00 a plate. So it made financial sense as well.)
Kids are a big part of our extended family so it just seemed normal to invite them. I do hope it doesn't make their parents leave earlier. Also, our wedding is out of state from most of the guests, so I think we would have lost a lot of our attendees if kids weren't invited. My brother is not inviting kids to his wedding and some of our uncles are upset because it's so out of the norm to them.
I don't think either approach is blanket wrong or right--just what works for the style of the wedding and the guest list!
My niece and nephew are not only in the wedding, but two of my most favorite little kids in the world. I can't imagine them not being there!
I really don't think that everyone with a no kids policy doesn't want kids there.... there are other restrictions. Plenty of people have huge families and just can't afford that.
Others may want kids there, but not feel that it'd be safe because of their venue. For instance, our venue is a five story resale shop with some crazy staircases and really expensive artifacts! We don't have too many kids to worry about, so we are including them. But if our family had a lot of under 10 kids, I would strongly consider doing a no-kids policy.
THANK YOU!! for this post!
I cannot imagine a wedding without kids there! We have so many families that we are close to, and that includes the little ones!!
I think that people who requests that they want a kidfree reception, they should hire babysitters for the kids. I've been to a wedding where the bride and groom rented out a small room and had babysitters for the kids and they just watched movies in that room while the adults were enjoying the reception. I don't think its fair that parents have to tire a babysitter and bring a gift to someone's wedding, when the whole family is not even invited.
If money were an issue, I would still find a way to include the kids.
At first, I wasn't too keen on the idea because of space restrictions and money restrictions, but it's really grown on me for a few reasons. The first is that we've hired event nannies who are going to turn the upstairs of our venue into a kid friendly play space, and the second is that we're going to have two separate bouquet/garter tosses. One for the adults, and one where we throw toys (one for each kid so that no one is left out). I'm so excited now about planning the toys, and deciding how to dispense them...woo hoo!
I agree 100% with lilyfaith. We wanted to have kids there. Our guest list is already at 280 and if we invited children our number would go well over 300 & we can't really afford it. We asked our family members with small children which they'd prefer - since we were 50/50, we let the parents decide. Most of them said they planned on grandparents or sitters, etc anyway whether they were traveling or not - so they made the decision for us.
As the youngest in my fam & the only girl, I was always the FG for cousins, brothers, etc. I DO kind of regret not having a flower girl.
Aug8Bride - That is a newer trend gaining popularity but it still isn't always an option. For instance, while we could spend an extra $2,000 for another room at the venue, it couldn't hold the 50-75 children we'd have there. PLus, the expense of the babysitters, activities, food, etc... If we had space we'd totally invite the kids, just please don't assume that we could have done more to include them.
It's not always an option. GIFTS are an option however. And if parents came, hired a babysitter, and didn't bring a gift I wouldn't be mad at all. I'd be thrilled they shared in the day with us...
Like has been said above many times, It's about coming together as families. Not presents.
here here!! I agree! I couldn't imagine my wedding without all of my nieces and nephews and I want all of our guests to be able to come to the wedding and enjoy themselves without having to worry about getting someone to watch their kids. I also think kids are hilarious and I know they'll keep everything interesting!
KLP2010- to me, budget is never an excuse. if people want kids at the wedding, they will find a way yo make it happen. you can always cut back somewhere and at least give the parents an option of having their kids there. I just find it to be so inconsiderate to the guests.
I've never heard someone who wanted an adult reception say anything negative about about weddings that include children.. it's personal preference. I had an adult only reception but totally understand why people choose to have children. I think when brides talk about not having kids.. they are venting because people have trouble accepting their wishes. To each their own.
We are encouraging people to bring their kids. All of my cousins and a lot of my friends have kids under the age of 2, so it wasn't even a question of inviting kids for us. We are however providing childcare for the ceremony, but it's not required, just something for parents to take advantage of.
everyone who has kids can bring them...if they want a night out, that is their call to get a babysitter, like some people choose to do, and others had their kiddos in a bjorn!
We provided (home made!) activity books for the kids at the reception in case they got bored.
Aug8Bride - I agree, sometimes there are ways to make things work, HOWEVER, not always, so your implication that you would look down on your friends and family who honestly CANT make it work, and assume they don't care about you is what upsets me.
We will have kids at and IN our wedding. I have always had a soft spot for the babies and it just wouldn't be the same without them at my celebration.
We had eleventy billion kids at our wedding and I wouldn't have it any other way. Originally, we were only going to have kids in our wedding party but we ended up with a mix of adults and kids. Our nieces and nephews and the children of our friends are too important to us to be left out. We were also having a destination wedding in a kid-friendly location so we knew that by inviting kids it would allow our guest to have a vacation weekend. It was fun planning the kid friendly aspects of the reception and they had an absolute ball.
KLP2010-- Sorry for upsetting you, but the REALITY of it is, it really is an INCONVENIENCE to many guests. I don't know, but I am a believer that if you want something to happen, you will find a way to do it....
Aug8Bride - see, that's the problem with your theory though. People DO try and make it work. It doesn't always happen. Wanting kids to be there is awesome. If it works out that's even more awesome. But please, don't be bitter towards those who can't. It is about families, but it's primarily about the family of the BRIDE and the family of the GROOM. More than likely, the Bride and/or groom were at your wedding to celebrate the coming together of your two families. Just, be happy for them, regardless of it they can make children fit or not.
I want a cure for cancer, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen. Everyone is due their priorities. The bride just has to realize this may limit who will come, and if they are OK with that, then that is the bride's/groom's decision.
I am in my early thirties and FI and I are pretty much the last of our friends to get married. All of our friends have kids under three. I have cousins with little kids and even second cousins with little kids. i don't want to accomidate twenty children. that would be crazy. I am having my niece, nephew, and three young first cousins and that's it and I'm happy with my decision.
@Aug88Bride- I agree with KLP that it's really not always an option. Some people would love to have kids invited but there are just too many kids that would have to be included. I have heard of instances where if they invited kids, there would have to be 75 or 80 kids there, which would severely reduce the number of friends/family they were able to invite.
Having kids at the wedding is very important to some people, and some people would do whatever it takes to make sure it happens. However, I don't think it's fair to look down on the people who either can't find a way to make it happen or choose not to.
For us there are so many of our friends and family who have kids and those kids are just as much a part of our lives as their parents are so why wouldn't we include them. Would it be more cost effective to have the kids stay home? Somewhat yes, but the kids won't eat as much as the adults and they won't be served alcohol so it won't be as expensive either, it's not that bad in the long run and it's not an expense we're willing to cut. Family and friends are all encompassing not just pick and choose. If the parents decide they want a night out then that's fine and that's their choice but kids make everything so much more fun and lively and as PPs said they're the first on the dance floor and the last to be dragged away and there's something contagious in that. When a kid is having a good time you can't help but smile and be lifted right into it. I can't wait to have all the kids dancing out their with us and having a ball!
@Aug8Bride - While I am a bride who will be having kids at my wedding (and very happy about it!), I really think your tone is unnecessary. Everyone here is very polite, and tries to see where others are coming from...I don't think you're doing that. All of the brides saying they'd love to have kids at their weddings, but they just can't make it happen, are being genuine and explaining their point of view, there's no need to attack them and make negative insinuations about their priorities.
I never meant for this to turn into a thread about whether it's right or wrong to have kids at your wedding. There is no right or wrong. It's your wedding, do what's right for you and your FI's situation.
There are many threads about no kids and many brides agreeing why they don't want kids at their weddings. Crying babies. Not Fancy enough. Too many mouths to feed. Great. That's your wedding. This is a thread for those of us who chose to be OK with crying babies and a not as fancy (although I never see kids equating to a unfancy wedding) and feeding more mouths.
But I do think one poster is correct in that we all have our own priorities in what tops the list in terms of the wedding. For us having all kids there topped the list so fitting them in the venue and having enough budget to feed all of them was always in consideration when looking at venues and caterers. This is just what was important to us. Not to say it's wrong if you didn't take this approach! Kids from couple months old to under 21 take up about 30% of our guest list. That's how we started off our budget and we're cutting else where to make our budget work for us.
We invited the children of siblings. Because they are family, and I really felt like nieces and nephews were fine to come. Interestingly, only half the siblings are choosing to bring their kids, and the other half are getting a babysitter. We did not invite the children of friends.
Good for you Gerbera!
I totally agree -- your wedding, your choice -- but the flip-side of that is, "my life, my choice" when it comes to deciding whether or not to attend a family wedding. To me, weddings are all about family; and if the reason I'm driving halfway across the continent is that nieces and nephews are important enough for me to want to share in their life events, well then they're important enough that the brides and grooms might want to have their nieces and nephews share in their life-events.
Not that I'm going to berate the adult-only-party bride -- her choice as you said -- and I keep my reasons to myself, but not being able to see the great-grand-nieces is a mitigating factor that occasionally leads me to "regret to decline".Probably not a great loss to the elegant young ladies who wanted those adult parties anyway: I can't see that a grand-auntie two generations their senior is going to be missed much more than the generation junior would be.
But the majority of family weddings, where children are included, are a constant delight. I love to watch the cousins making connections with each other, the little girls in their fancy frocks and the little boys pulling their unfamiliar dress-collars askew; little boys dancing gravely with their mom and the whole shebang of them line-dancing together from pre-schoolers to the university crowd.
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