Post # 1
This is kind of a spinoff from the “offensive (but maybe funny) things my SO’s said to me” thread. What are some offensive, silly, or weird things you’ve said to yours? I’ll start:
*Let me explain the anatomy of a tampon to you.
*Nobody goes to strip clubs for true love, silly.
*Has your nose been broken before? (“No.”) Oh. (“Why?”) Uh…no reason.
*Do I need to scratch my balls, too?
*You’re like my flower!
*Your girlfriend’s looking preeetty rough today. If you run into people on the street, they’re going to go, “Man, your girlfriend looks like she’s had a tough life. She must’ve done some haaard livin’!”
*My mom and her friend were Facebook-stalking you.
Post # 3
Him: “Honey, you think I am funny, right?”
Me: “In the tell a funny joke or story way, no. In the you always crack me up in the things you do or say way, yes”
Him: “So when you laugh, you are laughing at me and not with me?”
Me: “NOOOO….maybe….yes….but what makes you funny is your delivery most times, and not what you are actually saying…which is one of the many many reasons I love you so much.”
Him: “So, I should refrain from telling jokes, since they are not funny?”
Me: “…what would I have to laugh at if you stop though…”
Post # 4
I use one of Liz Lemon (Tina Fey in 30 Rock)’s lines as a retort to when he says something that baffles me — “What the what!?”.
Him: *jokingly* “…you know I’m not normal.”
Me: “I know!”
Him: “…and you said “yes!”.
Me: “I know…..!” 😉
Post # 5
Going through IVF right now and my husband is deployed so he gets a whole lot of….
“going to get busy with the doctor”
“our eggs fertilized. Apparently your swimmers like my eggs but they are too lazy to do the work on their own and needed a ride”
“got a date with the DR…you know I am going to put out”
This one takes the cake….he said he questioned why he married me after (in a joking way)
“My girlie inside bits are like Egypt….I was born and put into power, my ovary over threw me by producing a giant cyst and then was removed from power, we voted in the DR who made changes (extra hormones) and this has pissed off the uterus so it is fighting back with cramps that would kill a horse”
Post # 6
“You smell like noodles, we should be healthier”
“Do you remember when I had my period last?”
“Have you ever punched/kicked someone in the face?”
“I’m going to moisturize you in your sleep”
Post # 7
@pasquel: LOL getting busy with the doctor!!!
@lauralynn: I’ve also threatened to put makeup on SO/stick a tail up his butt while he sleeps, LOL!
Post # 8
My DH has a skin condition on his butt. So I’m CONSTANTLY going:
“Do you need me to lotion your sad little bottom?”
Post # 9
Actual conversation we’ve had: (Note: Luna is one of our cats)
*Luna the cat enters and is meowing and begging for food relentlessly*
Me: What’s that Luna? You’re fasting, you say?
FI: Fasting? Why would she be fasting?
Me: For religious Purr-poses…
FI: *with a laugh and eye roll* And what religion is she?
Me: *brief pause* …CAT-olic!!!!
We both cracked up. This convo came out of NOWHERE.
Post # 10
We break out into song “Pop that coochie pop pop that coochie baby” and we dance about thrusting our junk around.
All the time. It’s amazeballs.