Shy Bride Being Forced into a Wedding, Ideas?

posted 2 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you need to get on the same page as your fiance. What is smallest wedding he would consider? And would that be acceptable to you? Once you get your fiance on board, what his family thinks doesn’t matter.

Can I just say though, that it can be seen as a little rude to invite people to reception but not the ceremony. You suggest dinner with 40 people. e.g. Would you be ok with a small ceremony with just those 40 people, followed by dinner? Perhaps if you give him the fancy flowery wedding ceremony (which is quite short), you can then have your ideal reception – a civilised sit-down dinner without dancing.

Post # 3
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Wow.  I read that whole thing and I have two things to say.

1) Your FI should love and respect you enough not to force you into something you clearly do not want.  You need to have a heart-to-heart with him.  If he still doesn’t support you and show that he clearly cares about your feelings, then you need to re-evaluate the relationship.  You both want two completely different things.  It’s not fair for either of you to just give in to the other person.  You need to come up with some other compromise that you’re both okay with.

2) It’s fine to be shy, but what you’re describing doesn’t sound healthy.  I think you should consider counseling to get to the root of these insecurities.  Never having a birthday party and being as opposed to one as you are…that’s just not normal.  I don’t know how you live like this, putting on a facade for other people every time you interact with them.  You owe it to yourself to get some help.

Post # 4
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

We rented a bed and breakfast for the night and invited 35 guests.  I have NO regrets.  I didn’t mind the thought of a bigger wedding at all, but I knew my husband wanted something smaller.  We were able to rent it out for the night and have breakfast with all of our guests, and it worked out great.  Ironically my family is much bigger than his but his fam was putting on the pressure for more guests and I think they wanted something much more over the top than the simple wedding I wanted.  We kept the wedding and honeymoon under 10k.


Post # 5
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

You probably ned to get some counseling, stat. And marriage is about compromise. No, you don’t have to have a 500 person wedding, but your fiance clearly wants his family and friends involved and you need to respect that. Are you diagnosed as having severe anxiety? Being able to act appropriately in social settings is a life skill, and these things (parties, weddings, family gatherings) are not going away any time soon. get yourself some help.

Post # 6
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think you should come up with a list of ideas from small to huge. List out the pros and cons with your fiancée, then you each pick maybe a top two. From their do a little it more research, then get back together and go over your top choice. He may not know what else is out there and how it would look/be like. Maybe a small traditional wedding with just family, or if he wants the party, maybe a small ceremony then a huge app/drink thing (you get the idea). Just takes compromise. 

Post # 7
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Either Philadelphia City Hall or a small chapel.

Girlfriend, I’m in the same boat.  For a while, Brii was like, “Well, you deserve a big church wedding and a fancy reception. I want our family to be so proud,say how beautiful you are…”, etc, etc.  

I’m actually from South Philly 🙂 <3 , but, can’t decide between City Hall or a small wedding chapel. I want a little ceremony (even a possible elopement) followed by a night out. No dancing, being the center of attention the whole night,  or any of that jazz. 

Post # 8
205 posts
Helper bee

Ignore everyone but your fiance. While you should reach some sort of compromise with him, do not just suffer in silence. Take control of what you want to plan and tell your fiance that if he wants the rest, you’ll show up for his sake, but he needs to plan it. Let him deal with his family/SIL.<br /><br />As for the venue question, this thread is old but may help:

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