(Closed) Sibling engagement timing :(

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: wait to announce?
    wait until theyre married? : (2 votes)
    3 %
    announce it now! : (64 votes)
    88 %
    wait one month? : (6 votes)
    8 %
    why me? : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee

    Well … you could elope, and then when people ask, “When are you two getting engaged,” (which is a totally rude question any time, IMO) you could spring it on them:
    “Actually, we’re married!”

    Okay, maybe not the best plan … but it would get people’s attention, and save your family having to pay for two weddings at almost the same time. Undecided

    Post # 4
    1849 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Announce it and plan your wedding. I’m guessing if at least one of them is sane, they will have a long engagement, so your wedding could still easily come first. Don’t worry about her desperation for attention, it sounds like her problem, not yours. 

    Post # 5
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    Why not announce it as planned? If your SIL was gracious, she’d congratulate you and share the happiness. 

    Post # 7
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I voted wait one month, but I would actually wait a week or two. Let them have one family gathering where everyone is excited about them, and the next family gathering can be about you guys. Plus the lag time will give you and your Fiance a chance to figure out the big questions:

    • When is the wedding?
    • Where is the wedding?

    Everyone will ask both and its nice to be able to say “Summer 2013” or “next week” ect. Everyone assumes you know the answers the instant you get engaged even though you probably don’t.

    You will also get questions that you can’t possibly answer like:

    • What flavor will your wedding cake be?
    • What are your colors?
    • Who is in the bridal party?
    • Who is the ring bearer?
    • Ect.

    Some of these you might actually have answers to, but you can say, “I’m not sure, I’ll have to talk with Fiance about that.”

    Post # 8
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    It’s not the end of the world, really. Just announce your engagement, set a date, and make sure it’s not within the same month / week / day / hour as hers. Space it out well enough so there isn’t a “competition” between the two of you, but don’t put your life on hold either. 

    Post # 9
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Announce it now but just plan your weddings at different times of the year. If you have a spring wedding and she has a fall wedding people shouldnt have as many issues financially. You shouldnt expect your parents to pay for the wedding anyways so if they contribute to either wedding you should be happy about it anyways.

    Post # 10
    1653 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I think there’s no reason you shouldn’t tell people.  Sometimes people get engaged around the same time – it just happens.  I think my sister and I each got engaged a couple weeks apart from one another.  Just announce it as you had already planned.  People will be no less thrilled for you or for your sister just because you’re both engaged.  And by next weekend your sister will have already had a couple of weeks to bask in the excitement and good wishes from her own announcement.  If she gets pissed that you’re engaged, too, she’s just being unreasonable.

    Post # 11
    1382 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I was in a similar but somewhat different dilemma..!

    My Fiance and I, after having dated for 2 years just got engaged in April.  Lo and behold, my older sis who has been dating her beau for 6 years got engaged TEN days after us.  Although Fiance & I were somewhat annoyed at my sister’s FI’s timing at first, things sort of worked themselves out..

    We all agreed that my sis would get married this November (destination wedding), and Fiance and I would get married locally in April 2013.  I’m sure this is a little stressful for my parents, as two daughters are getting married so soon after one another.. but they’re also not paying for our weddings completely.  They’re contributing heavily though!

    I think you should just let everyone know 🙂  It really shouldn’t matter who got engaged first.. people will just be super happy for you (and your future SIL).  It’s also fun to plan your weddings together, as I currently am with my sister.  My huge dilemma right now is planning her bridal shower/bachelorette parties (I’m her MOH) while planning my OWN wedding.. sigh.

    Post # 12
    5405 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I would just announce it now. It’s not ideal but it’s the way it is. You are both engaged and so you will have to share in each others happiness. You should both pick your wedding dates with the other in mind, but I wouldn’t hesitate to announce my engagement. 

    Post # 13
    52 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I would just go ahead and announce it. I’ve seen it said many times here on the Bee that “no one owns the day”…not your engagement day, not your wedding day, etc. Hopefully you and your sister can find a way to be thrilled for each other and graciously share the limelight.

    I just got engaged about a week ago, but my brothers will likely be engaged to their girlfriends soon, too. I wouldn’t be surprised if they got married BEFORE me, considering my wedding won’t be for another 2+ years! Instead of getting huffy about them stealing my spotlight, I honestly couldn’t be happier for them and I can’t wait to celebrate with them, too.

    The more love and happiness there is in the world, the merrier!

    Post # 14
    7609 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Just announce it now!  Your engagement has no bearing on hers and vice versa.  Congratulations!

    Post # 16
    1141 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I vote to wait. You see on here all the time how brides get irate if they think their engagement or wedding day have been upstaged. It’s not worth the drama that would ensue and who wants to plan a wedding with that going on. Keep it a secret with the two of you and enjoy that for a month, it also can bring the two of you closer while privately planning without everyone else’s opinions in the mix. Congrats!

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