(Closed) Sibling rivalry! She picked the EXACT SAME date as me and won’t change it!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This must be frustrating. I have a cousin that I carry some animosity for, because I feel like she is always trying to outdo me. In the end, you should remember that you are in a stable, loving relationship with your fi. Your family supports you, and in no way supports her relationship. She is pushing your buttons. I know exactly what that is like! 

I had a very similar convo with friends the other day. I have been with my guy much longer than by cousin and her guy. They are not exactly received well by the family. I was upset because she is taking away from my happiness, but isnt getting married for “at least 3 years”. Whats her rush when she has only known him for 6 months, and just turned 21. 

In the end I got the same advice. People are happy for you. People will only talk about her bad choices. It’s too bad family could be so silly. 

Post # 4
Member
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Why does this post seem so familiar… nearly word for word?  Is this a repost?

Post # 5
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

ALSO, we have the SAME WEDDING DATE TOO!! yay for Oct 2013! I guess it is popular!!

Post # 6
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

It’s so far away that I really wouldn’t worry about it. The liklihood that this guy will stick around and that they’ll have enough money to have a wedding in time seems pretty unlikely.

Post # 7
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

First of all, sorry this is happening. Your sister sounds very selfish and unreasonable.Secondly, whether it’s her first, second, or fifth marriage, she has a right to plan the wedding she wants.  But obviously it shouldn’t be on the same day as yours.

I’d ask her nicely to change the date. Remind her that scheduling her wedding on the same day will force a lot of guests into a difficult situation of choosing to attend one wedding over the other. If that doesn’t work, have your parents talk to her.

If that still doesn’t work, then you have to decide whether you want to change your date or not. While it’s not “fair” since you chose the date first, you may choose to change the date if you think your sister is serious about getting married on that day (and not just threatening to for attention) and you don’t want to put family members in an awkward spot. Personally, I’d keep planning with the hope she will change her date once she realizes that you and your family aren’t going to give in and let her get her way.

Post # 8
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mrsbruff2b:  This is what I thougt…I had to check when it was posted to see if someone had revived an old thread…

Post # 10
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am with your fiancé on this. It’s hard to take her seriously and she is obviously working at getting under your skin. Is there any chance that your relatives will attend her wedding instead of yours? If not I would completely ignore it. I imagine there is nothing that would get under her skin more than for you to not acknowledge what she’s doing. Or you can move your date to just before hers if you want to play that game. Personally I wouldn’t play, I would move on with my wedding as is. Congratulations!

Post # 11
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Don’t you worry your pretty little head, your wedding is the one everyone will attend, guaranteed!

Post # 13
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It’s over a year in advance. Change the date. Rise above.

Also, all the extra details about her fiancé being 21, on drugs, yadda yadda, is irrelevant. Even if she wasn’t married to a douchebag, it wouldn’t make her offsense [picking your wedding date] any less offensive. You could argue about how you had the date first, causing even MORE wedding stress on yourself, or you can simply change the date and enjoy your happy, non-druggie filled engagement. Cool

Post # 14
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@blametheref:   Change the date. Rise above.

The sister will just change her date too, so it’s not worth it, The OP said “My problem is, my sister found out from a family member my wedding date, and has changed hers now to match it!”

Post # 15
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Yeah, don’t change your date, or she will change hers again to match yours. Just keep on planning and try to smile and focus on your future with FI. Besides, if most of your family have restraining orders against your sister’s FI, they will coome to your wedding, and not hers… guaranteed! I think once she realises that nobody is behind her, she will eventually back down. Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If she was a friend or cousin who did this by accident, I’d suggest changing your date. That isn’t the case, though, so there’s really no point doing that. 

Rotten as the situation is, the dates are the least of her problems, and she’s just trying to wreak havoc in your life. Rising above means ignoring her drama, not catering to it.

Keep your date, make your plans, send your invitations, and see what happens. Now you have the perfect excuse to not attend her horrible wedding to a man who may soon be removed from her life by court order.

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