Post # 1
Soooo hey wedding bee users! This is my first post! I’ve been engaged a few weeks to my fiance who I’ve dated for 7 years, and we aren’t aiming to have a wedding for a while. I’d tentatively picked July 2nd, 2016 as a date, and casually mentioned it to my mom. A VERY tentative date, as my fiance and I haven’t even really talked about what city we want to get married yet.
Later in the day, I get a super angry text from my brother about how selfish it is that I pick a wedding date before him. For some context, he’s been engaged for six months — after dating a girl for six months — and they picked late August 2016.
His texts were angry and said that I was selfish and a bridezilla to want to get married first, especially since he knew I was jealous when he got engaged first (I was, admittedly… but I’d been dating my guy for seven years and I had been waiting for a while!). I told him this motivated NOTHING for me and I only picked July 2nd because it was after a long weekend so if we end up having a wedding far away people don’t have to take the Friday off because they will already have it off.
It’s really not my fault if their wedding day (which was over three years away from their engagement) is a month and a half after the day I picked. Should I have asked him if it was okay for me to get married first? Or am I right and is he being unreasonable?
Anyone else dealing with a family issue because I’d love to know I’m not alone.
Post # 2
Your brother is being insane. He doesn’t own the whole summer and the fact that he got engaged first doesn’t mean he owns getting married first.
But…in my opinion it could be quite stressful on your family if they have to travel for two weddings in the space of 1.5 months. And if your parents plan to be involved in planning or paying for the wedding, that’s not a lot of space for them either. Something to consdier.
Post # 3
cbgg: I’m probably going to travel to them to get married, so it would be in the same city. I live in Vancouver and my family lives in Toronto. My brother is going to get married in TO — and I am considering doing that too so its easier on my family. I totally get what you are saying though! If I do decide to get married in Vancouver I won’t have them that close together.
I also think he is being insane. He syas its because he won’t be able to focus on my wedding with his own coming up. The guys never been in a wedding party (i’ve been in 8). There is not that much to do one month and two weeks out.
Thanks for your response!
Post # 4
Your brother sounds like an ass. I’d tell him where to shove the idea that his engagement is more important than yours or that you should wait on him to make his plans before you make yours. It’s not like you’re planning your wedding for the same day as his.
The only one who sounds like a bridezilla is him.
Post # 5
kittycatpancake: I completely agree. I love the guy — but there are days I don’t like him or his actions. I’ve tried my whole life to tiptoe around him and not set him off and I’ll be damned if I do that for my wedding too. Thankfully my fiance is super supportive, and always has been, about my family. I can’t imagine the shitshow my wedding will turn into as it is with our families being so different and at least half of each side being dysfunctional in some way.
He is being a bridezilla. I’m really glad I posted, because I’m used to being told to tiptoe around him and I was starting to feel guilty for telling him where to shove it earlier this afternoon.
Post # 6
Quite frankly, it does sound slightly ridiculous and petty that you chose a date a month before his that’s still nearly 2 years away. I mean really? <br /><br />
To me, that does seem rather petty and stupid. You’ve dated for 7 years, I would think that a 2015 wedding would be more appropriate, or an early 2016 wedding, but he wanted a summer 2016 wedding, jumping in in July does look petty and like you’re trying to undercut him.
FYI my FI and I met Feb 13, were engaged in Oct 13, planed a Sept 14 wedding. Had is sister not married in June 12 and decided to have an August 14 wedding after we’d announced our Sept plans I’d of been pretty irratated, too. Then again she’s ridiculous and not comming to our weding anyway.
Did I mention I’m glad I don’t have a sister?
Post # 7
searock: I agree.
it’s true your brother can’t “claim” the whole summer of 2016, but what on earth possessed you to choose a day two years in the future but only a month before his day? You say you were jealous of his engagement to a point where he noticed, so I think you should really examine yourself and see if you have ulterior motives here of stealing back some of his thunder.
I think you should choose something at least 4 months away from his day.
Post # 8
A wedding in July followed by a wedding in August is really a bit much for one family. There’s no good reason to have them so close together. You guys need to work something out.
Post # 9
I think it would make sense for families travel/budgets etc to space them a little- but maybe that’s just me.
Post # 10
lterbride: I’m torn on this one. I agree that he doesn’t get to claim a whole summer, but also kind of agree with some of the other posters that picking a date two years away just before his doesn’t look great. Though in Canada I’m sure you’re a little more limited in the time of year it’s practical to have a wedding. I did face the same issue a bit with my cousins; there are FOUR of us getting married within a 12 month period! We had to work around each others’ dates, but it’s all working out fine with weddings in Oct 14, April 15, June 15 and September 15. The biggest issue is that the October and June (mine) weddings involve travel for the whole family on our side; otherwise it wouldn’t be an issue at all.
Is 2015 completely out of the question? It is absolutely not too late to begin planning a summer wedding for next year, unless you have other circumstances that make it impossible.
Post # 11
Your brother doesn’t own the summer of 2016 but I’m curious about your logic in this situation.. The wedding is tenatively scheduled for 2 years in the future and you just had to pick a date a mere month before his?
You’re not necessarily being a bridezilla but it is strange. Especially given you said you were jealous of his engagement to the point of him noticing, this just sounds manipulative on your part.
Post # 12
lterbride: I don’t know about this one. You have every right to set your wedding for a date you want and your brother does not get an entire season to himself. However, you guys are siblings and share the same family – two weddings can be a lot for people to try and handle, even if they don’t have to travel far.
How many shared out of town guests do you guys have to invite? Will a lot of people be traveling to Toronto for the weddings? Will your parents be helping pay for both weddings or will you guys be covering the cost? How far in advance has he made his wishes known about their potential wedding date? Did you know in advance or did you just find out recently? Why did you guys settle on the date you picked? Is there a sentimental reason or is for practical reasons (such as saving money or more time to plan)?
On a personal note, my older sister had been engaged a few years when she set her wedding for this fall back in January of last year. My FI and I got engaged late last year and wanted a fall wedding. We could have planned our’s for this fall, but we both felt like that wouldn’t be fair to anyone. . . so we did the adult thing and set our date for 2015 instead – partly because we have family that would have to travel by air in order to make our weddings and we didn’t want them having to choose which wedding to attend.
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2015 - City Winery New York, NY
While I agree, your brother doesn’t get the whole summer for his wedding, you picked a date awfully close to his date.
My brother got engaged in February of 2013 and I was engaged in December 2013. They picked a fall 2014 wedding date. As much as I would have loved a fall wedding, we picked a date in late winter/early spring, about 6 months after them, to give them plenty of space.
If your date really is tentative, I would suggest moving it, if you’re comfortable doing so. I’m sure your brother and his fiance would really appreciate it.
Post # 14
goblueca: You make a pretty good point. If you want a summer wedding in Canada, you’re really limited to mid-June to maybe mid-September (the leaves have already changed colour where I live, and we are firmly in fall).
I understand why the OP picked a date two years’ out – if she’s planning a wedding across country, you’d need time to search for venues remotely, and hopefully do an in person search. And with less than a year between now and summer 2015, venues are likely already booking up (especially for long weekend weddings), and she’d really have to jump on it, which it doesn’t sound like her and her FI are wanting to do.
OP – considering both you and your brother have just picked tentative dates, but nothing’s official, I would take a deep breath and just give everything some time. So much can change between now and two years from now. When my DH and I had told his mom about the date we wanted to get married on, she said DH’s cousin wanted to get married that day. She was engaged first so we said okay, and picked a new date. She ended up not getting married on that day, but eight months later. Things change.
Post # 15
It does seem like you’re stealing his thunder, he has his date set and you go and pick a date a month before him? Honestly I think that’s pretty selfish. My sister did the exact same thing to me, my wedding was in June of this year and her and her fiance of 6 months were planning to get married but ended up moving up the wedding to July, one month after the wedding. I thought it was a pretty inconsiderate and bitchy thing to do. I didn’t say anything though and it turned out they couldn’t do it in July so not its happening on September 6th.
Please keep in mind that two weddings so close together might cause some financial difficulties for your families who will have to get two gifts, attend two sets of pre-wedding events and probably travel. Its just very inconsiderate.