Post # 1
FI and I decided early on that we would have a small party – only MOH and BM. We did not include our siblings and hoped they would help out in other ways. We just found out recently that FI’s sister wants to be in the wedding party, but I put my foot down and said no because I don’t want to change our current plans; she knew from the start that we were only having an MOH and BM. She is OK with not being in the wedding party, but FI is now mad because he really wants this for her. He does not want her to be an usher or do a reading or light the candles in the ceremony. He offered to have her stand on his side. I was very mad about the whole thing and after expressing my feelings, FI gave up the fight. However, now I’m wondering if I would ever regret not including my brothers – they have already agreed to be ushers and are happy to take on anything we ask. For the record, I have no ill feelings towards FI’s sister, but we are just not close.
One side of me feels I need to stop being selfish and include her as a gesture of setting the marriage off of the right foot, but the other part of me wants to keep it simple and not have siblings at all. Did anyone else encounter this situation and what did you do? Did any of you choose to exclude your siblings in the wedding party and later regret it or did you exclude them and never looked back?
Post # 3
@qwirky000: Well my brother told me that my SIL wished to be a bridesmaid. She felt that out of all our family I am the one she is the closest too. My brother is an usher. At first I was a little miffed about her asking (though it was actually her just saying wistful thoughts to my bro without ever realizing he would say anything to me) but then I realized that she is my SIL and so I asked her to be a bridesmaid. My family hasn’t really accepted her yet, mostly because my brothers last marriage went so horribly so it’s almost like everyone is keeping back from her until she’s been around for a few years. I figure this is a gesture of welcoming her into the family. Now she is pregnant with my first niece and nephew and the family is still kind of weary of her, but are acting better because of that and because of my insistence that everyone gets to know her too. I would say do what makes you happy, but it is family so keep that somewhat into consideration as well!
Post # 4
I’m thinking if I only have one attendant, it’ll be my sister.
When she got married in 2002, our aunt on our dad’s side of the family was the one attendant she had. I was 16 going on 17 at the time and supposedly age alone made me ineligible for that. It may have been part of why instead of me and my sister as an attendant at our Mom and now stepdad’s wedding 11 months before that, she opted for a friend. In fact, I had no role whatsoever in Mom’s wedding. I was however, the guest book attendant for my sister’s wedding (which I had no problem with), which was the closest I have ever come to being part of the wedding party. (Otherwise, for all the weddings I’ve ever been to, including Mom’s my status was strictly that of a guest.)
Post # 5
@qwirky000: If your FI wants her to stand up on his side, you should let her. Its his sister, he has a say, he’s trying to compromise here and I think you’re being a bit harsh putting your foot down in this instance. If you and you FI agreed, that would be one thing. I don’t see how including siblings is going to mess up your plans all that much, other than a couple more people standing up with you.