Siblings with addiction? How to cope?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

Daizy914:  Have you ever tried attending AI Anon? It is support groups for those dealing with a loved one with an addiction problem.

I would reccomend checking one out, it may just be nice to be surrounded by people who understand what you are going through and just vent. But they may also be able to give you some helpful tools in dealing with thier issues and being able to love and support them without sacrificing yourself or your happiness.

I am sorry i dont have experience with this, but I have seen my fair share of familys suffer because of addictions. It is a family disease. 

Post # 5
Member
1502 posts
Bumble bee

Daizy914:  Hello! And welcome to my life.

Seriously though it does hurt. I know that my brother will always be the shinning star in the family even though he doesnt work, takes all his money from mom, lives rent free in her house and drinks way too much for anyone. I have a good job, don’t abuse things(well maybe chocolate) am on the right path and I will always pale in compairson.

My father distances himself from my bro, and my bro is mad at my father. My father doesn’t care. he knows that my brother is a hot mess. My mother gives my brother everything. But I know now there is nothing I can do. I let it happen because no amount of lip service I give will stop it.

My brother is poision when he drinks. But when he doesnt he is very helpful.  I went to help him one day with but he got mad about something, I forgot what. I stormed into my house. My mother said he was going through a “difficult time.” I told her he can shit on his difficult time cause I was sick of that excuse. I wasn’t 10 anymore and I didn’t need to take his verbal abuse.  And I won’t.  I won’t go near him when he’s drinking. If he gets lippy with me I tell him he’s being an ass and walk away and won’t respond until he’s sober again. I don’t want him at family functions.

My relationship with my mother isn’t in the best of terms now either due to my brother. We used to be so close. God it sucks. I dont know what to do.

It is so hard, but you do have to distance yourself from the poision or it eats at your soul. Its toxic. And I realized that it was eating away at my relationship with my fiancee. Not cool.

I know what you are going through. If you need to vent PM me.

leisha606:  I had never heard of that group before, but I will check it out. I think it will help. Thank you for the suggestion.

Post # 7
Member
12 posts
Newbee

It’s lovely to know I’m not the only one out there in a similar situation. I don’t have the answers, unfortunately, because otherwise I would be using them myself — BUT I am sending you lots of strength and hope that you can make it through. I’m three weeks into being engaged and I can already tell that this wedding won’t be about me — it will be about my sibling and mom. But that’s okay – I’m still marrying the man of my dreams and the honeymoon is all ours. Deeeeeeeeeep breaths. 

You’re totally allowed to feel like you aren’t getting the attention you deserve. Feel free to vent to me anytime! 

Post # 8
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve lived with an older brother with some form of drug addiction since I was 12 (now 28) so I know your pain. I am sorry thay your sister is still the shining star and your relationship wth your mum suffers as a result. I used to fight with my parents a lot, I ised to have so much anger towards them as ‘it’s your son, you have to put up with this, I shouldn’t ‘… cruel I know. Since i moved out of home my relationship with my parents has improved 10fold as despite the still putting up with it day to day, I’m not as he and I do not associate at all and he will never be an uncle to my future children. I commend you for still caring and loving your sister, you are a better person than I am, as I can honestly say that I do not. He ruined my life for years, he even made me cry at my own wedding, and that was the final straw for me (he really shouldn’t have even been invited but if he wasn’t, it’s my parents tjay would cop it day to day and I didn’t want to do that to them). 

Despite going through it, I dont have much advice but this… PLEASE share this with your husband. i get the fear, I get the worry of what he will think, but for me, telling my then boyfriend was my saving grace. 

Thoughts and hugs your way x

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