- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
My mother, sister and I have a very rocky relationship. My sister and I are finally in a good place.
In short, the past she has cursed me out, threatened me, she is unreliable, still is. I make plans with her and she never shows up. I’ve accepted that’s just who she is. She can just be downright mean when I won’t help her (i.e lend her money, pick her up when she has to take one of her 7 cats to the vet – mind you at the time she called me to pick her up I was away-it another state) My mother is the same way- unreliable, can’t stick to plans, and when I don’t agree with her she gets nasty.
My sister has a drug problem, she smokes pot, and I don’t judge people who do that but its excessive. Its pretty much everyday multiple times a day and on top of that she gets high on the job off of nitrous (aka laughing gas). Now this is dangerous for anyone. It stops the blood flow to the brain which can cause someone to die if the brain goes too long without oxygen, it messes with your motor functions. My sister who is epileptic does this and bc she is epileptic this is even worse for her bc she can have a seizure. To top it off, she is in a terrible relationship that she just can’t seem to break away from. They live together which makes it even more difficult to get away from. I don’t speak to her BF. He is not mentally stable. <br /> <br /> I can’t force someone to go to rehab, I can’t force someone to get help when they don’t want to help themselves. I can’t force someone to see a therapist or go to NA meetings when they don’t want to. I have tried to help her. I have looked up local NA meetings in the area for her to go to and have offered to take her, I have referred her to a therapist, etc. Nothing, she doesn’t show up. She is not making an effort. And at the same time I am walking on eggshells to make sure that I don’t ruin the relationship we have now bc if I push her too much she will lash out at me. I love my sister, even though she has not been there for me ever, she is still my sister, my mom and her are all I have. Our father passed away when we were very young, so I have tried my best to make sure we stick together.
That’s one problem I am dealing with.
Let me note that our whole life, my sister has always been the favorite. ALWAYS. Anyone in my family will tell you that. So I do have some resentment towards my mom.
I will admit that maybe I am being selfish, but when dealing with someone who has emotional problems and an addiction, the other person (whether it’s a sibling or spouse) is being overshadowed and forgotten about because people are too focused on helping the “weak one”.
My mother works a few blocks from my sisters office and often has had to leave to go get my sister out of the office bc she got so high she passed out. So my mom is stressed bc she is worried about losing her job, she is worried my sister is going to lose her job (we can’t figure out how she is still working there, or how she has not gotten caught yet), she is worried about my sister and the choices she has made in her life and where she is headed. I get all that. She is a mother, and that’s her baby (she is younger than me).
<br /> But I need to get this off my chest bc when I tell my mother she zones out, yells at me asking me “what do you want me to do” she just gets defensive. My aunt knows all about this, and she is 100% on my side and on top of that knows all about addiction bc her BF was an addict.
I feel like no matter what I do, I am never going to be good enough. I am never going to make her happy. She is so miserable with whats going with my sister that she can’t be happy for her other daughter-me. And that’s exactly what I feel like, “the other daughter”
<br /> Today is one of those days where my sister is getting high and my mom keeps yelling at me saying “ I want to die, I just want to throw myself in front of a bus” And when she says this, I get this shooting pain in my chest bc its like I know my sister is fucked up, but I love you, and I have a good life, DH & I treat her nice and have good things coming our way, I have a good job, I take care of myself. But I can’t help but feel like I am always trying to prove myself to my mom. It would be nice to hear once in awhile, “hey I am proud of you” SOMETHING!
I want to know if there is anyone out there who has dealt with a sibling with an addiction and how to cope and how did your parents cope?
My mother won’t go to a therapist, she went and left because she didn’t like what he had to say, and what he said was the truth and she is in serious denial that my sister has an addition. These are my feelings, and I feel hurt. I love my sister, and I wish I could help her, but I also resent her and my mother bc I always feel left out bc nothing I do ever gets recognition, my wedding being one of them. My sister was excited the day of, but she was no where to be found throughout my engagement. My mother felt “hassled” by everything. I always made sure to ask her if she wanted to help me with this or that, and everytihing was inconveinent. We live 6 blocks from eachother! She came with me dress shopping and that was, that was the last I saw of her until the day of the wedding. THEN! Got into a fight with me the night before the wedding because she was upset that she wasn’t walking into the reception with her BF. I don’t speak to her BF for good reason and I am not comfortable saying why, its too personal. I had told her but she “forgot” that she was walking into the reception with her mother, my grandmother. And she had a fit. To top it off, she made a big stink over it for no reason bc her BF didn’t want to walk into the reception with her, he hated every minute of it. So I have a lot of issues that i have swept under the rug for the sake of trying to salvage my relationship with my mother, but I think its building up inside and I fear one day I will explode.