Post # 1
I’m new to this and don’t want to become a debbie downer but need some advice/support/etc. I’ll try to make my dilemma as brief as possible.
I got engaged a few months back to a wonderful guy that I am grateful to have found after being in a bad relationship for 5 years. He planned on proposing in the fall and my father, who suffers from Parkinsons, had then gotten diagnosed with prostate cancer that spread and it became pretty bad. My finance proposed so that my dad could see it, but I couldn’t plan any type of wedding then. After a rough winter, dad started doing better and we moved forward with the wedding plans, which is currently scheduled for this fall. I am one of these girls who doesn’t want or need a wedding, I just need my finance and close family around me. However, my finance doesn’t want this and neither do my parents so we have to have a regular wedding, even though I have begged and pleaded for just a civil ceremony. We are keeping it small, but with my dad’s health and all I want my parents to save their money and I just want to have a little celebration at a restaurant, and no one is having it.
Meanwhile, my best friend of ten years decides months ago to pull a fast one and tell me she cant currently be here for me emotionally/mentally/etc. I later find out from a friend of hers that she couldnt be happy for me bc she is single and miserable and was having an affair w a married man for 3 years who was getting a divorce but told her not to wait around for him. She is a miserable person who has been in everyone else’s wedding but couldnt be in mine and since then we are no longer speaking and her entire family including her has been removed from the guest list. Whats hard about this is that this girl was like my sister (I am an only child) and my family bent over backwards for her. Plus her mom died of cancer and she is the only person who I can talk to about my dad’s situation with, and both myself and my parents want nothing to do with her. She knew my dad was sick but instead called me selfish and said she cant be friends with me. I have other friends who will be in my bridal party so yes it was a blessing that this happened between her and I, but I need her now more then ever and I cannot believe she would do this to my family and I.
Dad’s Parkinson’s is getting worse by the week and he goes in July for scans to see where the cancer is (if its still there). He is down alot and its hard for me to deal with this. I am an only child, still living at home, and very close to my family. I dont want to plan this wedding anymore bc if my dad is not there in a healthy state, then I dont want a wedding at all. My finance and I agreed that if the results are bad, we are going to go to the church and get married so he can see us and then worry about the reception (which is already booked) at a later date. I’m just down bc I never thought I would be married and my whole engagement/wedding is just filled with heartache. I know alot of people close to me getting married soon and none of them have these problems and they are happy. I love my finance but him and his family dont get it, they havent offered to pay for anything which I think is wrong, they dont get the severity of my dad’s health, I’m starting to resent his little sister bc I know she is somewhat jealous that I am getting married and she isnt.
Anyone else going through something like this or have any advice? I just want a normal wedding like every other girl, and I guess that may not happen. Its very tough for me to deal with and my finance doesn’t know what to say anymore.
Post # 3
@gymgirl28: I’m really sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. I don’t have any advice, as it sounds like you have a sort of game plan, but I wish all the best for you. Lean on your FI, and let him give you the support and love you need right now. * hugs *
Post # 4
I’m so sorry about your situation. My dad was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer last September and my FI and I discussed getting married so he could be there for it. He ended up passing away in January, much quicker than any of us expected. I say do what your dad wants you to do-if he enjoys the wedding planning and it’s a distraction for him, then keep it up. But if you would rather just get married now so you can put all your focus into spending time with your dad (and ensure he gets to be there for it), that makes perfect sense too.
As for your best friend, that sucks. It’s always hard when the people you care about the most abandon you when you need them the most. Stay positive and PM me if you want to talk.
Post # 5
You and your fiancé are worth celebrating, and you will have a lovely wedding. You are smart to plan for the church ceremony and reception later if indeed it comes to it. Until then, breathe. Plan your wedding. One thing at a time. As for your former friend who was like a sister to you, I’m very sorry that falling out occurred. I understand it is very difficult for you to deal with on top of everything else. Again, this is a change that is probably for the best. It just hurts a lot right now, but each day you will grow stronger in your other friendships and realize that this former friend has to travel down a different path. As simple as that. Wish her well, and move on with your life, m’dear. There are so many wonderful people in your life that deserve your energy and with whom you can share your world because they are positive influences and not leeches.
Post # 6
Thank you so much for getting back to me. I apologize it took so long for me to respond, its been crazy here as you can imagine. We are still as of now, going through w the wedding in November. My shower planning is in the works and my maid of honor (soon to be matron) is setting up my bachelorette party, bc I dont want to deal with the stress of planning and since Im not a selfish person, I figured just this once someone can fuss over me ;). Invitations are almost done and we are thinking of asking an old co-worker of mine whom I still keep in touch with to do the photography – she does it on the side and is pretty darn good at it.
As for my now ex bff – it does suck and she found out I had contact her sister in law a few weeks back and that resulted in me getting another nasty vm her saying that Im just mean (lie) and that I wasnt there for her (another lie) and that she was actually considering contacting me to work things out (probably another lie) but I can forget that now. I had to block her number and email which I felt childish about but I dont want her trying to sabotage my day bc she is miserable w her own life. Through my fiance who has been great Ive met some other girls lately (his co-workers wives) who seem nice and want to spend time with me. So, I guess when one door closes another one opens.
As for Dad, we got his scans back and while we thought the results would be better then they were, it could be worse. His bone scans showed improvement and his numbers have been great (he hasnt had a transfusion in 9 weeks which is the longest yet), however there are a few tiny cancer cells on the liver, which the doc said is common. 6 more weeks of chemo and then another MRI, depending on those results determines the next steps, which might be a change of chemo to an oral drug w less side effects. So fingers crossed….
anyway,thank you again for reaching out and the hugs, I truly appreciate it. Hopefully we can stay in touch xo